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[+] I did the post asking what you are most proud of, thinking of a big accomplishment th... 12 replies
- used my boyfriends amex to pay for my ivf :0 presto twins...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
I did the post asking what you are most proud of, thinking of a big accomplishment that you worked hard to achieve. Now the opposite question: what single thing did you do as an adult/parent that you most regret or are most ashamed of? Some one thing you could go back and get a "redo" on if it were possible?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 06:48 PM [ Flag ]used my boyfriends amex to pay for my ivf :0 presto twins
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cool. I would have put that in the accomplishments post, not the regrets/do-overs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what would you have done differently?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Losing my temper with my kids. On a couple of occasions, I really blew it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Said really hurtful things to my dh early on in our marriage that still affect us today. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut about past relationships. I think he still resents things I've said.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow - what did you say???
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
trying to "ferberize" dc
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ferberizing dc was one of the best things we did
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Accidentally tipping db out of stroller. I still hear that thunk noise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Keeping a babysitter I knew was subpar longer than I should have. She subsequently lost my dc at the park. Luckily my dc made it home alone, safe, but it was so awful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm not a parent, but the two bad things i did were ruin my gpa by working too much. i didn't save any money like i should have, and it was not worth the drop in GPA. with my 2.7, I am having a really hard time applying to any grad school, even conditionally. I have a 1400 GRE score but everyone looks at my GPA. I'm unemployed, and I can't even get a job as a grocery store bagger...sometimes I wish I chose a more 'vocational' field. I don't really care about being 'well rounded' when I don't have money to pursue any interests at all
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Is Clomid 50mg usually the first thing doctors give you after you try for a few month... 8 replies
- iui). If that doesn't work, given your age, I would go straight to IVF and not waste time. Good luck....
- then RE tried us on 3 rounds of 100mg Clomid/IUI without success. First IVF cycle = 1 DC, 2nd IVF cycle = 2 DCs. I would agree with previous posters that I wouldn't...round, and then lots of others for whom Clomid was the "gateway drug" to IUI, IVF, etc. So you never know....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Is Clomid 50mg usually the first thing doctors give you after you try for a few months? I am 39 and have been trying only for 2 months but doc said to try Clomid this cycle, given my age. WWYD?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 05:52 AM [ Flag ]After having taken Clomid for six cycles I read that more and more literature suggestst that Clomid fixes certain things -- e.g., if you are not ovulating or if have pcos -- but doesn't do much for unexplained infertility. Yet it has become standard 'first line of defense'. If I was you (and I was) I would waste no time, find out what the underlying problem is (if you can) and use the most direct means to address it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]it's only been 2 months - what problem?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Agreeing with the post above, though I'm not BTDT, it seems that more and more ob/gyns are leaping to try it before doing a real assessment of the fertility issues. Via friends who have gone that route, I'd encourage you to really read up on it because while it can fix certain specific problems it can also create other obstacles (lessen cervical fluid, etc.). I'm almost 39, so I know the sense of urgency, but two months of trying also really isn't that long. Are you doing all the "cycle tracking" you can (temp, OPKs, cervical fluid, etc.)?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hope you are seeing a fertility doctor and not a regular ob/gyn. If you are seeing a RE (fertility) clomid and IUI would be the first step. If that doesn't work, they could introduce injectables to help you produce more eggs (with iui). If that doesn't work, given your age, I would go straight to IVF and not waste time. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: I have an appointment with an RE for next month but obgyn prescrbied Clomid and I am wondering I should use it this cycle while I am waiting to see RE. Thanks for all your responses.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I used Clomid 50mg only 1 time and became pregnant with my son. My OB suggested we try 3 cycles before being referred to fertility doctor. I also highly recommend using ovalation kit. Good luck
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]BTDT - also 39 when we started trying, after 6 mos, OB then RE tried us on 3 rounds of 100mg Clomid/IUI without success. First IVF cycle = 1 DC, 2nd IVF cycle = 2 DCs. I would agree with previous posters that I wouldn't waste a lot of time on Clomid, particularily if your infertility is unexplained but after only 2 mos, you probably don't even know if an issue exists. Glad you are going to an RE for a full work-up so you'll know how best to proceed. In the meantime tho, I don't see the harm in doing Clomid. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]After having unexplained infertility for FOUR years, I determined on my own that I had a short luteal phase. I had no idea Clomid would be helpful for this (because I was ovulating each month like clockwork), but after doing my own research on medical websites, I discovered that Clomid was known to help with this. I went to my OB, took 1 round of Clomid, and got pregnant. I have another friend who got pregnant after her second round, and then lots of others for whom Clomid was the "gateway drug" to IUI, IVF, etc. So you never know.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i am having my first miscarriage. i am going in for a d&c next monday. this pregnan... 20 replies
- she doesnt know that i am goingthrough ivf now either (i just returned from maternity leave earlier this...missing - preschool application process, doc appts for 15yo DS, ivf monitoring...
