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[+] DH is giving me a hard time about not breastfeeding. He makes snide little remarks a... 12 replies
- t you ask him to spend one of his days fake breastfeeding, i.e., sitting down doing absolutely nothing holding the baby for 20...not even sure it's proven that at that age, breastfeeding helps with immunity. N=1, but I breasfed for 9...and he's 3yo. He attributes it all to the breastfeeding, but I know plenty of breastfed babies who have still...think it has anything to do with whether I was breastfeeding or not....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
DH is giving me a hard time about not breastfeeding. He makes snide little remarks about how he hopes our DB doesn't get sick now that he's no longer getting the immunities from breastmilk. I nursed DS#1 for 18 months, but I really don't want to nurse DB anymore. He's 6mo and I think it's ok to stop now. I know it's not ideal, but I just don't want to do it and it's making me feel resentful.
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag ]HAHA. i love this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
tell him to pay for a wetnurse
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow. Snide little remarks are uncalled for. I'm not even sure it's proven that at that age, breastfeeding helps with immunity. N=1, but I breasfed for 9 months and baby still got sick a few times. If you've calmly explained the reasons you no longer feel comfortable BF'ing, he needs to understand that it's better for a baby to be bottlefed than to have a mother who is resentful and unhappy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Tell your dh that there is some amazing medicine that he can take, so that he can breastfeed himself. It is easy to criticize when you are not the one doing the feeding! Your dh should not be giving you a hard time about this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: The reason for the remarks is due to the fact that our eldest has never been sick, not even a fever and he's 3yo. He attributes it all to the breastfeeding, but I know plenty of breastfed babies who have still gotten sick.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ridiculous, ours was bf and got colds all the time
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too. I breast fed for 6 months and dd got sick twice during that time, but between 6 and 18 months she didn't get sick once and I hardly think it has anything to do with whether I was breastfeeding or not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the biggest benefit of immunities comes in the first few weeks of bfing. Your DH doens't even make sense. I stopped at 6 months and think that's pretty common.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's crazy. don't let him get to you...there is no reason you should feel bad about stopping. I bf my first for 8 months, and he still got a double ear infection at 7 months! My second I had to stop at 6 weeks because she has a milk protein allergy and going completely dairy free didn't help. So be proud that you were able to make it 6 months!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Don't feel guilty, 6 months is actually longer than most people keep it up! DH needs to relax and stop obsessing. IME it's not lack of bf, but rather exposure to other kid's germs (through older sibs or daycare) that leads to babies getting colds, and that's just part of life, no way to avoid it. Your db will be fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Give him Atlantic Monthly article to read--google it, it's called The Case Against Breastfeeding. A lot of the pro-breastfeeding hype has not been founded on scientific studies, but theory.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] HELP! Married to non-practicing Jew. He and his immediate family have always celebrat... 55 replies
- op: i'm breastfeeding so no matter what the baby must be with me. i want all of us, including dh to be together. i have agreed going forward to raise kids in his faith but want one last year with my family traditions....
Talk : : November 19, 2009
HELP! Married to non-practicing Jew. He and his immediate family have always celebrated CHristmas. In recent years, dh has become more religious and has pronounced that he no longer wants to celebrate Christmas, doesn't want me or our kids to celebrate and doesn't want us to go to family's home for Chirstmas (my family is nondenominational and xmas isn't about jesus to us, just a family holiday without religious undertones. dh announced tonight that he refuses to go to my family and doesn't want me and dcs to go either.
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 08:08 PM [ Flag ]If it's important to you that you go, go. What to do with the dcs, that's a sticky issue. How have you agreed to raise them, ie, in what faith?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i'm breastfeeding so no matter what the baby must be with me. i want all of us, including dh to be together. i have agreed going forward to raise kids in his faith but want one last year with my family traditions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think the fact that he thinks by attending your family's house he's somehow rejecting his own beliefs. That's sort of a stretch and frankly, the mark of a man of immature faith. I am a devout Christian but went to temple with friend on high holy days. Is he afraid their Christianity is going to rub off on him or what??
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: good point about the immature faith and what is he afraid of. is it insulting for me to say that though?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I might not use the word immature but I think it's helpful for you to realize that's what his faith is. He sounds very threatened by the idea of Christmas with your family. And the fact you said this might be your last there, that sounds very fast. Faith should be about love and support and fellowship, not isolation. He also sounds somewhat controlling. I would ask him what he's afraid of and see what he says. GL.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Rather then immature I think it's more like developing. He can't expect you to be in lockstep with his process all along the way. He is finding his footing so he is reaching for things that could derail him and I guess his feelings now about his dcs. This is the reason why I am against Jews having xmas trees at all no matter what level the devotion. It just confuses the issue of faiths. That said, I think that he should go to your family's house with your whole family. After all, you entered into a two religion household when you got married and he can't just deny that now. But it's obviously something that is going to come up throughout the year so it needs to be dealt with but I don't think that it should be an all or nothing conversation right from the start.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: curious digression, or, if you are a devout christian, does that mean you observe sabbath and all the food restrictions. my brother went through a born-again christian phase and he said according to the bible, sabbath is sundown fri-sundown sat like jews, couldn't eat pork, shellfish, or fish without scales and no celebrating christmas as it is a pagan holiday.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, don't do all that. Devout might have been an overstatement. Observant is probably better! Also, I've never heard all that before...sounds like one interpretation of the bible...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Your dh's increasing religious participation seems like something you two need to seriously discuss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: we r discussing it and xmas is highlighting the chasm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what if you are presenting it as just a family get together like Thanksgiving - it just happens to be when kids are out of school and you can take off from work so it is reasonable and convenient, nothing to do with going to church.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]tried that, but he objects to even gathering around a xmas tree, going to "christmas eve" party and having "christmas dinner." even though my family isn't religious, he thinks it is a smack to his jewish faith to celebrate xmas.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok, he sounds really defensive and threatened....and sad actually. I feel sorry for him. Try to talk to him and see what this is really about. Someone else's Christmas tree is not a smack to his Jewish faith. That's just a fact. Try to help him figure out why he understands it that way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i do think there are other things at play here. one being that i am a big personality and also the primary breadwinner. i think some of his actions are about taking more control in our relationship. for that reason i give in sometimes, just to let him feel like he has control over something, but jeez, it's christmas and family, how can he be against that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He can't. Trying to restrict your movements and restrict your access to family on a holiday is kind of frightening, if you ask me. And it's common for this kind of controlling behavior to come from insecure men. Try to address the issue head on with him instead of letting him make this about Christmas, which it's not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it really is about religion though, even though control in the relationship is also at play, this wouldn't even be coming up if not for his newly observant religious beliefs. as for tackling the power dynamic head on...yeesh, i'm not sure i'm ready for that, or if it would be helpful or worth it question his "manhood"
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, if you don't want to make changes, you'll need to learn how to accept he status quo. It's one or the other. I think saying to him "what's this really about? Seems like a control issue to me, rather than being about Christmas" isn't that scary or aggressive. But then again, the fact you don't want to address this head in isn't surprising since domineering controlling men typically seek out compliant, subservient women. I wish you the best and think you should deal with this now, before it gets worse and your children see him treating you this way, restricting your access to your family, your practice of your faith, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op:you have clearly misread my posts. i'm the big personality breadwinner that makes the majority of the decisions in our marriage/household (finance,travel,events), definitely not the subservient one. hence i think his newly found religious observance is also a power play for him to control something in our relationship. we spend a lot of time with my family and i'm not religious so he's not restricting my faith. the main issue here is depriving me &dcs of visiting my fam for traditional xmas.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^more^ i'd like to get through the holidays before tackling any other elephants in the room, and fwiw, i've already asked "what is this really about
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^and he said its about religion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My parents were Catholic and Jewish. We were raised Catholic but went to my grandmother's house for New Year's and Passover. We went to be with her and to know about my father's upbringing. There is room in a family for many ways to worship or even just celebrate in a non religious way. I think his intolerance is scary.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think it's wonderful that he is becoming more drawn towards Judaism; however, he will have to realize that going to your parent's home which like you say doesn't have religion incorporated into the family get together, is OK. He can still be Jewish and becoming more and more religious and still participate in a family dinner for the holiday of Christmas.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Your DH sounds like me. I have become more observant lately and we're not keeping a tree this year for the first time, but I am not forbidding my DH from visiting family. We're all going over on xmas day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you have dcs old enough to notice/care about not having a tree?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, they are still young.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op: well you are a reasonable person, and right now i wish i was married to you! my dh wants us all to be together, but wants to forbid me from going to family (out of town) and/or taking the kids. this is completely unacceptable to be, especially since i agreed to raise dcs jewish going forward. now i want to renege on that bc he's being such an intractable jerk. what should i do? the anxiety is killing me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Talk to his rabbi. Obviously if his dcs are going to be living in NYC they are going to be exposed to friends as well as family that are not jewish, he is going to have to learn, with you, a method of balancing his desire for following a stricter jewish faith and still living in this world.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]??? religious jewish mom here. Do you really think ANY rabbi is going to enforce this? gonna tell one of his congregants, "listen, you have to make your wife happy and celebrate christmas, this is a diverse city you live in, and you have to balance your desire for religiosity with the multiple religions in NYC?"??? You have got to be kidding me! I do kinda agree with others posters - he was non practicing and unafilliated when they got married - for him to suddenly change and do a 180 and NOW say xmas is unacceptable etc - is kindof unfair. but asking his rabbi for help is just...well really dumb and counterproductive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I think many rabbis would say that going to a relative's home to celebrate Christmas with them does not conflict with your own beliefs. I happen to think that Jews shouldn't have Christmas trees and other celebrations of Christmas in their homes, but should only celebrate Chanukah there, but I have no issues with going to in-laws with family and celebrating Christmas there because I make it clear to dcs that we are Jewish and celebrate Chanukah in our home, but can enjoy in-laws Christmas with them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Speaking to a rabbi isn't dumb. What is wrong with you? Speak to a reform rabbi - whom I am assuming he must be seeing since neither Orthodox nor Conservative rabbis are really keen on interfaith marriages. A reform rabbi will be able to mitigate the holiday season for him and you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Obviously, you two must sit down and calmly discuss this. It is acceptable to bring up your dc Jewish and to only celebrate jewish holidays in your home. However, you do have an extended family, and they are an important part of your life. You can explain to your dc about different religions. And you should ALL visit for holidays. You are a FAMILY. You belong together!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Many Jewish people are as "culturally" as "religiously" Jewish. You may want to dispassionately explain again, as you have, that Christmas is for your family a 'cultural' celebration. That it's another opportunity to have something great to look forward to and share as a family. I am Jewish, fairly conservative "religiously" but we love to help decorate our friends tree and would love to be invited to celebrate with them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would just tell him that nothing has changed, your family is nondenominational, and that you celebrate Christmas. Tell him there is no reason for him to come if he doesn't want to, and that you understand. But that you already have made plans to spend Christmas with your family and you won't be canceling now. We (DH and I) are Catholic and Jewish, and we take turns visiting our respective families and doing Christmas/Hannukah. When the kids get old enough, they can decide which religion they want to practice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: I want to spend the holidays with my dh, dcs, my family and his at my family's home out of town, as we have done for several years. It is a 3+ hour drive and we usually stay for a few days to catch up with everyone, my siblings, cousins, friends (his friends too as he went to college in Boston where I'm from.) Am I supposed to just take the kids and leave for christmas without him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If he is being unreasonable :( You may not get exactly what you want. And if you do get him to go, will he just ruin everyone else's Christmas? I understand that splitting up for Christmas is not anyone's idea of a good time, but if you set a precedent for letting him control you and your family's celebrations, I think you have to expect more of the same every year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op: this morning is the first time in 6 years of marriage that dh has left for work without kissing me goodbye or even telling me he was leaving. and i slept on the couch (although it's not really that unusual since i'm nursing, but i usually get into bed with him after the 3am feeding). this is a mess.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Didn't you have this discussion before marriage?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]sort of, but as posted above, he wasn't as observant then.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm the one responding above telling you to address this with husband head on. I am so sorry that things are getting worse so rapidly. He is punishing you with this behavior. Withholding affection is another sign of emotional abuse. I am really sorry you are dealing with this. Is there a male friend of his who you could talk to and ask to speak with him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np:emotional abuse? so anytime dh & i argue and don't make up right away, there is emotional abuse at play? i guess my dh is quite abused as i give him the silent treatment several times a year!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm considering talking to his mom or brother about this. we will be with his family for thanksgiving and i'm sure they will be asking/confirming our/their christmas plans.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think that's a great plan. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that can be a double-edged sword if his new observance is separate from his own family. Before you talk to them, you have to know a few things for sure (a) does he look down on the lack of observance of his own family?; (b) are they 100% comfortable with your intermarriage?; (c) will he just be mad that you went behind his back to discuss your problem with his family?