- a miscarriage than say "it's a procedure related to IVF" and most people will be very understanding. Unless you think...I would tell her because you have will likely try IVF again (right?) and it will just be easier to...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
i am having my first miscarriage. i am going in for a d&c next monday. this pregnancy was the result of ivf (my second cycle) so i have missed a good amount of work for my egg retrieval, transfer adn all the monitoring. my boss hasnt asked any questions and has been totally accomodating. i havent told her what is going on, but thinking that maybe i should just to not seem like i am taking advantage... thougths?
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 07:10 PM [ Flag ]Have you told her you need Monday off? I assume she knows your pregnant right?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]doesnt know i am pregnant - i was only 7 weeks. i havent told her that i need monday off yet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Also I am so sorry :(
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would tell her that you need Monday off b/c you have a doctor's appointment. It's direct but if she asks why you need the whole day off you might have to tell her. Maybe you could also send her an e-mail and tell her that way, if it would be to emotional for you to do it in person. Tell her also that you appreciate how accommodating she has been through all of this before you tell her that you need the day off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry! It is a bit awkward. I would just say it is a procedure related to IVF. Offer to work some time this weekend to make up for missed time. I would rather that than feel that boss is too intimate with my life. It makes them think less of you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she doesnt know that i am goingthrough ivf now either (i just returned from maternity leave earlier this year too)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Could you just call in with suspected flu? Naughty, but the perfect excuse at the moment.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thats probably what i am going to do. i just feel badly about all the work i am missing - preschool application process, doc appts for 15yo DS, ivf monitoring.... it just feels like i am taking advantage...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i meant 15 mos
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe offer to do a couple of hours extra here and there, or finish up something at the weekends? Boss will appreciate acknowledgement of their flexibility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would even take Monday and Tuesday, get doctor to write a note saying you should not return to work until wednesday..rest up, and get ready for another round. I have started arranging doctors visits at weekends, and some pks do weekend visits too...it is a fulltime job doing the pk thing, as well as working, and not feeling well. Look after yourself..GL
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: I agree with this. No need to go into details. With the flu's going around she will probably not be hesitate to give you the day off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It depends on your relationship with your boss. I told mine when I had a miscarriage since I had to miss work. We weren't close, but his wife had had a few mcs and he was extremely understanding. I think it's better to explain that you are having a miscarriage than say "it's a procedure related to IVF" and most people will be very understanding. Unless you think your boss will have an issue with you becoming pregnant, I think telling her the truth is best in this case.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^oops, just read that you just returned from maternity leave, so maybe you don't want to tell her. Nevermind this post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So sorry. You could say you have a gyn/female issue. Enough said! I don't think a boss would pry further than that. You don't have to mention mc, d&c, or preg.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How would your boss react if she knew that you are trying to get pregnant? Is your office environment supportive of pregnant women and moms? If so, I think I would tell her because you have will likely try IVF again (right?) and it will just be easier to have it out there. But only you can know what is best for your situation. Sorry about the mc. My heart goes out to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh. I just read the whole thread. If you just returned from Maternity Leave I think I would just not offer any explanation. She might think that it is doc appts for your son. That is fine and possibly preferable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Keep it to yourself. If you tell her she may unknowingly start absorbing - and resenting- the time you are out. Assuming you are going to eventually try again, better to not bring attention to that fact.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Tell your boss you need a minor surgical procedure on Monday. Take Tuesday off also. This is (hopefully) only going to happen once. She'll get over it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have BTDT. At a certain point I felt like I had to tell my boss because I felt like you did. It was okay.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am 8 and a half weeks thanks to IVF. Now my new thing to worry about is the nuchal ... 3 replies
- I did IVF in Dec. Had 25 viable embryos and they transferred one back, "the best of the best". It took...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
I am 8 and a half weeks thanks to IVF. Now my new thing to worry about is the nuchal screening in 2 weeks. I am 38 and terrified. I was under the impression that they "hand pick' the best looking embryos to implant and the chances of Downs. etc. are diminished. We didn't do PGD and now I regret it. I am learning that IVF doesn't make any difference since they can't tell by looking at it- Great.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 03:04 PM [ Flag ]I did IVF in Dec. Had 25 viable embryos and they transferred one back, "the best of the best". It took...and then I terminated in March due to a Downs diagnosis. I was in utter shock! How could the best of the best have Downs? Well...something must have made it stand out. Transferred two frozen embryos in July and am now 23-weeks pregnant with a little boy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Don't worry until (and even if) you have something to worry about. Worrying now is just going to drive you crazy. Try to just enjoy it instead of stressing out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's true, without PGD there is no better or worse chance but just enjoy this time, right now. I was a five time IVFer and I worried my entire pregnancy. If I could do it all again, I wish I had enjoyed it more and worried less. BTW, I was 37 when it finally worked for us. So, congrats and enjoy being preggers mommy!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I have rheumatoid arthritis. Do I need a high risk OB? Any suggestions for specialist... 11 replies
- oil, stopped NSAIDs and plaquenil and sulfaslazine. My rheum said the Kineret left my system so quickly that he said I coudl take up until a positive home pregnancy test. SO I always tested super early. Ended up needing IVF, so I actually stopepd the Kineret two days before egg retrieval....
Talk : : November 19, 2009
I have rheumatoid arthritis. Do I need a high risk OB? Any suggestions for specialists in autoimmune disorders and pregnancy.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 09:07 AM [ Flag ]What does your rheumatologist think?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He doesn't think it's a foregone conclusion. My regular OB/GYN gave me a referral for an MFM specialist, though she's at Beth Israel and a friend had a really bad experience there. I'm looking elsewhere, and wondering if anyone out there has a subspecialty in autoimmune diseases. Anyone else out there w/ RA...what did you do?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have RA- had two pregnancies- luckily in both I was great with no meds but fish oil. Went to high risk after reading study that suggested RA patients had higher rates of preeclampsia (though not that much higher) and pretty significantly higher rates of IUGR. Had more monitoring at the end because of the increased IUGR risk and also was not allowed, by my high risk doctor, to go more than 41 weeks because she said there was risk of placenta detrioration beyond the normal amount when you go past the due date. My rheum said high risk wasn't necessary, but another rheum I saw during pregnancy (that had privileges at the hospital I was delivering at) thought it was a wise move. Lupus pg's are obviously more high risk and I think anyone with lupus would see a MFM, so you might find a doctor who sees moer lupus patients but I don't think that it's all that relevant to RA in pregnancy. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's great you were in remission. I'm new here - what's IUGR? Are you in NYC? If so, do you recommend your high risk OB? Also, were you on any TNF meds prior to conception? How before trying did you go off? This is one thing that I can't seem to find anything resembling consensus on...For MTX it's 3 months, but that is a LONG time to go w/o anything...Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 02:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR here- I was on Kineret, a biological but not a TNF inhibitor. I dropepd to only Kineret and fish oil, stopped NSAIDs and plaquenil and sulfaslazine. My rheum said the Kineret left my system so quickly that he said I coudl take up until a positive home pregnancy test. SO I always tested super early. Ended up needing IVF, so I actually stopepd the Kineret two days before egg retrieval.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]With pg number 2, got pregnant naturally first month trying, tested super early and got the faintest positive about 9-10 days after ovulation, and stopped kineret then. My RE, OB, and Rheum never had a probalem with just staying on Kineret and stopping it super early in the pregnancy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]on my second pg, it happened naturally, I was on Kineret while trying and stopped it at 9-10 DPO when I got the faintest positive on a pg test. RE< OB< and rheum never had issues with me being on Kineret while trying.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^oops, reposted info because I thought the first one didn't post-
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
As for IUGR - google it-
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have RA, and intentionally went off Remacaid to get pregnant. Tried a # of times earlier, but couldn't last off meds for 3 mos. Over 40, severe RA, did not need a high risk OB (even though I hit that category in 2 areas; age and disease). Textbook pregnancy, pain free for 9 months, and back needing meds nearly a week after I gave birth. She's beautiful, smart and worth every bit!!! GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good to hear. Not the part about not being able to go w/o meds...but the remission part, and the beautiful baby part.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My eldest is in high school now. I just want you to know that most of the stuff you a... 27 replies
- You can say this about ANYTHING though. I conceived through IVF but it would be sort of insensitive for me to go onto a message board for people struggling with infertility and IVF and say, "I have 6 year old twins now. I just want you to know...are in HS, just as it doesn't matter how many eggs were retrieved during my IVF cycle now that 2 of those eggs are in 1st grade...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
My eldest is in high school now. I just want you to know that most of the stuff you are freaking out about doesn't matter.