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Op: I am hesitant but considering speaking to his mom. His fam is entirely comfortable with our interfaith marriage as he was raised non-observant & his family continues to be. now that he is observant, he mY look down on their lack of observance but I'm not sure. I do worry it is wrong to go behind his back & speak to his mom but I have no one else to talk to that he might listen to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, if you really think this is your last option to get to him. I'm very sorry that you're having to live with such a negative portrayal of Jewish observance. Do think about this though: if you take your DCs to your parents', it will ruin this Christmas, but it might also show him how wrong he's being if he has to miss out on all of it as well. In other words, lose this year's battle to win the war.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op: thanks to everyone for weighing in. you gave me some good points to make with dh that i hadn't articulated before, and i plan on talking to his mom and/or brother over thanksgiving about it. I love when UB is helpful like this. thanks again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He really shouldn't be forbidding you from visiting your family on Christmas. That's controlling. If you're not on the same page about religion, that's an issue you will ned to work through, but I know plenty of practicing Jews with gentile IL's (when one spouse converted) who at least allow IL's to see dc's on Christmas and give them presents, even if nothing happens within the Jewish household.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is tricky. Talking to his rabbi might help, it will also help to know who is part of his newly found Jewish community. There are as many opinions on observance and the definition of Judaism as there are Jews, and this goes beyond the traditional four prongs of Judaism (Reconstructionist, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox.) I converted Orthodox, and my Rabbi is a very well-respected Orthodox rabbi who understands the problems related with mixed families. No one in my community would have said "don't go to your parents for Christmas". A big tenet of Judaism is respect for one's parents. However, to give you an example, another friend converted, and in her process, they had classes, one of which was on Christmas Day. The would-be converts were told they'd better show up to class, despite Christmas, or there would be consequences. So your DH might be learning from people who aren't tolerant of the issues that an interfaith marriage brings and are advising him that the only way to show his true faith is by renouncing your Christmas. He needs in that case to understand that this isn't an absolute truth, it's a few people's opinions and it's open to interpretation. I think that many Jews who have never been confronted to any other view than the one they've always been presented with have a hard time understanding that there isn't One Jewish Way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]his stance is bullshit...i think it's totally reasonable for you to present it this way: The kids and I are going to my parents (or wherever) for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to this traditional time with my family. I'm not going to make you come, but I will be very disappointed if you choose not to be part of our family for this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think the ultimatum and emotional frigidity coupled with the intolerance is the bigger issue than what you do this year on Christmas Day. Good Luck working this out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]whatever religious decisions your dh makes for himself, he can't force them on you or deprive you and your kids of normal activities with your family. You need to clear this up now before it becomes more serious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why the drive to separate and to be apart? Is it really a divine urge? I don't think so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you've agreed to raise DCs jewish going forward? It sounds to me like you and your DH have very different expectations about what this means as a practical matter. He seems to think it means you all will do your own thing as a family on Christmas; you seem to think it means DCs keep celebrating Christmas. To give your DH the benefit of the doubt (although he does sound inflexible) maybe he wants to set a clear message for the kids. If they're Jewish now, that could mean they go to the movies, have nuclear family time on Christmas -- to make it clear to them it's not their holiday. Not saying this is how it needs to be, it just sounds like this is DH's expectation since the DCs will be raised as Jews.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i think you are right about what he wants in terms of our own family traditions but he also expects that if our parents,siblings want to see us during that time of year they must forgo their traditions to be with us and their grandkids. also i think that raising this a month before xmas is completely unfair. so if i want to see my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews then my parents should cancel xmas dinner, my sis should forgo their xmas eve party &everyone, or at least my parents, should come to nyc & not celebrate. that is unreasonable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If it isn't about Jesus to anyone in the group, aren't you just spending a long weekend with your family? what's the problem with that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Had to give up breastfeeding at 6 weeks due to db having a milk protein allergy, and ... 18 replies
- I couldn't bf either because my dd was biting down (with her gums) and I ended up with welts and bruises. I used to cry when bottle feeding her and would go into the breastfeeding rooms when we were out b/c I felt like all the BF moms were judging me. She is now 2, smart and everything but the regret I have hasn't gone away. I actually cried for about a week b/c I wanted to but I just couldn'...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
Had to give up breastfeeding at 6 weeks due to db having a milk protein allergy, and although I know that it was necessary, I am still upset that I had to give it up. I know I tried as much as I could, even went on a dairy free diet and everything. I am not depressed or anything, but I'm totally obsessed. I see others breastfeeding their babies, and I get so upset that I had to stop. Anyone bt?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 04:17 PM [ Flag ]yup. dc had milk protein allergies AND i have inverted nipples AND he had latch issues AND i had mastitis AND i had ppd. i pumped for 7 months and felt like sh&t because i couldn't do more. but you know what? i did what i could and so have you. your dc will be healthy and happy and will never remember if he was bf'd or not. let go and enjoy your beautiful db.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^did i mention i couldn't sit because i had a 4th-degree tear?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yes. My first had severe latch issues--even after 2 months of pumping and trying everything, lactations consultants, etc, I gave up. I felt terrible about it, and wondered what I did wrong--she just never took to it! I've since had 3 children who all breastfed easily, so I still wonder why it didn't work out with dd.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]had to give it up too. Pumped for four months, it never really took. DS is now almost 2 y.o. and really bright and healthy. It just doesn't matter all that much. Just keep being the best mom you can be and all will be fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have BTDT. My child had/has severe reactions to dairy as well as bad reflux and I powered through. Proud to say he's never had an ounce of formula. It was brutal but has gotten much better. Why was it necessary to give up bf-ing? How come modifying your diet didn't have an impact?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I couldn't bf either because my dd was biting down (with her gums) and I ended up with welts and bruises. I used to cry when bottle feeding her and would go into the breastfeeding rooms when we were out b/c I felt like all the BF moms were judging me. She is now 2, smart and everything but the regret I have hasn't gone away. I actually cried for about a week b/c I wanted to but I just couldn't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not a mom, just curious. Are babies allergic to the mom's own milk protein or the protein of other animals (ex. cow) which may have entered the breastmilk?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The latter. Babies are never allergic to breastmilk. They have reactions to the cow's milk proteins that enter the breastmilk from the mother's diet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's what I was thinking also..it wouldn't make sense for so many babies to be allergic to human milk (evolutionarily maladaptive). However, plz don't flame, i myself was only bf for 2 months so I am not criticizing formula feeding people in any form.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I exclusively bf for two months and then was told that my baby was not gaining well due to acid reflux. Freaked me out (even though doc and husband assured me no big deal), completely undermined my self-confidence that I knew what to do. I started supplementing with formula and stopped bfeeding around 4 months. I regret it everyday (dd now 7 months, is fine and wonderful but can't believe that I just didn't stick with it)
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sorry this was your experience. I think what you describe is common and that more women would breastfeed through these types of challenges if the social support were there. Sorry you didn't have that. Stinks to have regret. But I'm sure your dd is healthy and thriving, so enjoy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks ! I bf longer than most of my friends (sad, but true) and my mom didn't quite 'get it'. If we have another then I'm going whole hog !
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm surprised the with a totally dairy free diet that you couldn't have kept going.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: me too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]btdt and it's harder than it seems if you eat out a lot (i was a wohm, lots of business lunches and takeout or pre-made dinners). waiters would swear there was no cheese in something and there would be. and my dc was VERY sensitive. chocolate would cause problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, me too--esp with other kids to cook for, it's really hard to go nondairy and one slip up can cause major problems. Don't judge.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not judging. I'm the me too poster and am actively dairy free right now with my nursing infant. It's an absolute pain, I know!! I don't need to be told it's harder than it seems...it seems hard and is hard. But it's doable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
sometimes people think they are dairy free, but not. daity is everywhere in the form of whey, cassein. also, some babies who react to dairy also react to soy, which is also everywhere (soy lecithin in bread). signed, mom who gave up all traces of dairy and soy for 12 months of bfing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I understand why women who had natural births feel that it's an accomplishment. I ha... 125 replies
- gosh, i think i remember this poster from a breastfeeding discussion a couple weeks back. Somebody posted all these links about how breastfeeding hasn't been shown to have any benefits, and she kept telling telling...the first I'm posting on this thread. PS - Breastfeeding does have lots of benefits...
- will have trouble "latching on" which can lead to breastfeeding difficulties. Other studies suggest that the baby may experience...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
I understand why women who had natural births feel that it's an accomplishment. I had an epidural with my 1st and had a great experience. Completely planned on doing that again with #2. Unfortunately, he came very quickly and I went drug-free. The pain is ridiculous, but it's all mental. It could have been a very zen experience where I was learning to control mind over matter, which is what I think those who know they'll do it drug-free try to accomplish. Instead, I was screaming my face off. I give kudos to anyone who would do that willingly.
125 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 04:04 PM [ Flag ]I had a similar experience, my first I went natural because of how quick it was and I was definitly in pain, and letting everyone around me know. The second time I knew going in that I would more than likely not be able to get any drugs and tried to focus on how to prepare myself to stay calm and though it was still incredibly painfull it was a million times better!! Now due with number 3 and trying to prepare myself again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i still think most people who do that willingly feel like they have something to prove. maybe not all of them, but alot of the women i know do it for that reason for sure.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]agree
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]People who go to certain schools have something to prove, so do athletes, musicians and rock climbers. With childbirth, there is a satisfaction in achieving that and many women have natural births because they feel its better for them and their dc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]An OB/GYN once told me that "natural childbirth" is v birth -- with or without drugs. She got annoyed with people discounting v birth (with drugs) as NOT being natural. So let's say natural childbirth with or without drugs, and not knock women who decide to use the drugs. Why in the world would you not choose to use this medical advance if you could? Of course, some situations don't allow for it, and I feel for women who have to go without. God bless you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]why would we choose it? Because it's better for the baby and better for the mother.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nope. try again. or is this what makes you feel superior to everyone else on the planet?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry the facts make you feel inferior.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry your "facts" have no basis.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Drugs make their way to the baby, which cause a sedative effect. This has been proven. Why are you so intent on ignoring facts?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]actually, that hasn't been proven at all, and i defy you to post a link to a study that shows otherwise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The website of the American Pregnancy Association, the natl org. or OBGYNs, enumerates multiple risks of epidurals on the following website, including the following summary of available research, which acknowledges that research is "somewhat" ambiguous, it also notes that babies of epidural mothers have respiratory distress, bf'ing difficulty, and fetal heart rate variability. " Though research is somewhat ambiguous, most studies suggest some babies will have trouble "latching on" which can lead to breastfeeding difficulties. Other studies suggest that the baby may experience respiratory depression, fetal malpositioning; and an increase in fetal heart rate variability, which may increase the need for forceps, vacuum, cesarean deliveries and episiotomies." http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/epidural.html
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/epidural.html
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Why do you have to talk down to women who choose it? I have had 3 natural childbirths because I had an epidural with the first (I have 4 kids) and I *really* didn't like how it felt. I also feel my recoveries were faster with the natural chidlbirths. Have I proven something? Am I smug? NO. But it worked for me and I don't like your attitude of 'why in the world...' as if anyone who chooses med-free birth is dysfunctional.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA - i had an epi with #1 and it was a really nice, peaceful experience, no epi with #2 and i felt totally out of control and delirious with pain and as a result don't have a single pleasant memory of my sons birth
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Eh, some do, but some don't. I would seriously consider it only bc I have a terrible reaction to drugs & my mother got permanent nerve damage from her last epi, so I'm scared shitless of that. I am not an earth-mother or anything like that, I just like the idea of quicker recovery time & no needle in my spine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i don't think it's an accomplishment because you don't gain anything from it. you can get a perfectly healthy baby with an epidural. it's like holding your hand over an open flame without flinching. is that an accomplishment? not in my book.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I feel like once you get an epidural it invites many more interventions by the MDs, most of which I feel are unnecessary and benefit the Drs more than the mother or the baby (does anyone really know effects of all these procedures on babies? I don't think they've been well studied, personally - and I'm not sure that a decent study is even possible). And result in the 30%+ c-section rate, which is definitely NOT in the mother's best interest.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I made my decision to do natural for the same reasons. Its not something I "urge" on other women necessarily, but based on what I had read, I was concerned that an epidural could increase my chances of having a c-section, which I very much wanted to avoid. Its also why I chose to work with a midwife.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too, 4 drug free births.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]mooooo.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NR: Classy
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Epidurals can lead to many other complications. Our bodies were made to give birth and we undergo a multitude of chemical changes when we give birth naturally which are beneficial for the mom and the baby. Its not an ego thing, but yes an accomplishment none the less.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cancer is a natural process also. Does that mean we should endure it without chemo or pain control since that's what nature intended?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: if it made it more likely that you would survive cancer w/o complications, then maybe yes. However, that's really not the case, is it? Chemo will cure cancer that would otherwise be fatal. Pain Mngmt will not make it worse/affect outcome. Can you really not see the difference between birth and cancer?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]are you saying you have evidence to support the idea that NOT getting an epidural increases neonatal survival? the "it's natual" argument is really one of the silliest and weakest around. you want no epi, go for it. but don't try to imply it's somehow inherently better because "it's natual."