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag ]What does matter? Any tips on what not to do, or what to do, that really end up mattering?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I"m not out of the woods yet - but the things I'm happy we did - firm but reasonable boundaries, honor what interests your child, not what is cool or is a resume builder, nurture their friendships and their self esteem. Try not to control everything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Those all sounds very wise. I'm assuming all that helped produce a happy, well-balanced teen?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so far so good!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's great. Those a very good principles to parent by.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
can you elaborate on what you mean? I'm truly curious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe not to you. I suppose you have "more important" things to freak about.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we started at a prestigious school that you'd all love to get into. Moved away and now in the suburbs, but still very close with friends in NYC. The smart kids are doing fine, but some are not as academic as their parents wish. Being organized and being motivated are much more important than being "gifted". And they become real people! with their own interests so even the best laid plans ..... Just try to keep some perspective. They will all get into a good college. Maybe not Harvard. Maybe yoru kid would hate Harvard anyway!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NYC does have a significant population to whom education is fundamentally important. Not that the same isn't true of people in the suburbs, but we're very condensed here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]btw, my 2 kids attended academically *prestigious elementaries, took an active role in HS choices and were very clear about the colleges they wanted to attend.They have their own interests and personalities; education is among those.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Aren't you the lucky ducky who managed to produce such perfect dcs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
LOL, I'm in an affluent NYC suburb. I can assure you that education is just as important here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Excuse me,if my allowance of your presence in my post wasn't sufficient to allay your indignation.To poster above yours: Yes, I am a lucky person. I'd be lucky no matter what our kids' interests were. Perfect isn't how I describe people.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You sound like you "managed" your kids' education and direction to get to these circumstances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can be sure that we made the choices for early ed and guided them through their choices later. That is our job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
sounds good. I'm not Harvard crazed so this speaks to me. I went to a very small college and it was great. It amazes me that everyone here wants small class size for ongoing, but so HYP obsessed where their DCs will be in these huge classes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I always think that that is so funny! Just doesn't make sense to me. Also people who insist on single sex education for their K-12 daughters but would never send them to one of the single sex colleges.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the hypocrisy I love is when people are OBSESSED with TT schools leading of course to HYP, but then they flame the guys on wall street. um, did you expect your kid to choose to be a teacher after all the top education?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know many who graduated from Ivies and became teachers, just guessed they have a higher calling or are just plain not obsessed with money.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have a number of friends who attended Harvard. Not one of them hated it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]but you must admit it's not right for everyone. FWIW I know someone who liked it but who would state the negatives too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm not sure what you're trying to say. I have trouble believing that if we get shut out of privates and public G&T and have to go to our terrible zoned gen ed it wouldn't matter. Your experience is tt private vs suburbia. These aren't my options.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well of course it is. FIrst there are many privates, not just TT. and there are good zoned publics in NYC and of course there are the burbs. Many of those options are available to you if you are flexible and well adjusted.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]good zoned publics are available if you are willing to move to the zone and if you get lucky and aren't capped out. I suppose moving is what you mean by flexible. Not sure what you mean by "well adjusted". And there aren't enough private spots even at the worst privates for everyone who applies.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Me too, I have a HS teen who scored 99+ and attends TT school in NYC. You are so right in that they define who they are and what their interests are not you. It is so frustrating that they ignore their "given talents" to pursue their "interest", but they have to live their own lives and not your dreams.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can say this about ANYTHING though. I conceived through IVF but it would be sort of insensitive for me to go onto a message board for people struggling with infertility and IVF and say, "I have 6 year old twins now. I just want you to know... blah, blah, blah". See what I'm saying? We all KNOW that ERB scores won't matter a hoot once our kids are in HS, just as it doesn't matter how many eggs were retrieved during my IVF cycle now that 2 of those eggs are in 1st grade... but we all live in the moment when it comes to parenting and our kids. Everyone is just trying to do their best. Nice for YOU that you're past all that, congrats?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Difference is that TTC is quite uncertain; you must go through certain steps to have a chance at success. But OP's point is that DCs grow up and get educated regardless of the details we're sweating.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I was asked in an interview if I was planning on having more children, to which I rep... 22 replies
- At a certain ss UES school we were asked about dc's birth - was it a IVF or full term? Thought it was so weird....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
I was asked in an interview if I was planning on having more children, to which I replied the truth, that we tried but it didn't work out. I found the question intrusive and irrelevant. Thoughts?