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]YES, of course! It's a medical intervention, and as ALL medical interventions, it has risks. One of them is increase in c-section rates, which is a serious surgical procedure, that has its own death rate, etc. Others include other side effects. Not saying that it's never worth it to have an epi (or a c-section for that matter), just that it has risks and I am not convinced that for a non-high-risk delivery these risks are justified.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]then YOU should definitely not have an epidural
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you're a mean jerk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Making the statement that all medical interventions have risks is pretty ridiculous, considering that the LACK of medical intervention, in many situations, is also very risky.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np - huh? you make no sense. the poster specifically acknowledged that the risks may be justified and worth it under certain circumstances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It is an accomplishment - huge one. But it's totally an ego thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Periods are natural, too, doesn't mean I'll give up BCP.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is just propaganda perpetuated by the pro-natural birth types. it's simply not true.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And your unsubstantiated opinion on an anonymous board will change my mind?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: that epidurals lead to many other complications? that is true! i had an epidural. but in doing so, i recognized that there are trade-offs. for me, the pain was so bad that i chose the epidural. but epidurals do up the chances that you will have to get a c-section, which is major surgery after all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^the reason why they HAVE to do fetal monitoring after the epidural is because of the heightened risk of problems for the infant. it is serious medicine and some infants do have bad reactions!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, they don't. the only increased risk is an instrumental delivery, and even this doesn't control for the possibility that the women who opted for epidural pain control did so because their labor was more painful related to a predisposing likelihood of instrumental delivery.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this study properly controlled for whether or not studies randomized epidurals and found a 2 fold risk of c-sections for those given epidurals: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1481670/
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]single studies are relatively meaningless. even the repeat cochrane (gold standard) in 2005 showed no increased rate of cs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it is reanalyzing the cochrane data!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Ugh. This is NOT a study. It's a statistical data rehash. If you don't understand what you are posting, please don't post. There should be a license required to access pubmed.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]a statistical reanalysis is indeed a study. if you don't understand what a study is, please don't post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Obtuse
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: actually, you sound kind of arrogant and obtuse. if you have a point to make, please make it. but it sounds like you have no real rebuttal to whatever study that poster put up a link to right now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do your own research - assuming you actually know how. I have neither the time nor energy to do a lit search, then explain stats and study design to you. If you can't do this yourself and want to engage in discussions about evidence-based medicine, perhaps go back to school to learn how.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NNP: Oh my gosh, i think i remember this poster from a breastfeeding discussion a couple weeks back. Somebody posted all these links about how breastfeeding hasn't been shown to have any benefits, and she kept telling telling everyone to "do their own research" when they asked her to support her view (that it has lots of benefits). Ask her to post a link! She will keep saying it over and over, no matter how many people confront her. It's kind of fun.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oooh you're nasty! that poster just asked you to provide a real response... which you have yet to do. insults don't really count!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nope, that poster was me and this is the first I'm posting on this thread. PS - Breastfeeding does have lots of benefits...look it up! :-)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it probably does, but it is hard to demonstrate statistically!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL, everyone has joined the discussion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah, I guess us crazy breasfeeding, natural childbirth having moms just sound the same...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
When you have nothing to say, best to call names huh? Very mature!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: I don't understand why you think that is not a study. There are plenty of other, newer studies whose findings contradict theirs. But it is indeed a study! Why so rude? It makes you look ignorant.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
and what are effects of instrumental delivery on a child? does anyone know? also, there are many many other side effects of epidurals (including as severe as potential paralysis for the mom)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the risk of instrumental deliveries are significant. however, it is nearly impossible to control for pain/epidural usage and any preexisting L&D issues which would impact a laboring woman's decision to have the epidural *independent* of the increased risk of an instrumental delivery.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]any intervention carries risks (including instrumental delivery).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: please, prove me wrong if you can, but I believe that we currently don't have any sort of real handle on the risks associated with epidurals. can you link to a study that has randomized them? all of the studies that i am familiar with randomize timing of the epidural (early vs late) but not epidural itself. so we don't know what the risks are. i think it is silly to assume that there are none, however. any kind of intervention is associated with some sort of risks--the are just poorly understood in this case, so it is hard to balance pros/cons.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree, and thanks for stating this so clearly. I thoroughly believe that women need to do their own reading/assessment and make their own decision. Its not clearcut, and obviously there are circumstances that absolutely necessitate epis and c-secs, but go into your labor having formed some of your own opinions.(Posted above and below but not to the "study" debate.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, I think there are really no right or wrong choices here, at least as far as we know now!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
there are studies comparing epidural to opiate pain relief that show no difference in cs. but my point was essentially the same as yours - that the risks are not conclusively proven. it's ethically difficult to randomly assign people to pain control vs no pain control regardless of their preference so i doubt we will ever have a conclusive answer.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yes our bodies are made to give birth but they were made to give birth to babies that were significantly smaller than the babies being born today, so if we can all have 6lb babies we should be fine but our bodies were not made to give birth to 8lb+ babies
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]huh? where are you getting this natural weight cut-off info? the birth weight that people can handle is usually related to their size. taller women can usually handle larger babies. as heights have increased, it makes sense that birthweights have also increased. there is nothing unnatural about 8 lb babies (except for in the cases of gestational diabetes, etc.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: And honestly anatomy varies even across the size of the mom. I gave birth naturally to an 8 lb, 4 oz baby. Non-pregant size is/was 5'4" and 125-ish lbs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]agreed. i gave birth to an almost 9 lber and i am 5'2"!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]10.2 lbs, im 5 foot 1 and 125 lbs. No one thought I could do it, pregnant with number 2 now, he is going to be at least 8 according to the doctors now! I dont think height/size have anything to do with whether you can do it naturally or not, lets call it what it is, if you dont want to feel pain, get an epi, no big deal but jsut because we want natural childbirth because its what every woman on earth did before an epi was available, doesnt make me some kind of martyr.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]but every woman died at age 40. is that what you want? oh, and i'm assuming women with lots of junk in the trunk and hips the width of an airplane hangar can deliver any size baby with no issues.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Um, no, I think all the posts indicate that the external size of the women matters very little. Being small doesn't mean a woman can't deliver naturally, and being large idn't a guarantee that she can.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^isn't
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np. hip width is an issue.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how quick is quick -- curious
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Quick for me was standing at the mall and having my water break, no contractions, and holding my baby less than 2 hours later. I only had about a half hour of contractions that I could feel. I am the OR
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Quick for me was thinking that I might be in labor - contractions were very, very mild. Decided to drive to the hospital and was in L&D for less than 40 minutes before DB was born. Whole labor was about 90 minutes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: quick for me was 1 hour between water breaking and delivery.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Having seen women who have given birth naturally and those who have planned natural but gone for epis, I think their experience of labor is completely different. People have different pain threshholds, physically and psychologically. I have seen women literally pass out from pain during labor and women who were not in excruciating pain. It is the women who are lucky enough to not have an unbearable labor experience who were generally willing and able to go natural.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh really?! We did it because it did not really hurt that much. Riiiight..got it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: The OR here is nuts. Spoken like someone who has never had natural childbirth. PS - how on earth does someone know they are "lucky" enough to have a "bearable" experience if it's their first and decide to go natural, like I did?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i get or's point. not sure if i agree, but i get it. i'm not really sure what point you are trying to make beyond proving the cliche that you DID in fact have something to prove and DO want that medal for not having the epidural.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That was pretty funny wasn't it??? lol. Because let me just say that having my 9 pound 10 ounce baby without any meds hurt like all holy hell!!! (but I'd still do it again).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: uh yeah. Having my baby drug free hurt like nothing I've ever thought possible. But I can't wait to do it again. And I'm one of the people who posted on accomplishments post that it was one of my top 2 accomplishments in life. I worked hard, mentally and physically, to prepare and to achieve that goal.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OR: It was not meant as a personal insult to state that people have diffent experiences of pain during labor. I'm curious why this offends you and makes you feel like you need to defend the idea that you were in pain? Does the fact that you suffered have anything to do with why you chose a natural childbirth? You don't need to prove that you endured pain to be confident of your decision. None of the women who made the choice with me to have a natural birth ever cited a desire to suffer as a reason why, but of course you are entitled to your own motivations. Anyway, I have been at hundreds of births and have 3 dc, one natural (not by choice). There is no doubt in my mind that labor can be completely different in terms of pain for me personally amongst my births, and for all the women I've seen go thru it. There is no right or better choice and suffering more doesn't validate your choice. You don't need validation for a perfectly reasonable decision. My point was that there are factors at play beyond just desire when it comes to natural/epidural. Some women truly have an unbearable pain experience: unbearable as in they could not withstand the pain and needed pain relief available regardless of their ideal birth plan (similar to an extreme example of anyone will eventually reach a pain limit if subject to torture long enough). I just believe that a lot of labor and delivery is beyond our control and no women should feel defensive, guilty, or too proud of any choice. As with all of life, it's part choice and part fate/God's will/luck (whatever your spiritual belief).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^completely different in terms of pain for me personally amongst my births, and for all the women I've seen go thru it. There is no right or better choice and suffering more doesn't validate your choice. You don't need validation for a perfectly reasonable decision. My point was that there are factors at play beyond just desire when it comes to natural/epidural. Some women truly have an unbearable pain experience: unbearable as in they could not withstand the pain and needed pain relief available regardless of their ideal birth plan (similar to an extreme example of anyone will eventually reach a pain limit if subject to torture long enough). I just believe that a lot of labor and delivery is beyond our control and no women should feel defensive, guilty, or too proud of any choice. As with all of life, it's part choice and part fate/God's will/luck (whatever your spiritual belief).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^and no women should feel defensive, guilty, or too proud of any choice. As with all of life, it's part choice and part fate/God's will/luck (whatever your spiritual belief).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
oh give it up...if you're a nurse or a doula, you don't sound very empathetic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: Neither. Supporting a woman's choice to have a natural birth or epidural is the easy part. The challenge is assuaging the guilt of a laboring woman who was certain she would do natural, but simply cannot endure the pain any longer and needs pain relief. Unfortunately, women, their spouse, and their families often put unhealthy and unfair pressures on women to "succeed" at a natural birth. The biggest challenge is helping a woman realize that a healthy birth is a successful one, regardless of how they get there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]clap, clap, clap!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]who's family or dh pushed natural childbirth? God my family thought I'd need a C bc the baby was getting big and I'm tiny = they were right. They also didn't care whether I bf or not. Just happy I'm I had a healthy baby who was getting fed
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry whose
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
WTH does this have to do with those of us who are proud of having a natural childbirth though? Simply because some can't/don't, we can't feel proud?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Sometimes interventions with epi etc can actually benefit the baby greatly - quicker birth etc
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I understand too. I had an epidural because it hurt so bad! I can't imagine having the strength to go through that without drugs, and for normal births the outcomes are better. So hats off to the moms who can do it!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had two natural births and one (my third) with an epidural. The epidural felt surreal and freaky - how little pain there was during hard labor - but I felt physically better so much faster after the natural births. I have a high pain threshhold though and had reasonablt quick and uncomplicated labors. If I were doing it again I would definitely do natural.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: I did like how much better I felt after the natural birth. I could have walked out of the hospital right after delivery. With the epidural, I was knocked out and in incredible pain once it wore off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't think that some women have higher pain thresholds. I think that SOME births are easier than others. I had 2 relatively quick, non-medicated births. One was manageable, the other was not (I was a wreck, like the OP described her experience).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]both pain threshold and pain tolerance are variable between individuals. it is absolutely true that some women have higher and some lower pain thresholds. this is not debatable. this combines with different labors to create a subjectively different birth experience between women and even within one woman's mulitple birth experiences.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Okay. You sound like you know what you're talking about. My own experiences were very different, surprisingly so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had three deliveries, and three very different pain experiences. It is not all subjective. During one delivery I sustained a very severe tear (4th degree I believe is what they called it), tore through to rectum, THAT was excruciating. The baby presented as posterior AND brow, and should have been delivered by C. He has significant disabilities BTW. We will never know for sure what role the delivery might have played in that too. I bled daily from the wound site for a year. I was in a lousy HMO (midwife delivered) and they kept telling me I was just taking a long time to heal from a very difficult delivery. FInally consulted an MD (at my own expense) outside the HMO a year later, and apparently it looked like I had a no-intervention delivery in the wild somewhere, lots of damage to my body. The idea deliveries are only "subjectively" more or less painful is BS. It all depends on how the baby presents, the size of the baby, the size of the mother, and whether or not it is a first delivery.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]btw in that delivery I was in so much pain at one point I lost the ability to talk, all I could do was moan, it was so horrible if I had been given a loaded gun I would have put myself out of my misery.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i am sorry for your experience. but pain threshold is, by definition, subjective. i agree that more severe medically complicated deliveries are, on average, perceived as more painful than uncomplicated ones. if you took 100 volunteers and gave them a superficial laceration or a full-thickness laceration, i agree that all would report a greater degree of pain with the latter. but that has nothing to do with my point, which I stand by, that pain threshold and pain tolerance are subjective experiences, measurable, but subjectively reported differently by different individuals.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
okayyyyy, and for anyone who wants the real facts, I urge you to read "pregnancy, childbirth and the newborn" by Penny Simkin. She not only explains everything that could potentially happen with every single intervention you could have, she does it in a way that makes no one feel inferior for their choices
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what's sad to me-- and i have done a lot of professional research in this area-- is that the entire debate so often centers around the epidural. get one, don't, whatever. the word "natural" should be banned. but what's really lame is UNNECESSARY inductions, episiotomies and c-sections. All of those are really unpleasant things (unlike pain medication). And yet us women are all bitching about who was tough enough for the pain. I had births both ways, the pain is ATROCIOUS. I loved my non medicated and medicated birth. What I hated about the medicated birth was the entire experience ASIDE from the epidural. What I loved about my non-pain medicated birth was the entire experience except for the pain (though I will say the post labor pain euphoria does exist and I healed 50 times faster with no meds.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree with a good 90% of what you're saying, but I don't think most of the women who delivered naturally and are posting about it tonight are priding ourselves on being tough: many of us made a decision that we thought would give us the best chance of avoiding other interventions because we don't have control over a medical system that tends to encourage interventions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i agree with you 100% -- didn't mean to attack.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It just bothers me when other women say they choose no meds because of ego. There are so many other factors involved.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Until you've delivered a child naturally, you have no idea how incredibly painful, yet wonderful, the birthing of a human being can be.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]my #2 came very quickly and although i remember it being painful, it wasnt at all as painful as i thought i might be...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]and those poor, deprived women who have to have c section, they just have no idea how wonderful the birthing of a human being is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thanks for the kudos! My OB said the same thing. It was brutal but worth it -- I'm planning to go through it again in a few weeks with #2.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm not sure it's all mental, but i must say that it wasn't as bad as i thought.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]There is an inbetween. I had an epidural but had them turn it off when getting closer to pushing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The only thing that mattered to me about my pregnancy was the baby it was going to produce. I understand that some women choose to refuse pain meds and why, but that does not make them better people or better mothers. I really don't get why someone would develop some superiority complex over going without an epi, and judge those who do to boot..
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA with this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]tritto
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I heard of a woman who delivered an 11lb baby without an epi. Her pelvis broke. Try that without pain meds.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]how horrible. I think it is ridiculous to go without needed pain meds, and I would not do without pain relief at the dentist's either, it is all so ridiculous, what an idiotic contest.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]A-MEN!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had open heart surgery without pain meds. It was such a wonderful experience. Painful but I'm glad I went through it. I hope I can contract another life-threatening disease so I can prove myself this way again!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]your an ass
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I heard of a woman who didn't realize she was in labor until the baby was practically out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
maybe they'll make a new category for it at the Olympics. Then you all can display your evident superiority to the whole world on television.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]now that i would definitely need a brazilian before birth.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
for me, pain is not a character-building experience. It's just something to get through.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hey before epidurals and other modes of pain suppression everyone went through natural childbirth. I see no need to go back to the olden days but it's everyone's individual choice of course
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]One interesting thing is not the superiority SOME mothers may have about natural childbirth, but the defensiveness of those who did not. Why are women chastising each other for making different choices? It's so pointless.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. I have had 3 drug-free births and one epidural and I am not smug about either choice. I chose to have drug-free births after the epidural b/c I really did not like the way the epi (and other pain meds) made me feel. I also felt I recovered faster without drugs. I don't understand why EITHER side has to talk down to the other, or why there even have to be 'sides.' We all gave birth. We all have children. The End.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] What's a good weight for me? I think I am 5'5", 28yo, 2DCs and I work out a moderate... 7 replies
- Do you feel overweight? It depends how you carry weight. I'm 5'4" and 108 and 12 months post partum - breastfeeding is a godsend!!!!!! Are you happy with yourself? Don't worry about what other people say...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
What's a good weight for me? I think I am 5'5", 28yo, 2DCs and I work out a moderate amount. I always feel like I need to lose 20lbs. Need some perspective.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 03:58 PM [ Flag ]Do you feel overweight? It depends how you carry weight. I'm 5'4" and 108 and 12 months post partum - breastfeeding is a godsend!!!!!! Are you happy with yourself? Don't worry about what other people say...unless of course you are 175 lbs...then you should probably lose the 20 lbs!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am 5 months post partum and feel fat. I am at 130lbs. I would like to be at 110lbs, but I don't know if that's realistic. Prebaby I was 120 and I felt great.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
it's more about body mass index then weight. if you eat right and exercise, you'll soon get so confident that you stop using a scale. really.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]um, body mass is based on height and weight.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i'm 5'5" 39 with 2 dc. weigh 132 and def could lose 5.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]110-115 no matter what your body frame is either that or your chubs
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 02:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i would say 125-130...but of course depends on where you carry it (boobs ok, belly not), body frame, muscle percentage, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I have a horrible head cold and I ebf my 4mo db. Usually when I am sick, I barely ea... 3 replies
- Breastfeeding while you are sick is a great way for db to get immunity through your milk. Keep breastfeeding! (But maybe hold off on the kisses for a while...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
I have a horrible head cold and I ebf my 4mo db. Usually when I am sick, I barely eat - now? I am starving all the time. Is this because I am bfing? Also, any tips on how to keep db healthy? I am SAHM so I am with db all the time. I have been washing my hands like crazy, but can't really keep a distance from db. Hoping db doesn't get sick.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 07:29 AM [ Flag ]there's not much else you can do. in general, i found that db did not get sick from me though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Breastfeeding while you are sick is a great way for db to get immunity through your milk. Keep breastfeeding! (But maybe hold off on the kisses for a while...)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]less chance of db getting sick if you are b-feeding. change your shirt before holding and wash hands.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Breastfeeding Moms: I have been nursing DS for 5.5 months. We went away for a weeke... 35 replies
- You should stop if you want to I guess, but if you like breastfeeding, there are many many ways to get your supply back up. Including: rent a hospital-grade pump for a little while (...