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 12:04 PM [ Flag ]agree -- intrusive and irrelevant.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think it is even illegal. Look into it......I know certain questions about your family status are illegal......
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]for a JOB interview, not a school interview!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
its illegal to ask, actually.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no - technically it is not aln illegal question but the problem its that there is never really a good business reason to ask and creates the implication that you are asking for an illegal reason. what is your favorite color is also an irrelevant question but does not create implications.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you're wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i know i am not - it is illegal to discriminate on basis of gender - most employers ban this type of question as a practivcal matter since if something goes wrong there is not way to defend why you asked the question - but the question in itself is not illegal - maybe a little nosey - but not illegal
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Many years ago my friend was asked about her pregnancy. I agree, these are not appropriate questions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Illegal! Though if you want the job I understand your not calling them out on it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is posted on Schools, she means a SCHOOL interview.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OMG. I thought asking about pg and how the birth was was bad but now they ask about the future kids, too?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: This was a SCHOOL interview at tt school, asked by HOA
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]They asked because of sibling policies. Trying to gague if they are going to have problems down the road with few openings because there are so many siblings.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: Sounds like no one knows for sure so far. If anyone has any actually professional knowledge about this, please identify yourself. I'm very curious. This kind of question seems so wrong to me!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: even if it were illegal, what would I have said? What COULD I have said? I mean, we don't want to screw ourselves w/that school? I suppose way after the fact, if we are admitted or not, I could write a note saying the question made me feel bad (which it did) and was obtrusive, but I'm not sure what good that would do
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Of course it is not illegal, this is not a job interview! It is an odd question for a school interview however.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
At a certain ss UES school we were asked about dc's birth - was it a IVF or full term? Thought it was so weird.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NBS?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So funny - no - it was a boys school. But I have interviewed at NBS and found the interviewer there very nice although they did ask about our bedtime routine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't see the problem. You may be sensitive because you've had difficulty (as have I) but they're wondering about your views on family and also about sibling classes in the future. If knowing what you do with dc on the weekends is relevant to figuring out what kind of family you are then knowing whether you want to have 1 child or more is relevant too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA -- seems like a reasonable question from the school's point of view. I'm guessing OP wouldn't have had a problem with it if her experience TTC #2 had been different.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
not sure why you gave a perfect stranger so much information.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Why do people feel like they can ask me when I'm planning on having another baby (whi... 18 replies
- I had a lot of problems getting and staying pg. I think that is why I am extra interested about others. I do not remember being so curious before I struggled myself. I get asked questions all the time like whether I had IVF (I have twins) and I really do not mind because I know people are genuinely curious especially if they or someone close to them has struggled with infertility....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Why do people feel like they can ask me when I'm planning on having another baby (which I am not)? WTF is wrong with them. How about minding your own business. Vent over.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag ]yeah, I get asked that about #3 all the time. truth is, I don't know the answer and I feel really uncomfortable discussing it. but whatever. in the grand scheme of things it's low on my list of annoyances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh Lord, you mean it doesn't stop after dc #2? What is wrong with people? Lol...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My dd is 2.4 and I am unsure about another however, b/c I only have once child I get asked that all the time. I don't know when it became common to pop out 2-4 kids in a row with only a year or two difference between the ages. I can barely handle dd. Don't know how I would handle 4 kids all under the age of 8 - thanks but no thanks. I've got enough time to have more if I want but I don't want them all at one time. I just tell everyone that one is enough but dh is bugging for #2 b/c he didn't like being an only child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ one child
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So some of us like to chat about something. So shoot us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree - what the hell are they thinking - don't they know some of us CANNOT have another one. People are so clueless and insensitive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i can't have another and people ask me all the time. it gets frustrating, like the years that people asked why i didn't have a child when i had medical problems that were preventing it. but sometimes people ask by habit or by honest curiosity about you. either way, i don't find the questions meanspirited or nosy in any way. but i do wish when i give the answer, that i can't because of my age or medical issues, people would regard this as an opening for a debate. they should just leave it at that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR here who likes to ask. I had a lot of problems getting and staying pg. I think that is why I am extra interested about others. I do not remember being so curious before I struggled myself. I get asked questions all the time like whether I had IVF (I have twins) and I really do not mind because I know people are genuinely curious especially if they or someone close to them has struggled with infertility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry, but you are really off. I think some people who struggle are like you and want to talk about it, but a lot of people who struggle do not want to be asked this question. I myself HATE being asked this question. It's no more intrusive than Why do I work instead of staying at home? How often do I have sex with my husband? How many months did it take us to conceive? All -- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Then you should understand that people struggle with their infertility in different ways. I had repeated miscarriages and only two friends know about it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That is fine. There is no need to tell anyone that you had miscarriages unless you want to. But why should the topic of how many children you want be off limits? I mean come on, there are only so many things to discuss and nearly every one of them can be taboo... politics, religion, SAHM vs WOHM, where you live, what you do... can be sore spots for some and not others. If you are not comfortable with the subject, change it. But don't take offense if someone asks you if you plan to have another child!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]To me it's deeply personal and nobody else's business. To me OP isn't offended but just frustrated that a sore topic keeps getting bought up. You don't seem sensitive to that, fine, glad we're not friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]In no way am not sensitive to her feelings! I relate to them. I had many miscarriages and was deathly afraid that I would never have a child. It pained me at work when coworkers would mingle and chat nonchalantly about when to have number two. All I am saying is that it is a completely normal topic and should not be considered off limits and that perhaps you could look at the whole topic in a different light.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]But thanks for being so nice and saying you are glad we are not friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Because I struggled with secondary infertility, I would NEVER ask anyone this question. I now realize exactly how intrusive it actually is. Before that, though, I was unaware. I tell my DH that he shouldn't ask it either, but he doesn't agree, doesn't see what the big deal is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I get frustrated, too. People just shoot off at the mouth without thinking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oddly enough, this doesn't bother me. i think it's kinda cute. i don't feel pressure about it even. (i have 1 dc.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]people ask me (on the street!) all the time if I am going to have a fourth. or they say "you're done, right?" why would I tell you?! lol.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i just found out i'm pregnant from IVF #3. i have 16 mos ds who was IVF #1. i had on... 4 replies
- i remember when i was pre with #2 from my IVF cycle..it was such an emotional roller coaster the entire pregnancy...
- i couldn't get excited until about 20 weeks (from ivf #6), it is normal. Just take care of yourself and know that you can handle anything life throws your way....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
i just found out i'm pregnant from IVF #3. i have 16 mos ds who was IVF #1. i had one failed cycle a couple months ago. i am happy, but now feel almost even more anxious. i lost a baby (twin) in my last pregnancy and am so scared that something could happen with this one. i know i am never going to be as blindly optimistic as i was before, but i really want to be excited about this news.....
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 05:56 PM [ Flag ]congrats.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you are right to be nervous, but try to feel some sense of accomplishment! congratulations
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i remember when i was pre with #2 from my IVF cycle..it was such an emotional roller coaster the entire pregnancy...good luck, i wish you the best and hope for a healthy baby in 9 mths!.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i couldn't get excited until about 20 weeks (from ivf #6), it is normal. Just take care of yourself and know that you can handle anything life throws your way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I can't help noticing all of the parents who have one boy and one girl. Do you think... 10 replies
- most people I know that ahve two have two fo teh same sex- you actually have slightly higher odds of having the same sex as your first with your second. And short of PGD in IVF, you can't really influence gender (though maybe that sprem spinning helps?)-...