- The OP asked for advice from other breastfeeding moms and she's getting very helpful advice from pretty much everyone but you....
Talk : : November 17, 2009
Breastfeeding Moms: I have been nursing DS for 5.5 months. We went away for a weekend, left DB and forgot the pump. I hand expressed as much as I could, but it wasn't enough. Milk supply has gone way down, despite much pumping and nursing to get it back up. I have been heavily supplementing with formula in the meantime. After dealing with this for a week, I am now ready to throw in the towel and just move on to formula. Feeling guilty as DC#1 was bf until 16mo.
35 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 11:14 AM [ Flag ]Talk to a lactation consultant. Keep nursing, but you might have to supplement formula!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What would you like to ask us? I am a BF mom and if you want my opinion, stop supplementing, gradually, but dramatically decrease the amount of formula you give. Your milk supply will naturally build back up. Also, I would call a LC if you're committed to continuing nursing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i totally agree with this...BUT if you want to throw in the towel just do it..its hard work keeping it up
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, I forgot to put in the question. How can I get my supply back up? I am afraid to decrease the formula as DB is hungry and my supply just isn't there since that weekend. I spoke to a LC and she just said to pump and get him on the breast as much as possible.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You absolutely need to give less formula if you want your supply to go up. Pumping does not stimulate milk production the way that nursing does. Your baby will be fine. Read his/her cues and decrease formula intake in a measured, responsible way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I agree that pumping is not the same. You need to nurse, nurse, nurse. I encountered decreased production a few times when I was nursing and that was always the solution, along with the water, oatmeal and fenugreek. Not sure if the oatmeal and fenugreek actually help, but it didn't hurt.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Do you mean oatmeal for me or for DB? I just started DB on oatmeal cereal last night and he actually slept. Poor guy is really hungry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry, I stepped away. Oatmeal for you. Poor db.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: You gradually reduce the amount of formula you are giving, and allow DB to nurse more often to build supply. What worked for me was to eliminate the supplements on feeding at a time, you could also gradually reduce the amount you give at each feeding.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^"one feeding at at time"
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You should stop if you want to I guess, but if you like breastfeeding, there are many many ways to get your supply back up. Including: rent a hospital-grade pump for a little while (tremendous difference, and your insurance might cover it if OB or pediatrician writes a note), talk to a consultant, etc. But, if you're done, don't kill yourself with guilt -- just enjoy yourself!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You have to pretty much nurse on demand until your supply goes back up. It's all about supply and demand. Your supplementing with formula is not helping the situation. You also need to drink a ton of water, eat oatmeal, and take fenugreek. If you do all that, your supply will increase to where it was. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ditto.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you know what "supply and demand" means? That's not it! LOL when peopple say this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Were you EBF before this? Because my boobs would have exploded over the course of a weekend if I wasn't nursing my 5.5 month old.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: no kidding. i would have had to buy a pump or go back home. that said, throw in the towel and get some formula. hope the weekend was fun!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]or: yeah, I was thinking that too, I would have bought a cheap pump...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]or gone to a local hospital for a quick pump? i wouldn't have made it all weekend at 5 months - i was a max productin at that point (and using a hospital grade pump).
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP: Ok, really embarrassing but we were in the mountains in the middle of no where and um, DH might have helped some. So glad this is anon!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh wow - kind of gross but in an emergency okay. yuck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not yuck. Men ask women to swallow all the time, breastmilk is better than semen.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Act now. Stop w/ formula. feed on demand, pump after each feeding and start w/ herbal supplements. Goat's Rue worked for me. You can do it. I all but weaned db, then started up again after slowly weaning for a month.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't listen to these nazis. 5.5 months is plenty! if you are ready to throw in the towel, DO NOT feel guilty, and do not visit a lc who will just make you feel even more like crap. congrats! you've done a great job!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]encouraging a questioning mom to continue breast feeding = nazis? Your perspective is far, far, far off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you obviously have a personal issue with this
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The OP asked for advice from other breastfeeding moms and she's getting very helpful advice from pretty much everyone but you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: let's just ignore this looney tune.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]it seems that she has made her decision and is asking to be absolved of her guilt. i say right on to the poster who says she has done a great job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Read third post. Her question is "how do I get my supply back up?"
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, it seems like she's (understandably) frustrated and is asking for some advice and support. Why would she be asking how to get her supply back up if she had already made a decision?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
she didn't say she had to continue - was asking for all opinions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
"nazis" - you don't know what you are talking about!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You've gotten a lot of good advice, so I just wanted to chime in a say that it is possible. More medical reasons, I need to "pump and dump" for four days when my son was younger. Yes, I was pumping, but my supply went down anyway. Agree with above: breastfeed as much as possible, scale back on formula, drink a TON of water, herbal supplements (Fenugreek capsules are a lot stronger than the tea), healthy healthy food including OATMEAL for you, and rest.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't feel guilty - it's almost 6 months. that's more than enough if you've had it. Don't pressure yourself. Formula is fine
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's debatable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Not a major issue, but wondering. My MIL's first words when she saw me after giving b... 12 replies
- Or during the endless hours of breastfeeding? Moms of newborns can still think, you know....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
Not a major issue, but wondering. My MIL's first words when she saw me after giving birth were "thank you". She didn't ask how I was (not even later in the conversation). At the time (very difficult birth), I was nonplussed, but my DH was really pissed off at her. He felt that she was treating me as if I'd doner her a favour. I'm not looking to be pissed off in retrospect, but I've been wondering ever since, was that really rude of her?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 12:59 PM [ Flag ]I don't think it was rude, but perhaps a bit weird. She was apparently thanking you for giving her a grandchild, which is a nice gesture, but IMO, mothers & MIL's are somewhat stunted in dealing with their daughters or DIL's having children...they have forgotten what it's like and are only thinking in terms of being grandparents.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]without knowing your MIL and your relationship w/ her, I wouldn't say from this that she was being rude.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not at all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't mean to be rude, but the fact that you have time to think about this with a newborn must be because you have a nanny and a night nurse.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Or during the endless hours of breastfeeding? Moms of newborns can still think, you know.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: that's hilarious. I didn't even know what night nurses were when I gave birth! I've been thinking about it because it was the first instance of me NOT being appalled at something my MIL says and actually defending her to my DH.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Maybe she was just in awe of what you had just done? Unless she's entitled the rest of the time I wouldn't think much of it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Are you kidding?!?! This is actually kind of nice! She is thanking you for doing what her son could not do on his own--give birth to a healthy child. I think it is kind of heart warming. I know my MIL, while she drives me crazy, is so happy that we brought a grandchild into her life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think it sounds rude. It sounds like she may have been very excited to be a Grandparent! Very appreciative. She probably knew you were ok because if you weren't you wouldn't have visitors.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know that it's rude...but I probably wouldn't have liked it either. Sometimes grandparents think it's all about them. In the context of ALSO caring about you, it would have come off a lot better.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]awww, it's sweet. you DID do her a favor. you gave her one of life's great joys. you and your husband need to let it go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think it was a lovely response!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] vent: db was a long (21in) and good sized baby (8.5lbs). due to breastfeeding issues,... 21 replies
- i care b/c she didn't gain weight and i felt like i was starving her as i limited breastfeeding time (only 20 minutes each feeding) to deal with pain after a LC said that would be fine. it wasn't. but now she's a good, solid weight. it just feeds into my guilt complex....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
vent: db was a long (21in) and good sized baby (8.5lbs). due to breastfeeding issues, she didn't regain birthweight until 1 month, but kept growing. she is now 3 months and in the 50th %ile for her age (over 12lbs). She has skinny looking limbs, but a chubby tummy/face. however, it KILLS me when people call her skinny! she isn't! i haven't been this annoyed since people told me to just have more sex to get pg (have PCOS/am anovulatory)!
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag ]OP: one friend commented on a pic on facebook that she wanted to take db and fatten her up! i know she was just being playful, but it really hurt.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hate those kinds of people oo. Just come up with your stock answer and stick with it. Might a suggest (with a look of surprise on your face): "Really, her pediatrician says that she's perfect!"
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i know, i just become so defensive. thanks :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hmm. My 20 month old looks so chunky, but is only 14% for weight. Just appears chunky, so am always shocked when the pediatrician tells me she is slight. Why do you care? Do you have guilt about nursing her? I nursed both of my babies. and they are both, now, slim. My OB tells me this is common. Why worry?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i care b/c she didn't gain weight and i felt like i was starving her as i limited breastfeeding time (only 20 minutes each feeding) to deal with pain after a LC said that would be fine. it wasn't. but now she's a good, solid weight. it just feeds into my guilt complex.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]by the way, still breastfeeding.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are reminding me of my SIL. Any chance your husband hasn't been 100% supportive on the bfeeding? Well, I am. Nurse her as long as you want, as often as you want, and tell everyone else to stuff it. And if they make a comment about your baby, start nursing in their face. That will shut the opinionated ones, like my MIL, up :) GL You're doing great.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]he is very supportive b/c of the antibodies it is giving her. in fact, in the beginning when she would cry and i would say the LC said it was fine, he insisted she was still hungry and i should feed her. i ignored him :( hence: i am guilty.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
PS Maybe Imissed your point, was trying to be supportive. No one should comment on the appearance of a baby, big or small. I reprimanded my friend for calling her own child, butterball. But listen, reallly. I guess recognize the comments go both ways, butterball, or skinny, but don't internalize them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. i'm going to try and just ignore comments. :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
start growing that skin of yours a little thicker. the free advice and stupid comments have just begun!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita. it sucks but there is a lot more coming your way!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]sigh, i know you're both right. i'm ok at deflecting unwanted advice on sleeping but i've become overly sensitive about feeding.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]get wonder woman wrist cuffs - put 'em on and use 'em!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]it does get worse. But I'm not kidding you, the only way I oculd get my MIL to stop commenting, negatively about the nursing, was to keep doing it right in frot of her. It made her so uncomfortable, she stopped visiting. Worked out nicely on all fronts :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]how sad she couldn't understand nursing. very sad. did she have any daughters?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i just figured out how to feed her in her carrier while walking down the street :) i'm pretty pleased with myself! as is db.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Everyone used to comment on how chubby my first baby was and it made me worried. Second baby is in the 5% for weight and 50% for height (you can imagine how skinny she is) and am now worried about that. Lol! Just blow them off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: i was just like your 2nd db and my sister was your 1st db! both will be fine :) thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My DD is 2.4 years old, 3 feet tall and weighs 24 pounds, which puts her in the 10% tile for weight. Her arms, legs, tummy, and face have not a trace of fat anywhere and it is very hard to get her to eat. I often I hear comments like "Do you feed her?" or other rude ones as well. My whole family is skinny so she is too but people act like because she's not huge that 'I' am doing something wrong. One of my friends actually said "I thought all babies were suppose to have a tummy."
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: ew to your friends
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Any advice on how to get milk suply back up? 15 replies
- Constant breastfeeding was the only thing that worked for me. Pumping and fenugreek did nada. But I had MAJOR supply issues....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
Any advice on how to get milk suply back up?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag ]^^supply
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Enough sleep, enough FOOD and WATER and lots and lots of nursing, plus pumping after nursing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I tried it all including oatmeal, fenugreek, malt. I found extra pumping helped a little. I'm sure the prescription med would help, but I did not try that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]pumping after each feed and taking fenugreek/milk thistle. that's what i did.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ oh, i did oatmeal, too. and lots of on demand feeding. my breasts were constantly in db's mouth.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Did the oatmeal help:? Which one helped the most do you think? Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^any old instant oatmeal? i eat the arrowhead instant - does it matter?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1/2 pint of guinness. my boobs almost exploded.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Constant breastfeeding was the only thing that worked for me. Pumping and fenugreek did nada. But I had MAJOR supply issues.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pump with a professional grade pump after each feeding or feed on one breast and pump the other. Lesser pumps do not duplicate the sucking power of an infant. Take 5-6 Fenugreek capsules 3x per day with lots of water. A beer will increase the supply once or twice, but is not dependable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Make sure you are sleeping. Your body is a factory when nursing and needs sleep.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
use the weekend (or whenever you can) as a nursing holiday. bring babe to bed with you, gather everyhting you need and everytime baby will, let them nurse, for a minute, a second, or a long session. 24-48 hours of that and your supply will increase. if it does NOT increase, seek help from an LC. BTW how old is baby? could you be at the stage where supply just normalized and don't *feel* full anymore?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]put your baby to the boob as much as possible
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i know it's been said here, but the best thing you can do is nurse all the time. if you're not home for extended stretches, think about pumping, but it never did anything for my supply. and drink tons of liquids and eat a lot and sleep. in other words, take care of yourself and nurse that baby. oh-- and don't spend any time worrying about it. makes it worse. relax and enjoy the baby. i miss nursing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Poor yourself a black & tan!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Breastfeeding/Losing Weight Question: My dd is 7 weeks and I'm EBF. I gained 26lbs ... 10 replies
Talk : : November 16, 2009
Breastfeeding/Losing Weight Question: My dd is 7 weeks and I'm EBF. I gained 26lbs during pregnancy and have about 8 left to lose and would like to lose it before I go back to work (want to get into an exercise routine while I'm home). So, since when you're breastfeeding you're supposed to eat an extra 500 calories a day, when you're exercising are you supposed to eat more on top of that so as to not reduce milk supply, or can you stick with the same calorie count and hopefully lose weight? I'm so confused...