Talk : : November 16, 2009
I can't help noticing all of the parents who have one boy and one girl. Do you think that it's just by chance or are more people trying pre-conception methods (e.g. Shettles, Billings, 0+12, etc.) to help influence the gender of their future child?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag ]for us it was chance.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you believe there's truth to conceiving a girl several days before ovulation?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Nah. Just as many families with 2 of either gender. Plus don't assume that everyone wants one of each. We wanted 2 boys and got 2 boys and there was nothing done to encourage that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]we got really lucky..
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's great to hear you got exactly what you wanted.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]most people I know that ahve two have two fo teh same sex- you actually have slightly higher odds of having the same sex as your first with your second. And short of PGD in IVF, you can't really influence gender (though maybe that sprem spinning helps?)-
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Mine was just by chance - nothing at all planned.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have a dd and am pregnant now with a ds and it was just by chance, although when we looked back after the fact we discovered that we conceived dd with me on top and ds from the back which is what they say you should do if you want a particular gender.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was on the bottom when I got pregnant with dd. No method is 100%
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
just by chance, although maybe if you get one boy and one girl by chance, you are less likely to go for a third, which is where we are.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Just about to start IVF first cycle. Feeling a little despondent and anxious. Any IVF... 15 replies
- I thought you weren't supposed to exercise when you are doing IVF...
Talk : : November 10, 2009
Just about to start IVF first cycle. Feeling a little despondent and anxious. Any IVF advice from veterans of the process?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 12:26 PM [ Flag ]try to relax as much as you can...be pro-active in everything the doctor is doing...cry if you have to cry...it's really emotionally draining but in the end if it works it's worth it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me! Cycled 5 times. Just take it one step at a time. When are you starting? Who are you seeing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]December 7th is D-Day or whatever the terminology is for this. I am with Batzofin. I don't love him, but we're committed to this now and I'm 42 next month and don't want to lose much more time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I had many back and forths about my RE, but in the end he came through. No place is perfect. As long as you are at a reputable clinic with good numbers and a good lab, don't worry so much about the doctor. What's your protocol?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not sure how to answer "whats your protocol?" I don't know what a protocol is?!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]your meds. for example, short lupron, no lupron, no big deal -- just people have different protocols based on age, specific issue, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, i think i am scheduled to take everything and the kitchen sink. Long lupron...Lupron 10 until "bleed" then 5 for the remainder of time until extraction...Gonal F, Dexamethasone, Menapur. You name it, i take it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what is your FSH level?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can't remember the levels but everything came back normal range and working. I already have one 3yo, but been trying for 18 months and nada. Think it's my age - 42. did you conceive after 5 cycles?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Have been through 3 cycles myself. It will be tough but you can handle it. Try to simplify your life as much as possible, communicate with DH, create a routine for yourself (light exercise/reading/acupuncture), see a counselor/therapist with experience with this topic. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Did it work for you? After 3 cycles did you conceive?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Currently 38 wks pg with first DC.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's wonderful news! I already have DC so this is an inexplicable/age-related infertility issue. It's hard to knock one out with no trouble then spend 18 months trying with no issues!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, now you are hopefully on the right path. hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I thought you weren't supposed to exercise when you are doing IVF
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Anyone else trying a long time to concieve a 2nd child and it taking a terrible toll ... 12 replies
- I think if our relationship has changed at all, it's for the better. I guess we've never really been tested before this and the experience has made us realize that we really can rely on each other. So I guess it can go either way. If IVF doesn't work for us, our only option will be adoption, and we're not really on the same page with that, so I expect working through that decision will be a challenge....
Talk : : November 10, 2009
Anyone else trying a long time to concieve a 2nd child and it taking a terrible toll on your relationship?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 11:13 AM [ Flag ]Absolutely...only we are TTC #1.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe if you concentrated more on your relationship and less on "TTC", you might have a stronger, healthier relationship.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lots of factors at play, I'm sure. TTC can put a huge strain on the relationship, lots of pressure on DW.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And even more pressure on DH, who is often made to feel more like a stud service than a partner and husband.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have a wonderful, fantastic husband and marriage. That's quite a leap you made there from my question to assuming my relationship is a mess. Suggest you read more Oprah psychobabble books...