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag ]I'm in your same boat, but my db is now 11 weeks. Do not increase your calories any further if you want to lose the rest of the week. Frankly, I didn't even increase the 500 for ebf (maybe 200), but I have a tough time getting baby weight off. Really watch your food choices, drink lots of water and eat oatmeal (filling, fiber, and increases milk supply), and exercise at least 5xweek and walk on the other days.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: thanks, good advice...i hate having to watch what i eat, but i have to start!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]or: i hate it too and I love to eat so it's not easy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I didn't increase my caloric intake initially either, but my dd was born 10 pounds and continued gaining off the charts so I wasn't worried. I had gained 35 pounds and she literally ate all the weight off in 8 weeks. However, if she hadn't been gaining so much weight I would have added more calories once I started working out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Don't worry, just eat so you feel full and have energy. I never counted calories. If I was hungry, I'd eat. I gained 27 lbs, similar to you, and lost 22 by 8wks. The last five came off over the course of 4 months, but with no diet or formal exercise routine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: not everyone is so lucky. I'm still trying to get rid of my baby weight and db is 2yo!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: with my first dd it took 2 years, so this time i am determined to lose it quick! thanks everyone for the advice!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would eat when hungry and drink plenty. You are still establishing milk supply, DO NOT RESTRICT now or baby won't get enough milk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good advice. OP, listen to this OR. You have plenty of time to slowly take off the pounds but establishing and maintaining milk supply is a bigger priority. And, pumping (once you're at work) is a great way to lose weight.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: thanks, i hear you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 7 wo dd still only sleeps 2-3 hrs at a time at night. any suggestions for how to leng... 5 replies
- ^^i'm breastfeeding btw, so i know from experience (2nd dd) that breastfed babies take longer to sleep through the night, in case that's relevant to you....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
7 wo dd still only sleeps 2-3 hrs at a time at night. any suggestions for how to lengthen her sleep time? tia!
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 09:09 AM [ Flag ]i think this is totally normal...you need to sleep when the baby sleeps.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i am at the same place as you and in the past 2 weeks my dd has slept for an occasional 5 hour stretch, so i know she's capable, but she won't do it every night. the only thing i've found which seems to help is to let her cluster feed in the evening, and if she can get a lot of calories in then, then she seems to sleep more soundly at night...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^i'm breastfeeding btw, so i know from experience (2nd dd) that breastfed babies take longer to sleep through the night, in case that's relevant to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
normal, roll with it. take naps during day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wait 4 months - best advice you'll get
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] For the lady who's planning an UB get-together in a NYC private school: please facto... 25 replies
- t it be fun to see who these trolls are? i'd like to know who keeps picking on the breastfeeding/natural childbirth moms in the greatest achievements post....
- Are there going to be "stations" with signs like: breastfeeding here; bedtime here; cheating husbands here; parents of 99x3 here...
Talk : : November 15, 2009
For the lady who's planning an UB get-together in a NYC private school: please factor in the cost of several armed security guards. Such mean trolls looking for fights in this group, there's sure to be trouble at your party!
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.09, 04:47 PM [ Flag ]wouldn't it be fun to see who these trolls are? i'd like to know who keeps picking on the breastfeeding/natural childbirth moms in the greatest achievements post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you think they are really ugly women irl? or perhaps beautiful, rich, yet 'empty' women devoid of friends?? hmmmm....
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes only ugly women ask for an epidural
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: lol, i wonder if they would pretend to be nice or if they would be really abrasive irl too. by the way, i totally begged for an epidural, and for that reason i can understand why somebody would be proud that they could go without!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I love your honesty! I got epidural too, but don't offer that unless asked. Does that make me ugly? Yikes. Welcome to UB---
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Are there going to be "stations" with signs like: breastfeeding here; bedtime here; cheating husbands here; parents of 99x3 here...?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes and a big booth with the "ex-prostitute" (with a bag over her head, of course) fielding questions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok so I am that mom and I sort of take offense, but I get it, its funny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I still don't believe you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok, I probably wouldn't either.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OMG, I'm sorry if I insulted you. It's just that I was rapt with attention reading your post last night. Wow...you have led quite a life!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I believe her! Come on, re-read that post---it was scary it was so believable!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Apparently I haven't at all! Just read somewhere else tonight that every few years an ex-prostitute posts. Not offended, not at all. It is very funny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
LOL
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I absolutely love you, girls...hilarious!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I actually am nominating myself to be on the planning committee for this party. It could be hilarious (as long as theres an open bar)
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Planning Committee! Great idea. I'm the one who suggested the gathering and offered the private school space. But I now see that making this happen should involve more than my naming a time and place, and providing some refreshments. Send an email to h4a51p7p3gaa0ep@jetable.net. I'll convince you that I can deliver suitable space. Then, an ad hoc committee can plan the thing. (Note: that email is a temporary forwarding account. Does not reveal my ID. Does not violate UB Terms of Use.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
And My 16 yo Rides in a Stroller.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's How She Rooolllllssss
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wouldn't that be such a weird evening. I need a few wines just to get the courage to walk in the door!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'd need a few bottles. And some sort of a latex mask. Can you imagine people scattering as they spied people they knew; it would be high comedy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No mask necessary. The committee has already taken care of that issue. Upon check-in, those fake glasses/nose/bushy mustache concealers will be given to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There will be dunking booths as well. The poster who puts her db to bed then goes out at night will be the first one up on the pedestal.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The evening would have to include the crowning of Sanctimomy. We'll also name the "parents most likely to produce HYP offspring," as well as the "troll most likely to end up living under a bridge." But the contest everyone will try to win is "the most grounded, least competitive parent." I think we should limit that contest to New Yorkers (because its much easier to stay grounded and noncompetitive when you are in the wilderness).
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Looking back on your adult life: What single life accomplishment makes you most proud... 176 replies
- NP: I think you are the one who sounds defensive. I don't see where this poster said breastfeeding is the most important gift a parent can give a child. She merely said that she was proud that she breastfed for over a year. Was it nice to bash IBs? No. But neither is you picking on her for breastfeeding. It makes YOU sound defensive...
Talk : : November 14, 2009
Looking back on your adult life: What single life accomplishment makes you most proud? (Ok to list 2.) I am thinking of something that you had to work hard to get or achieve.
176 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.14.09, 01:33 PM [ Flag ]Family - I am very proud of the fact that I have a wonderful and passionate marriage of 30 years and had three children two of whom I raised to be fine adults the 3rd is only 8 :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^and #2 I am also happy that I went to Wharton when it had very few women students and went on to work for 25 years as an independent and successful woman.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
The work I did getting political asylum for refugees and reuniting them with their families.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I didn't marry a loser/jerk. First woman in my maternal line to be able to say that in four generations.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow. Well I'm glad for you. Were the others really all that bad though?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yep.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well then let's dilute that gene pool!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I figure my girls are ahead of the game having an involved dad who actually supports them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1. natural childbirth 2. getting a PhD
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]natural childbirth? seriously?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we c section people are just lowly moms in comparison - oh does my labor count because my epi didn't work?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Np: dude, relax. How could someone else's pride in THIER own accomplishment be a diss to you? OR said nothing about thinking you were anything, your own lack of self esteem created those thoughts. If you are not proud of going through your birth experience, that is on you. It's like saying I'm proud of running a marathon, it doesn't mean your 5k is something I find less impressive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]except that the comparison between a 5k and a marathon and natural childbirth and one with an epidural is completely specious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]second that
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: you are being jerks. the question is what makes HER proud, not what would make you proud. it certainly wasn't something i felt like i could do, so props to her!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it's like saying you're proud of squeezing off a particularly long turd. what's the accomplishement here?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: you're comparing natural childbirth to "squeezing out a particularly long turd"? I hope you're a teenage boy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]there's really no difference between going through natural childbirth and having a tooth extracted without anesthesia. and why would anyone be proud of the latter?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]There is a huge difference. And if you can't see that on your own, I doubt you and I could have a meaningful dialogue on the topic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]in both cases you're anesthetizing pain. no difference imo, and i have no interest in your "meaningful" dialogue.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What on earth could you possibly have invested in convincing me that something I take pride in is not "pride-worthy" in your opinion? Just seems so sad and ill-spirited. Take your negativity somewhere else...please!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm not trying to convince you of anything. i have an opinion, you have yours. we both have a right to express them on ub.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This isn't about difference of opinion. The difference is I can't imagine trying to convince someone that their proudest accomplishment isn't worth the pride. You seem so full of hate and hostility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I agree, you sound full of hate and hostility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There is no way this OR has ever had a child, medicated, unmedicated, csection. If you compare a pulled tooth to child birth you have not given birth. Stop sparring with this freak who somehow gets off on this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]but would you brag about having open-heart surgery without anesthesia? the point isn't the amount of pain involved, the point is why brag about something so pointless?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Look, having a baby and having a tooth pulled are two different things. And, you must not know anyone who has had heart surgery because they all love to show off their zippers. But I am sure you would say that because they ate red meat and predisposed genetically to heart disease they have no right to be happy to have survived right? I mean, by your reasoning, breast cancer survivors can't be proud either, I mean that is something that happened to them, right? No reason to be proud, having your boobs cut off is akin to popping a big zit. OR you don't seem to have responded to anything you are proud of in any of these weird rants, what's wrong, scared?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my dh had heart surgery, actually. and being happy to have survived is not the same thing as being proud to have done it without anesthesia. which he didn't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np. by that logic, i should be just as proud of my medicated birth. i mean, i survived same as you, right?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You've got to be kidding me. You are a riot, really. I know you have not given birth to a baby, but if you ever do, remember this moment and consider why someone might be proud of having gone through it with or without drugs. And when someone on an anon board asks you to state what makes you proud and you do, you should not be attacked for being a braggart. Now, OR, what is it that you are proud if againg?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, you should. You absolutely should be and I said as much, you are just to busy being angry to realize that being proud of one thing does mean a person begrudges you the pride in your own accomplishments. Jesus Christ, I am allergic to lidocain and have to have all my dental work done unmedicated and it f'ing blows, and I am damn proud of getting through it, or doesn't think I should be though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i have had tons of dental work and have never had novacaine or lidocaine. i'm not sure how that qualifies me as a hero.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What are you talking about? No one is calling themselves Heros, not me, not any of the natural birth people, not even the lady who worked with refugees. You have a real complex about something and you really need to step back and think about this for a while. Pride means your a hero? What's your next post gonna be about? Eating nuts means you're a squirel? Also, novacain is no longer used, not for decades, just an FYI.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my point was i have NEVER used local anesthesia, even as a dc. and i assume it's fine by you if some of us roll our eyes at you for being "damn proud" of getting a tooth filled without lidocaine whether you call yourself a hero or not. i mean, seriously: "damn proud" should refer to soldiers fighting in iraq!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Like I said, you have a serious complex, you really need a reality check.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'd say you do. but we'll agree to disagree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]WTF are you talking about? Soldiers in Iraq? My eyes are rolling for sure.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so get laughing gas - you don't want to so you would rather suffer
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes. i think the term should be reserved for people who actually merit it. not for someone who gets a tooth filled without anesthesia. which honestly sounds like a joke and i can't believe you're defending it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR, I am still waiting for you to post your great accomplishments. I can now assume that they are better and more pride producing than serving ones country since that seems to be the only thing short of whatever you are so great at that deserves props. So, what is it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can't merit pride, idiot, pride is self regulated. You can be proud of what you want in another person but you cannot regulate pride. Nazi soldiers had pride, you don't have to like it, but it doesn't mean it didn't exist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Who is the laughing gas thing for? Because my browser gets weird and I can't follow these posts. If it's for me, I can't, I have heart murmur, I can use carbocaine but it doesn't actually do anythig so I end up having about 10 shots in my gums that don't even stop the pain.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]hey, you're the one whose chest puffs out when she gets a sticker from the dentist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. uh-kay.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i personally think the "i had my tooth filled, where's my medal" is worse than a nazi. but then once a thread devolves to nazi slurs, it's toast. see goldwin's law.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA! I TRIED natural and ended up screaming for the drugs once the pitocin kicked in. PROPS mama!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 10:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too! I'm impressed!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Um the question was, what accomplishment makes YOU most proud. Obviously you aren't too proud of your c-section so pick something else to brag about.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]clap clap clap
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Honestly wish I had a planned C - would have been much better. I am certainly not embarrassed or not proud that I needed a c to get my baby out healthy and not die in the process. I really don't care how a baby comes out as long as it's healthy. Actually I am not a bragger -unlike others apparently
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good for you and glad your db is doing well. and ita that it's a ridiculous thing to brag about.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NO ONE IS BRAGGING! People are responding honestly about their proudest accomplishment. That you think their pride has ANYTHING to do with you or your choices is you taking the seriously CRAZY train!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i'm proud of my baby, a$$wipe. the way he arrived is completely beside the point.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That good, your proud of your baby. Now let others have their pride too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]wtf, you illiterate tool? you just said, "you obviously aren't proud of your c-section." bite me, you little tw&t.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OR: Yes, I was and am serious. And disgusted by all these nasty responses and thankful for the kind ones. People are crazy. Natural childbirth was incredibly hard, I had to prepare a lot, mentally and physically. No one can take that accomplishment away from me, not even bitter moms on UB. And the "c Section" poster - you are crazy and defensive that you think my pride says anything about your delivery method. Personalize much? The whole world isn't about you!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 05:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Np: I am proud of having natural child birth too and also for nursing my children gor a year+ each. They are my greatest accomplishment to date. I hope to have real career success, but nothing will ever make me more proud than my girls.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is so sad to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: why is that so sad? those are real achievements! i didn't do either of those things, and ideally i would have liked to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i hope it doesn't say on my tombstone, "i nursed db for 13 months"
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it doesn't have to! this lady is just saying that it was something SHE was proud of! to each her own.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hope it doesn't say on my tombstone that I spent my life investing other peoples money and saw my children 12 hours a week. That's me, what ever your thing is is your thing. Whatever you say, it won't make me feel bad about being proud of these things. I know you are saying these things because you want to get a rise out of me, but I know who I am and I know I did what I wanted when I wanted to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]good for you, posts like this always attract jerks who hate their own lives for whatever reason. ignore!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow, miss defensive! the ib-bashing is really off the point here. i personally think there are more important things you can do for your child than bf'ing. are you really saying of all the lessons you could teach them, the values you could instill in them, boob juice is it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I think you are the one who sounds defensive. I don't see where this poster said breastfeeding is the most important gift a parent can give a child. She merely said that she was proud that she breastfed for over a year. Was it nice to bash IBs? No. But neither is you picking on her for breastfeeding. It makes YOU sound defensive!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the question was what SINGLE accomplishment in your life makes you most proud. i find it hard to believe this would be it, that's all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]find it hard to believe anyone is as dumb as you, does that mean it's right?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]is this your idea of a witty riposte?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, touché, op, you got me, I will crawl back into my hole now and lament ever trying to go up against the likes of your mighty wit. I am ashamed for even considering myself worthy of you, why, tour moniker should real be UBNC (that urban baby's Noel coward.) dear me, my self worth my never recover.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: doubt it was OP who said that. i think all sorts of people think you sound like a jerk!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm sorry, but i know you are but what am i doesn't really count as a comeback around here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am OP and have not posted anything since the original question. Was out and just got back and this sure went in an unexpected direction. Phew.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Bf-ing is REALLY hard for some women. Some women (like myself) tried EVERYTHING to keep bf-ing, but at the end of the day, baby screamed when I BF and didnt when she drank formula. Doc suggested full formula, tried it for a few days, she was like a completely diff baby. went back to bf-ing and she was back to herself and screaming after every meal. was HORRIBLE. I would feel DANG PROUD if I could have done it for that long!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 10:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Sorry, still not gonna get me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. ITA. You are the one sounding defensive. What do you care? She is not bashing you for choosing not to bf.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Why? This is my choice, some people want nothing more than to be Ibankers, I would die if that was my life. My career is fullfilling, but my girls are the best thing that ever happened to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]they happened to you. how is that an accomplishment? how is bf'ing for a certain, random amount of time going to make any difference at all in dd's lives or in yours?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: it is really sad that somebody started this post as a way for people to shout out their most proud accomplishments, and you feel the need to tear them down. don't agree that their accomplishments are so great? then move on. post your own. but why on earth would you feel the need to troll on this post? jeez.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm the or he is picking on, it is just another bored weirdo trying to make us question our selves, ignore it, I for one could never be hurt by such a person.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Listen, sir, I don't care what you think. I know what you're doing and it won't work. Sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]take it to babycenter.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ouch, now that hurts. Grow up, no one is buying you lame game. Why don't you post about being a Glenn Beck fan on the huff post instead. It is sp obvious you are a plant, why else would you be on the ny school board with this sh*t?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]aw, poor thin-skinned mom who counted the days she bf'd and marked each with a gold star on a holly hobby calendar can't take the heat.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you know there is more than one person posting here? And do you understand sarcasm? Are you Hubs poster? God, you're a terrible writer.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she's great imo. witheringly funny!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i wouldn't say withering or funny. kind of sad. like the kid nobody likes in high school who sits alone at lunch and TRIES to think of witheringly funny insults... but the bitterness just gets in the way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Great. What does that have to do with the method of their birth or the duration of bf?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]exactly
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I like you and you have lucky children.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1. There was an article in the NYT about my dissertation project. 2. I got to marry the love of my life! How many people can say that? I hope a lot, but I still feel lucky about it every day!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Very cool. What was the subject of your disseration?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Being a great teacher (don't think I am now, but still proud of the many years I was great), proud of dd, but don't think it was my accomplishment, proud of choosing a fabulous partner
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Have raised 4 good citizens of the world. They are nice people.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]:-). Since this is posting on ny school board, care to share where they went to grade school?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Volunteer teaching in Tanzania Africa and getting 2 of my students into college (there are only 2). First time for the school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]AWESOME FOR YOU!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Paid for my own undergrad and graduate degrees without having to compromise my morals.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]EBFing twins for a year (yeah YOU try it) and suffering through HBS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What is HBS?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]housewife buttgrowth syndrome.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 05:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]HBS= Harvard Business School
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
so you were a martyr
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita. these so-called "accomplishments" are really examples of i-deserve-a-medal-for-suffering that no one but op will ever remember or remark on. going to business school is not an accomplishment. becoming ceo of a fortune 500 company upon graduation is. bf'ing twins is not an accomplishment. raising them to be great dcs is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]how depressing you think that a personal accomplishment is limited only to something that others "remember or remark on" - we just learned a lot about you and your sad life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. I think your big accomplishment in life is trampling on others. Of cours HBS and bf'ing twins are HUGE accomplishments that you are criticizing simply because you personally were not capable. Get over it. Be happy for your own accomplishments.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. graduating from HBS is not accomplishment. Getting in is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
hey you chose to bf a year - I know quite a few and quite a few that just did formula. No big deal. Do what you feel like doing. I certainly don't judge nor think differently on either mom's choice. Nobody cares but you
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: this post has gone from happy and inspiring to depressing and hateful, and I'm pretty sure it's because of defensive anti-bf and anti-natural childbirth posters. Why all the hate, just let people enjoy their accomplishments! Good Lord, just let it go...
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think these people think they are better than others because of these accomplishments. If not then good for them I have a feeling they judge others though who do not choose to do as they do. This board is made up of sanctimommies
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]just because you think it, doesn't make it so. And when people are responding about what THEY believe are their personal accomplishments, how can you possibly disagree with that? It's like disagreeing with someone's favorite food. You sound fairly joyless. You are projecting judgment onto them because you feel judged in your life. Get some therapy, please.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]of course - the pat answer to everything on this board= get therapy. Must be a bunch of therapists on here vying for business:)
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]come on. if someone posted their favorite food was sawdust, there would be replies of, "really? sawdust? have you ever tried pate?" people are allowed to express disbelief over answers they find to be rather incredible and without inviting cries for therapy. agree with above poster. there are lots of bf'ing/natural childbirth sanctimommies on this thread.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]and lots of bitter bettys.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I love that I said that I was proud of BFing twins for a year and making through business school (it was really a struggle for me) and I'm a sanctimommy. I personally could care less if you go to grad school or breastfeed your child. Both things were hard for me so I'm proud of them. I also have a job many would be impressed by but I didn't mention this because getting there was way easier (for me) than the BFing and the school. In other words, where the hell was there any judgment in my post???????
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]there you go - an admitted sanctimommy - enough said - sanctis are always judgmental.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: wow, reading comprehension must not be your forte!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There wasn't. You post was lovely and you should be proud of your accomplishments. Way to go. I think this post veered off track with one very angry and hostile person. Ignore. (I am the natural childbirth/PhD poster)
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I suspect it was one jerk too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
EBF'ing twins for a year is amazing. Until anyone walks in your shoes, they should not minimize this accomplishment. Good for you on both counts!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you! I didn't even say that these two thing were so great. I understand that I didn't save the world or anything. The question was what accomplishments have made me proud. I have to laugh that somehow there is a "wrong" answer to this. In fact, many wrong answers!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I know BF is breast feeding. What's the E for?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]exclusively
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh, thanks for clarifying.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1.)Being self-supporting from the day I graduated college, with many professional accomplishments and also enormous work ethic. 2.)Being a single mom (wish I had met right man) of incredible DC - taking some credit for raising them so that I am now more proud of them then I could have ever imagined or dreamed of. Nothing will ever top the pride and love I feel for them ... and that makes me proud that I had some part in their being/becoming such great citizens of the world.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nice. Good for you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you for saying that. Really appreciate it,
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My career.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 06:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what is your career?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1. PhD. 2. Ran a marathon.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lots to be proud of here!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I worked and live abroad with my family for a year on less than 18,000 euro.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what country?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow, where? I would love to do this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I stopped drinking all together after drinking at least a bottle a night for five years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 07:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow. congrats.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My books hit the New York Times bestseller list. Didn't realize how much it would mean to me until it happened.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What subject area
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Fiction
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
were you a writer before your book?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, but not fiction. Just started writing fiction to see if I could do it - didn't anticipate (or think much about) the level of success and maybe because of that, found it even more surprisingly rewarding.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
That is truly amazing! It's a goal of mine. Congratulations!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks! Good luck to you! It CAN happen. :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Most people would say that winning numerous clio awards is pretty cool. but that doesn't compare to having 2 beautiful children who are happy and thriving.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Clio awards are VERY cool! I'm sure your dc are, too. Congrats!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
all these BF'ing/raising kids-related posts are making me think of that old Chris Rock bit about "taking credit for sh#t you're supposed to do." hilarious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]and all these negative posts in response to my 1. natural childbirth 2. PhD post are making me think that people have conflicted feelings about either 1. their most prideful accomplishments, or 2. their method of childbirth.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]are you kidding me? Not in a million years would I have considered natural childbirth -no conflicts there - I think most agree. Bring on the drugs
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]agree, bring on the drugs, but that doesn't make me think above poster accomplished something by refusing them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]then you don't know anything about natural childbirth. you are an ignorant and mean excuse for a person.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, i do. and no, i don't. different strokes for different folks. it's a choice, not an accomplishment and i am not ignorant nor a mean excuse for person for pointing that out. why the hate?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
none to speak of
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe I know what you mean? I have a decent self-image, yet I can't answer without replacing "proud" with happy. I've worked hard to accomplish things that have brought happiness.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. I have a positive self image and have accomplished some thing, but haven't yet achieved my ultimate career goal. FWIW, I think the clios, the Bestsellers List, Natural childbirth, and twin bfing moms all rock. Those are all accomplishments worth being proud of and as I have done none of them, I can't imagine that anyone would knock any of them -- or any of things people here have listed. Kudos to all!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]THANKS!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Self image is spin; forget about the losses, exaggerate the wins. So, you can't have decent or positive self-image and be unable to name an accomplishment of which you are proud. Put yourself in job interview mode or indignant mode (as if responding to someone having disrespected you), and tell us what you come up with.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Okay,I'm the first self image poster.I've worked on international,award winning advertising campaigns,had my work in shows at the Met,Whitney,and other museums. I've collaborated with great masters of photography,music,film and many genres of art and have achieved financial success and professional recognition and respect.I didn't take OP to be a cv request.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]*those are not the hallmarks of personal pride. I AM happy that the above have allowed me to make contributions to worthy causes and organizations and to use my reputation and recognition to positive effect.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
really nothing that you worked for, accomplished and now take pride in. Does that mean you didn't try? Or you tried and failed? Or what? It's just hard to believe the "nothing to speak of" answer. What did you consider putting here and rejected?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
A wonderful marriage of 40 years, successful children, beautiful grandchildren, and a career I love!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Finally being content with being an alternate to the Olympic Games. Took me awhile.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 08:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's so cool! i bet you were a swimmer. or a marathon runner. (i can't quite picture you as a shot putter, but that's cool too.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
my children!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]1)always continued to practice medicine (even very PT)when my dc were little 2)survived dh extensive biz travels with 3 very young dc and dealt with all issues alone while he was gone; this gave me a tremendous amount of confidence as a parent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]become a millionare just for my work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]type of work?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 03:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Becoming a Rhodes Scholar, becoming a partner in my firm and helping disadvantaged children.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 04:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]aww! Rhodes, what I would wish for but would never get (o.k. with that, though!) Congrats to you and so glad you're using your gifts so wisely.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is wonderful that you are using your talents to help kids who have strikes against them. but then, it's this quality that probably contributed to your being a Rhodes Scholar.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 09:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Undoubtedly, quitting smoking after 15 years at 2 packs a day...so many other wonderful things followed as a result- including marrying a great guy (who never would have considered being with a smoker in the first place) and having a delicious little boy. Quitting also taught me about my capacity to keep my eyes on the prize during the trying moments of my life
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Becoming a published author, professional accomplishments, having fun in my single days and then settling down finally (it wasn't easy) to get married and have a baby.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm going to write a book when I retire. And that will be my biggest achievement.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]everyone and their mother!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Stopping smoking. Tried and quit 4 times - for several years at a strectch. Fourth time was 20+ years ago and never smoked since then. It was a HUGE effort and a huge accomplishment for me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Staying true to my values and managing to not be swayed by what other people think of me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]grammar correction: managing not to be swayed ...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Loving and protecting my mentally and physically challenged foster brother as if were blood. Various career changes that took a lot of balls to pull off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] For the past 2 days, my 3 1/2 week old baby wants to nurse every hour and a half and ... 2 replies
- OMG that "bad pattern" is probably a sign of a growth spurt. Please feed your baby. Are you breastfeeding?...
Talk : : November 13, 2009
For the past 2 days, my 3 1/2 week old baby wants to nurse every hour and a half and wont nurse for very long . Before this, she was on a 2 1/2 to 3 hour schedule and nursed for longer. Any ideas how to break this bad pattern?
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.13.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag ]Why is that a "bad pattern?"
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 12:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG that "bad pattern" is probably a sign of a growth spurt. Please feed your baby. Are you breastfeeding?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Any NYC moms able to recommend a lactation consultant? I'm suffering from flat nipple... 14 replies
- There is a weekly breastfeeding support group at NYU...
Talk : : November 13, 2009
Any NYC moms able to recommend a lactation consultant? I'm suffering from flat nipples and my 1 week old baby won't latch on. I've tried all the advice La Leche League gave me over the phone but I need someone to come and help me hands-on.
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.13.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag ]Wellcare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I used Freda Rosenfeld & she made things work!! Her # is 718 469 5990.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 02:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can call Real Birth and go to one of their classes if you want, or they can probably give you names. Good luck!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 03:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]heather kelley at manhattan lactation consultants - they do home visits. also if you are in manhattan, yummy mummy (the new UES BF store) has great resources inc classes taught by LCs, etc so might have referrals for you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 03:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]heather kelley is great, as anyone else in the pracitce. they used to be at realbirth, but i am not sure now (i went there 4 years ago).
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Heather Kelley is a goddess, and saved my life. She is kind, funny, through, and expereinced. Lord knows you NEEEEED someone with a sense of humor when you are learning to BF.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There is a weekly breastfeeding support group at NYU
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 05:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]leigh anne o'connor -- wonderful!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]where did you deliver? St Vincent's has a weekly support group, and it is free!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 05:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you know if this group is only for people who delivered at st. vincents?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]To be honest, I don't know. I delivered there, but never went to the group, just saw it listed in the maternity programs brochure. Not sure if they would check for proof of delivery...? Here is the info, you can call - Maternity Education Program, 212-604-7946
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: Methodist in Brooklyn has one of these and it is open to anyone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^ Well, almost anyone. I'm thinking like John Lovetz wouldn't be welcome.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what hold are you using?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] ADVICE ASAP! I am having surgery tomorrow. Nothing too serious, I will be home by the... 7 replies
- but really I would check with as many people about when you can actually start breastfeeding b/c i had general anesthesia twice and i wasn't told anything about 24 hours...
Talk : : November 12, 2009
ADVICE ASAP! I am having surgery tomorrow. Nothing too serious, I will be home by the afternoon, but I have to have it done now. Problem. No one informed me that I couldn't nurse for at least 24 hours after being put under. I only have enough milk stored for about 8 hours. I cannot get my ds (5 months old) to take formula. I tried again tonight and he screamed for 30 minutes. Won't take it from my dh either. I have soy formula that I got from the hospital. Does Soy taste worse than other formulas? Is there a really good sugary formula babies like? I don't care if it is loaded with corn syrup if he will take it. It is only 24 hours. I am desperate! I am out of town for the surgery and I can't find any place that sells milk. What do I do?!
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.12.09, 04:59 PM [ Flag ]mix the breastmilk that you do have with formula to stretch it out over the 24 hrs that you cannot bf. it will make the formula more palatable to DB. GL to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]pump
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]duh. :) A little hard to get that much milk by 7 am tomorrow though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think she meant "pump & dump" until the drugs are out of your system.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
who told you that you couldn't nurse for 24 hours? i had two surgeries recently and was told that i should pump and dump once and even one of the anesthesiologists told me i could go ahead and feed the baby after surgery (though I didn't and pumped instead.) Did you try the premade formula or the powder? My baby hated the premixed and only took the powder mixed with water. I also second the mix some formula with breastmilk thing...but really I would check with as many people about when you can actually start breastfeeding b/c i had general anesthesia twice and i wasn't told anything about 24 hours...fwiw my kid is 14 months now and completely fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Call your pediatrician.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Good lotion for toddlers with dry skin? My dd has had patched of dry skin ever since ... 18 replies
- my daughter had the same on her face. The best stuff I have ever used is Lansinoh ointment. It's for healing cracked nipples when you start breastfeeding, but I use it on my lips every day. It comes in a purple tube. It works for everything....
Talk : : November 12, 2009
Good lotion for toddlers with dry skin? My dd has had patched of dry skin ever since she was born. It gets severely dry and then begins to flake. I have tried a few lotions but nothing works well. It is still just a few isolated patches but there is some on her face that (I think) might be bothering her. BTW, she is 2.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.12.09, 01:42 PM [ Flag ]Have you tried Baby Aveeno with the lavendar scent?
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I've tried one type of the Aveeno but it didn't seem to help. All my friends recommended it highly so that's why I tried it. I don't think it was the one with the lavender scent though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 01:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Vanicream (made by Mayo clinic, at Cherry's or online.) Purest cream ever - no fragrance, lanolin, etc etc. Even my ped says my 2 ds have the softest skin around. There's lotion for warm weather and cream for winter.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 01:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]California Baby calendula cream. I also give db half a teaspoon of flaxseed oil every day for skin problems and it works like a miracle.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^orally - i put it in oatmeal, not directly on the skin. check with ped. first, though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
cera ve. not expensive and works really well. recommended by our dermatologist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 01:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Try the Cetaphil moisturizing cream (not lotion). I love it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Our dd (almost 2) has painfully dry skin, and this has been an lifesaver!
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto this recomendation
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 03:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
we use Shekai borage oil lotion - one of the few that did the job and did not give senstive skin dc a rash - haven't tried all the others mentioned though
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Weleda Baby Oil
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA plus they also have a product called Skin Food, in a green box/tube. Use it sparingly. Also try Squalane by Mayumi.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think Aveeno,Curel,Gold Bond and SO much of the so-called dry/sensitive skin products are full of crap and fragrances which are useless and aggravating to skin. Anything with a bit of mineral oil,petrolatum,alcohol,parabens and polysorbates should be avoided. Try baths with a cup of baking soda stirred in.Just be sure she doesn't drink too much of that bathwater, as it may loosen her bowels.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
curel ultra healing -best stuff for anyone
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my daughter had the same on her face. The best stuff I have ever used is Lansinoh ointment. It's for healing cracked nipples when you start breastfeeding, but I use it on my lips every day. It comes in a purple tube. It works for everything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yep Lasinoh is good too. If there's breast milk in the house, use some of that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 03:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 03:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Vanicream is fantastic - Love their lotion and sunscreen. You can find it at Cherry's pharmacy or KidsRx or King Pharmacy in Tribeca.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 03:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I honestly don't believe it makes any dif in the long run if you BF or not so do what... 2 replies
- so easy to spot. BTW, breastfeeding does make a difference in the long run!...
Talk : : November 11, 2009
I honestly don't believe it makes any dif in the long run if you BF or not so do what makes you and your family happy. xo
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.11.09, 07:36 PM [ Flag ]ok.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]these are the ridiculous posts that are started by CNet people...so easy to spot. BTW, breastfeeding does make a difference in the long run!
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 06:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] on minipill and breastfeeding with 2-3 bottles a day. if i missed the pill last nite,... 6 replies
Talk : : November 10, 2009
on minipill and breastfeeding with 2-3 bottles a day. if i missed the pill last nite, but took this morning instead, am i unprotected now?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 11:45 AM [ Flag ]Yes. My doc told me it was only effective if I took at exactly the same time every day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]so how long am i unprotected for now? doesnt the nursing count for something?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not if it is not exclusive, the moment I gave my dd solids, guess what?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]are you expressing the milk for bottles? if it is formula, the mini pill isn't that effective according to my dr.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yes, you are unprotected. Ask my sister with kids 14 mos. apart!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Minipill is not like the regular pill and it's VERY easy to get pregnant on it. I got pregnant on it twice. You HAVE to take it at the same time - there is no leeway. Use a condom
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Breastfeeding during the recession - There is no free lunch, even for babies. 4 replies
- So depressing. I wish breastfeeding hadn't become a luxury for most women but it really kind of has...
Talk : : November 10, 2009
Breastfeeding during the recession - There is no free lunch, even for babies. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/in-a-recession-breastfeeding-moms-may-pay-a-price-2009-11-10
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag ]So depressing. I wish breastfeeding hadn't become a luxury for most women but it really kind of has...
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So sad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
it is ironic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] best breast pump to rent and best place to rent it? had a lot of issues breastfeedig... 18 replies
- have it up and running the day I get home from the hosipital. I also have flat nipples so not sure I can make this work initially without it really. Ugh, I'm dreading it all over again. I find the whole thought of going to breastfeeding support groups bogus. If it gets that bad I am not going to let it take over my life again. I will pump what I can for a couple of months and move on-...
Talk : : November 09, 2009
best breast pump to rent and best place to rent it? had a lot of issues breastfeedign with number one and want to get this all handled ahead of time and be prepared. Will not pump after I return to work so not interested in buying. Want the strongest possible- had not a lot of luck last time.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.09.09, 02:37 PM [ Flag ]i use medela pump in style. got it from a friend, but yummy mummy might rent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we rented a hospital grade one from realbirth.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you remember the make?
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it was a medela
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
on Medela's website there was a link to places you could rent pumps (or there was 5 years ago)
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]which is tyhe most industrial strength? If it was anything like last time I ened all teh help I can get. Plus I want to be able to do both at once effectively-
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: FYI, just because bf was hard with #1 doens't mean it wil be with #2. you want a hospital grade pump. but you may not need it. check the medela website for onfo about different models.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks for the positive thought. The stress over not being able to breastfeed is basically all I remember from the first month of my son's life. tears several times a day, frustration, feeling like a failure for months. I guess going into it with low expectations is my way of protecting myself- I don't want to end up in that awful place again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh, i hear you. i had a horrible time bfing #1 and that first month (or two) was all trying to feed, pumping, and LC visits (although thank goodness it worked out in the end). but #2 was, no lie, a total breeze. so yes, be prepared but have hope!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I bought the medela symphony (hospital grade) from a seller on ebay, and it was great. About 600-700, I don't remember. They were available to rent from hospitals in my area (not in nyc) for about 90/month.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you! I forgot what I rented last time but I didn't love it. Did it do both breasts at once well? If I have large breasts are there special cups for me? I think part of the problem last time was that the cups were too small-
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: for any medela pump you can buy larger cups.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, it does both at once. I also bought the larger cups from amazon when just starting out, I think they were like $15.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was a 36DD while nursing- thinking large will work- what size were you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Why not wait and see if you actually need it. Most moms do not need pumps for day-to-day nursing (excluding working, but you've already said you won't do that). Better is to line up support - eg good lactation consultant, LLL meeting, friends who have BTDT, support groups, etc. I went to a group, both times, for new moms at the hospital. Those nurses were extremely helpful. Once at Roosevelt, second time at Methodist (Brooklyn). Many hospitals have those groups. I went for about 6 weeks each time. Good luck OP.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't want to wait to see if I need it. had a difficult feeder and many supply issues last time. Also rememebr being so overwhelmed at that point that I can't imagine going out and renting one. For me it's worth paying the rental fees to have it up and running the day I get home from the hosipital. I also have flat nipples so not sure I can make this work initially without it really. Ugh, I'm dreading it all over again. I find the whole thought of going to breastfeeding support groups bogus. If it gets that bad I am not going to let it take over my life again. I will pump what I can for a couple of months and move on-
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
rent one from the hospital or upper breast side
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]there's also a place called preparation for parenthood on the upper east side that rents pumps-
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Motherhood, a study in contrasts: Name one thing that (in your opinion) you're doing ... 17 replies
Talk : : November 09, 2009
Motherhood, a study in contrasts: Name one thing that (in your opinion) you're doing really well with dc and another that (again, your own opinion, you don't think you're doing well). Me: extended breastfeeding for 2.3 dc (works for us, not for everyone), but I know that I let him watch too much TV.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.09.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag ]Good-4 yo doesnt watch t.v during the week. Bad- not enough floor time with 4yo
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good- despite beign a WOHM very hands on and involved in feeding, bathing, etc; bad- probably could be doing better on teh food front but clsoe to 9 months pregnant so cutting corners where I can-
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]5yo is polite and well mannered to the point of being complimented by strangers (good); I barely ever read to 1yo (bad)
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good - ds expresses his wants/needs. Asks for help when he needs it instead of breaking into tears. Bad - table manners....eesh!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good - dc is very sweet and says please, thank you, very helpful @ age 2, but bad - I am not creative enough with dinner making during the week, and she watches about 1 hr of tv/day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good: 2.5 yr old has never watched TV; knows all letter sounds, numbers to 50, colors, loves to read; Bad: kid eats maybe 10 different foods, I almost never make family meals.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OK, good points -- we read to dc every day and have found a good balance of firm without being authoritarian. Weaknesses -- TV, definitely. And he's a terrible sleeper (hates bedtime, wakes up frequently, doesn't get as much sleep as the textbooks say he should) though I'm not sure what else we could be doing to change this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good: Read to dc every day separately for 15 mins at least. Bad: way too much tv. Am single mom though, do I get a 'bye'?
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here, I'll give you one!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you! So sad that my 1 yr old LOVES Phineas and Ferb.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OK, Bad, I'm a yeller. Good - just about everything else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: me too. But really pissed at myself for not being in control. DO.NOT.WANT.TO.BE. YELLER MOM!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Good: taught my 23 month old all his #'s, letters and colors. Bad: Def too much tv
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good - I'm very affectionate and loving with dd and am doing a good job teaching her proper manners. Bad - I only read to her for 5 minutes everyday and I have the tv on almost all the time in the background (my shows).
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto on the good and bad
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm doing really well at making interesting food for my dd, but I loose my temper with her when she won't go back to sleep in the middle of the night. I always feel guilty in the morning.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good - teaches dd manners / Bad - also too much TV
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] What do you think of SAHM who have full time nannies? 120 replies
- needs to go to therapies and school 5 days a week the other is barely one year old and my dh travels extensively for work and usually has a 12 hour day when in the city. I am always with one or the other child, and, in fact still breastfeeding the baby. I had a pedicure in June and my last haircut was before #2 was born. There is nothing i love more than being their mom, I give all baths, drop/pick up from school and cook when I can, but I cannot do anything well...
Talk : : November 09, 2009
What do you think of SAHM who have full time nannies?
120 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.09.09, 08:11 AM [ Flag ]don't really get it but don't really care. p/t nanny, mother's helper, housekeeper i get, but live and let live is my motto.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Mmm, depends on how many kids they have. If they have, like, four dc's under the age of 10 I understand. If they have one or two dc's, then I sort of don't get it, unless there are medical issues or something at play.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just rich. They have a nanny for each child. Wife doesn't work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That falls under the category of "I don't get it". One nanny for each child, too? How much help do people need in navigating their daily lives?
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Then I don't understand why they want to be SAHMs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ita. I understand getting somebody to help with cleaning and housework, but I became a SAHM because I wanted to spend time with my kids and take care of them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not always true. sometimes you just have the money and can afford to have someone on call in case you need them. so you do spend time with your kids but also have the luxury to get sick, run errands withouth the kids etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you're Mrs. X, sure.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
They are SAHW (women) not SAHM
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think: I'm jealous!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]me too!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]third that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
jealous of never spending time with dcs? op said full-time (not part-time) nanny (not housekeeper, mother's helper).
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's not necessarily true. if i could afford it, would love to have someone around full time so i wouldnt have to stress about getting sick, having appointments etc. i could afford to have someone sit around and clean or do nothing, or babysit, depending on the day. sounds like heaven!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not me. I'd hate to have a stranger in my house, especially if there's nothing for her to do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 05:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if you could afford this, you would also have a huge place that would need lots of maintenance.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You can still spend time with DCs. It would be nice to have the help though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is ridiculous. I spend tons of time with my kids even though I have a nanny. We get to have one-on-one time with each of them, sibling does not have to get dragged to activities s/he have no interest in, and I get time in the evening to go to school events and such.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Me too! I would LOVE it. Spend time with the kids without having to do the dirty work. Wait, I think that's what they call a grandparent!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too. I would LOVE to have a full time live nanny. It would make my life SO much easier. I would still see my kid just as much, but if I needed an hour here or there I could get. I could go to Dr. appt. alone. I always imagined I would have a full time nanny it just didn't work out that way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 05:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i have never met one, but don't even waste my precious time to think of it theoretically.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe they could be SASOHM's. (Shop and Spa Out Of Home Mom's)
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know a few who have three or four young children. That makes sense to me. They need the help. The ones with one or two children I don't understand. Just rich I suppose.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have 3 DCs under 3yo and I could use a FT nanny. My marriage would probably be a lot better because I wouldn't be such a worn out bitch by the end of the day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I nannied a bit when I was younger. I interviewed once for a position where there were 3 DCs under 5. It was a SAHM who already had a fully time nanny. I couldn't figure what she needed a p/t nanny for! She seemed genuinely interested in her children, though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I grew up with a live in nanny and my mom never worked. The nanny did all the grudge work (bathing, feeding etc) but my mom was always around as Mom. Ideal to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]eh. i have happy memories of my mother bathing me (or just hanging out in the bathroom and chatting while i splashed around), eating with me. the grunt work didn't seem like it to me or i'm betting to her either.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you mean "drudge work" but I like "grudge work" too!! Maybe more accurate...
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]she must be'grudge' people who don't have to do the drudge work
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP here. I do wonder why she even had kids sometimes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Probably because she felt like she was supposed to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]but women have done this throughout the ages. why is it a problem now?
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]it is situation by situation. Though the two I know of: one is lazy (was a SAHW PRIOR to becoming pregnant), and the other is keeping up with the joneses-
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita, i think of 2 stereotypes at opposite extremes - first is overweight and lazy, second is anorexic and overexercised, lives at the gym or runs every day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ov erweight and lazy? Idiot
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]person who posted the two types I know- the one that is lazy IS overweight-
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, weight corellates pretty strongly with SES, and being an SAHM with help does as well. So realistically NY is not populated by lots of overweight SAHMs with help. Leaving aside your moralistic connection between size and work ethic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What does SES stand for??
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Socio-Economic Standard.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 05:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]socio-economic status
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
haha!! I'm skinny because I don't a moment to eat during the day! sahm with part time nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
this is the demi moore/jackie kennedy school of parenting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Depends totally on the mother. I don't judge them as a group.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]They cannot be judged as a group, because you never know what is happening behind the scenes. My cousin is married to a woman who is bipolar, with a history of going off her meds - she has been in and out of hospitals for years and cannot hold down a job. They have two school aged DCs and he works extremely hard to make sure that they have what they need, including medical coverage for his DW (her most serious break came just after the birth of their second DC). When she is on her meds, an outsider would have a very hard time knowing she has a mental illness, but because she is incapable of staying on her meds, he needs to have a FT nanny to make sure his DCs are safe and cared for. You never know what's going on behind closed doors.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]lucky ducks. hopefully, they have enough in the bank for generations, not just for this and next generations though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Its their business, really. I would love it. Personally, I can deal with my DC a little bit at a time, and then I need some space. I am a WOHM and if I was a SAHM, I would definitely like some help, when I am home, I can't even go to the bathroom, eat dinner or hop on the computer without my DD hanging all over me. In the little pretend world that exists in my head, I always saw myself growing up to be a Jackie Kennedy kind of mom.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol, you are me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Amazing when I read this I think, poor DD just wants your attention, but when my own DD is hanging all over ME, I feel the same as you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]but when dcs are in school it's ridiculous to have a f/t nanny if you're a sahm. yeah, they can clean out the sock drawer every two days, but do you really need that much space???
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Count me among the jealous. That said, I wouldn't want someone hanging around my house FULL TIME if I was a SAHM. But 20 - 25 hours a week, hell the hell yeah.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My nanny hardly ever works more than 25 hours a week, but I pay full time salary to have flexibility to get the hours I want (including weekend sometimes). it works.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I know lots of SAHMs with full time nannies, some of them two full time nannies. I think it's great, they are always up for having my kids over and willing to take them places. Power to them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nannies take them places or the mom.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Honestly, they don't count as SAHMs in my opinion. Maybe "special guest appearance moms".
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL. ITA.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think that makes you feel better.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I really don't think about them that often. To each his own. But I am far more impressed with sahms who do everything themselves.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think anything about them. I've seen some great moms that have full time nannies and some lousy moms with no nannies. doesn't have anything to do with what kind of parent you are.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, yes but it's easier to be a "good" mom when you have so much help - when you lose patience with dcs, hand them over to nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: that's not my definition of a "good mom." part of good parenting is being a good parent after you lose patience, not just getting away
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
depends on the situation. if you have more than one child, a nanny allows you to spend time with each child, not wake a kid from a nap to pick another one up from school. if you have one child, you get a lot of freedom to come and go. also a full time nanny isn't a live in nanny, so you're still putting the kid to bed every night. i can think of lots of scenarios where it makes sense. it's never been my choice. who knows maybe i would have been happier with a full time nanny. my best friend has a full time nanny and it totally works for her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Here's what I think. If you only have 1 dc and you SAH and you have a normal sized apartment and a dh who is around (not working 100 hr weeks or travelling all the time or an on call MD, etc.) then having FT help (40+ hours) seems like a lot. But if it's a FT housekeeper/nanny, I can see where it makes sense. Once you have more than 1 dc, I think that having a 2nd person, makes life so much easier. Not having to drag a baby out in the winter when the older dc has school or a class or a playdate. Allowing baby to nap at home in bed. It can make a huge difference.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I feel like if you're going to be a SAHM, then you should SAH and be a mom. Not a mom who can get someone to watch the kids while you do whatever. Having kids and juggling is part of being a mom, IMHO. Otherwise, get a job. -
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Its nice to live in a world where we all have choices and there are many ways to live. Come join ours!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]To freeload without even raising your kids? No, thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So, no woman could have her own money, she must be freeloading?
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i don't get it--i don't care if you do or don't--but i was home sick on friday with my nanny and it was just weird--i couldn't get comfortable having her do stuff when i was home--i wound up getting in the way and just feeling awkward-i don't think i would chose to live that way
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think that when you are a WOHM you do not have a home routine and that's what makes it so awkward.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't understand why UB thinks they're okay but not WOHMs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]my parents come from a country where the husband's parents move in with the couple or nearby after marriage. so during the day, the child may be with his grandparents or parents. I don't see how this is any different from having a full-time nanny and the mom definitely does raise the child...but she just has more latitude to visit parents, cook dinner, do groceries, etc. without disturbance.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I knew a woman who had two blood children and four adopted she has a nanny follow her everywhere. With that many kids it makes seance.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]6 kids is extenuating circumstances!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
All those SAHMs with full time nannies I know are not the motherly type and they wouldn't last long taking care of their own kids. They are actually better off having full time nannies b/c they would not make good full time moms- I'm talking about the ones I know. And I think the moms know that too and that is why they have help. Some I know spend more time on charities for kids they don't know instead of spending time with their blood related kids! To each her own!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. The ones I know in this circumstance do not seem like they enjoy being a mother and in a way, the kids probably get better care with their nannies. Its a little grating to hear them complaining about raising children. And they still expend incredible energy getting them into the right schools though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 01:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the irony of it all is that almost all the sahms with ft nannies have 3 kids. why bother having so many if you don't want to raise them all or if you only want them raised by nannies?
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]actually most I knwo ahve two kids, though these same moms had the ft nanneis with 1 kid-
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. Seriously -- I'd like to point out that some women with 3+ dc's do manage without nannies. I grew up in an old-school Irish-Italian neighborhood and there were plenty of women with four or five kids who raised them without professional help. Not bashing SAHM's with nannies as I have a good friend who is in this situation, but people who act like they NEED a nanny once they have more than two dc's have lost some perspective, I think.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Neighborhood with friends and family to lend a hand, right? Life is not like that now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
lol. you are a joke.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Although this point has already been made -- I think one needs to make the distinction between those sahm's who have a f/t nanny and then spend the day at the spa, and those sahm's who use their nanny to create the kind of flexibility in their lives that we all envy (like when ds is taking a nap, mom can run to the store, nanny can stay home in case ds wakes up) etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yup. For example, I have a friend with two dc's, one of whom is special-needs and has a ton of PT, OT, etc. appointments. Nanny allows her to take the dc to all these appointments without db, and also spend individual time with both dc's.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]people here don't get it. they are either self righteous or jealous or whatever. they don't get that its not a competition to see who can be the biggest martyr and that having a nanny doesn't necessarily mean you are outsourcing everything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I get that. But do you REALLY need someone full time for that? I guess if you can afford it....
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm this mother and shocked by the vitriol. I am have 2 dc and am nearly always with 1. (No, I'm not at a spa or getting my nails done when I'm not with them. I'm at the grocery store or doing errands.) It's a convenience that allows me to take one kid to a playdate on one side of town while the other kid goes to another friend's or a class or the park. We can easily afford it and it's been great for everyone involved. We've had our nanny for years and she'll retire on this job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: This is exactly the situation that I think makes sense. It's like you're a SAHM with one child, no nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes! And I am often SAHM with 2 with me, but nanny does laundry or makes dinner so I can do baths or put out next day's clothes or whatever. It's a convenience/flexibility arrangement that works for us. I am able to give the kids undivided attention when they need it, which is great.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am a sahm with a nanny for 40 hrs a week. I gave 2 children, one needs to go to therapies and school 5 days a week the other is barely one year old and my dh travels extensively for work and usually has a 12 hour day when in the city. I am always with one or the other child, and, in fact still breastfeeding the baby. I had a pedicure in June and my last haircut was before #2 was born. There is nothing i love more than being their mom, I give all baths, drop/pick up from school and cook when I can, but I cannot do anything well without the help of this woman, it is not a luxury it is a neccessity for me and for children's quality of life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not flaming at all. but you are very lucky to be in a situation where you can afford such a necessity.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I realize you are saying that it is not a flame, but it doesn't exactly feel like a complement. I have two points to make: 1) I am almost 40 yrs old and worked everyday up until my 1st child was born, I earned my own money and saved a lot of it, bought am apt, help dh pay for and get through grad school and did not have any help until dc 1 was almost 2, that consisted of 8 hrs a week of babysitting over 2 days, full time help was a neccessity for me when #2 was born and I'm the same year #1 strayed preschool and diagnosed with a disabilities all while Dh took in a new job that requires constant travel.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]2) I live in NYC, two hours away from my closest relative with no other support system. I don't think I would say I am lucky to be able to afford this, I would say I am smart enough to know that I cannot handle the demands of a high needs child and a baby alone and do anything well. I am also no martyr, I don't need a medal for this being hard, it's hard for me with help, but my children get two adults who are engaged with them, individual attention for great parts of the day and the benefit of a mother who doesn't feel completely alone and overwhelmed.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You need to look up the definition of "necessity."
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i was one when my dcs were not in preschool. once they are in school a housekeeper is better!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I used to feel sorry for my friends with SAHM moms and full time nannies. Also I thought parents who took vacations without their kids were the worst. Honestly, now I have a lot more sympathy for their moms! We have taken a few vacations without our son, and if I were a SAHM I wouldn't feel TOO bad about having a full time nanny, if it gave me time to volunteer or work on my novel or whatever.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I realize you are saying that it is not a flame, but it doesn't exactly feel like a complement. I have two points to make: 1) I am almost 40 yrs old and worked everyday up until my 1st child was born, I earned my own money and saved a lot of it, bought am apt, help dh pay for and get through grad school and did not have any help until dc 1 was almost 2, that consisted of 8 hrs a week of babysitting over 2 days, full time help was a neccessity for me when #2 was born and I'm the same year #1 strayed preschool and diagnosed with a disabilities all while Dh took in a new job that requires constant travel. 2) I live in NYC, two hours away from my closest relative with no other support system. I don't think I would say I am lucky to be able to afford it, I would say, I worked hard to stay home with my kids and I am smart enough to know that o would suck at trying stretch myself to be everything to both of th right now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^^^Meant for above
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think they are VERY LUCKY!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Here's what I would LOVE: a full time house keeper who cooked, cleaned and ran errands and was an extra set of hands for helping with the kids when necessary. Ahhhh, a girl can dream!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, I have a friend like that. Full-time live-in housekeeper plus a nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OOH I wish I had that too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 05:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's me. nothing wrong with that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you want an Alice!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1 full time nanny for 3 kids is a godsend!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 04:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]amen.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'd think they are the go-to gals for the best place to get manis/pedis.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol! I am a sahm with a nanny and haven't had a hair cut since march, or manicure or pedicure since august (one a year). i color my own hair on the weekends when dh can watch the kids for 45 mins. I have a great life, but can't see the gyn on my own! I love your sense of humor though! made my day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am a SAHM with a 1yr. old and 3 yr. old. We hired a nanny when my 2nd DC was about 3 months because it became clear that their very different nap schedules were in conflict and someone was always getting shortchanged. Either the older one had to stay home because the baby needed to nap or the baby had a terrible nap (hated to sleep in stroller and still fights it to this day) when I took them both out. Now that we have a nanny, both DCs get more of my attention since I am the one who takes them out to everything and the little one can nap and eat when he needs to without being dragged out for preschool drop-off, pick-up, gymnastics, playdate, etc. Likewise the older one is free to do more of those things. Because I always have one or both of the kids, the nanny also helps with housework and making lunch, which again, frees me up to give them more attention. I am fortunate in that I can SAH and have a FT nanny but once both DCs are in school, I can't imagine still having one unless I start WAH again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh my, how does anyone handle 2 kids that nap differently without a full time nanny? Thjink of the moms all over the country suffering-
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you don't have to justify. it's hysterical that anyone thinks she could judge another mother. jealous.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
More power to them, if they've got the money. They still get to spend a lot of quality time with dc yet also get time for themselves - probably the best of both worlds, like I say, if they can afford it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you are so right. it is the best of both worlds, but yet, there is still no time for oneself! I have three dc's and almost full time help. I have 2 hrs a week when i am not with at least 2 of the kids. it's not too bad this way though. full time would let me be more flexible making dr's appts, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
sadly, if they have only one kid i am very judgmental. especially if the child is in school at all. i won't begrudge anyone soem help and i understand it if you have 2 or more young kids, but more than that and it almost always becomes a crutch and the mom doesn't spend a lot fo time parenting. Obviouisly soem familes have health or oterh issues that change this
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think they rock! I have 3 dc's and sahm and I have almost full time help. I am thinking of hiring someone full time. I don't think it's anyone's business to be honest.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I want to be her. It'd be great. But honestly, I don't get it if the mom only has 1 kid. Or even 2 kds. But 3 kids and up, I totally get it if they can afford it. All the schlepping around and school obligations, playdates, lessons, etc. I don't see how they'd do it otherwise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have 3 but I would have gotten one for two. it's wonderful to not worry that your oldest has nothing to do while you're nursing, changing a new baby all day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'd rather sah & have a fulltime housekeeper/cook. She would pick of childcare slack when I needed it & I would still cook sometimes (I enjoy it but don't have much time) but I would never clean!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't. So long as someone is not being abusive or neglectful towards their children, they can do what they please without judgment from me. For myself, I don't like having someone in the house all the time, not even my DH.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That not only are they not generating to the household funds, but they're actually costing money.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I find the responses to these types of posts interesting. Because obviously you're going to get the responses from moms with nine kids or SN kids or have disabilities. No one with one DC and do in fact go shopping is going to post here. It's like asking WOHMs what do they do for a living. I work at a nonprofit and I respond every time!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] breastfeeding moms: is it normal that one side makes like 3x's as much milk as the o... 6 replies
Talk : : November 08, 2009
breastfeeding moms: is it normal that one side makes like 3x's as much milk as the other all the time. second baby - happened last time too....
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.08.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag ]yeah
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto, happened for both of my babies too
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it can be. heard of this happening with a couple of my friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]can be, just keep really focused on trying to up the production of the slow side.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 05:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]my left side produces twice as much as my right. i'm trying to pump to increase but not much yet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes! Start your feedings on the smaller side to try to even them out. This is totally normal. Call Maria at the Post Partum Place in Chatham, NJ if you have questions - she is AMAZING!!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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