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: OR did sound preachy, but you did ask whether ttc had taken "a terrible toll on your relationship." i think it's natural people will assume that you are struggling with something similar.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ttc'ing is horrible.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ttc is awful. Either way, it pulls at you. Same direction or apart. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you. It's amazing to me even as close and strong as our relationship is, this process is brutal and bruising. he feels pressured, I feel abandoned!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We have been ttc #1 for almost two years. It has been a very difficult time (compounded by the fact my husband was laid off for a few months), but I think if our relationship has changed at all, it's for the better. I guess we've never really been tested before this and the experience has made us realize that we really can rely on each other. So I guess it can go either way. If IVF doesn't work for us, our only option will be adoption, and we're not really on the same page with that, so I expect working through that decision will be a challenge.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 05:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It can be a tough road but hang in there together. You might disagree on some issues but try to talk through them together. Patience is important. My DH thought he would never adopt but eventually he was willing to consider it. We finally decided to be content with just one and got pregnant with #2 after 6 years of trying. Ultimately, our marriage is a lot stronger because we have been through so much together.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It took us 13 months, one miscarriage before it "took." I think you both have to make up your mind that it's NOT going to take a toll on your relationship. If one of you finds yourself getting worked up, take a break. Figure out a plan that will work for both of you. If you are together and already have one child, keep counting your blessings and know that, worst case scenario, you will be a fine and happy family as-is. More than likely everything will work out in time!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i'm very sad. over the past two years i had three miscarriages. i've consulted with... 51 replies
- can karyotype you and your DH to see if something is in your genes that cause recurrent loss (balanced transolocations). If so, IVF with PGD to treat this. Cont'd....
- and you're not even in the ballpark. Hang tough. You don't sound like a very difficult case to me. Nothing some IVF and lovenox can't fix....
Talk : : November 10, 2009
i'm very sad. over the past two years i had three miscarriages. i've consulted with 3 ob's, 2 perinatologists, and two referral organizations. the best suggestion was to try again, using blood thinners. i wanted something more definitive than a "hey, why don't you try this". it's so hard. hard on me physically, hard on me and dh emotionally, hard on our marriage, etc. i'm getting to the end of my mandatory wait to ttc again and i'm scared.
51 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag ]I understand. I had two second trimester losses and an early miscarriage. I remember the need to know why. BUT, why doens't matter. What matters is WHEN. When are you going to hold your beautiful baby in your arms? So, keep your eye on the prize. Keep focused. Do what you need to do. Once you are holding that baby, this won't be quite as bad. Best of luck to you!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you. i think i'm just feeling despairing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Have you ever been to an RE?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they told me to see a perinatologist or maternal-fetal-medicine speicialist. i'm not sure why.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am the poster who posted about Orli Etingen. When I got pregnant, I went to Edersheim, but no MFM would touch me until I actually WAS pregnant (just my experience).
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't know how it works. i went to the two perinatologists for consultations. don't know how it works iwth REs and mfms.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
When did you M/C? Did you have any problems TTC?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no problems ttc (thank goodness. that would be even more scary to deal with, i think). miscarried between 12 and 14 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hang in there and it will happen.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Dr. Orli Ettingen gave me a great workup when I was concerned about this. She is at Cornell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wife saw Etingen - very happy with her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. it seems like everyone is in agreement about what tests to run (all came up with no problems) and what the options are. but maybe i'll look into this doctor.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had the official tests (which came up empty) and then went to her and she ran EVERYTHING, even that crazy stuff that you read on the web that "can be the cause of miscarriage"- all was negative and she went through it patiently with me. For the piece of mind alone, she was well worth it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'll see if she's covered by my insurance and if i can get an appt soon. thanks for the recommendation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She doesn't take insurance - we paid out of pocket, but was worth it. DW's brother was diagnosed with a genetic blood disorder and we were testing DW. She turned out to be heterozygous for the disorder so it wasn't a huge risk, managed with folic acid and baby asprin.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ouch. but it's good to have her name anyway. i feel much more confident about the baby aspirin/blood thinner now. so we'll try it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Don't give up hope. I've had four miscarriages, have two DSs and am pregnant again - 22 weeks. First, pick up Coming to Term, by Jon Cohen. It's a few years old now but it's a good resource for multiple miscarriage treatment. It tells you where they started and what they are looking for in their tests. It should empower you to push more for certain tests. Blood thinners treat certain clotting issues but there could be many, many other causes (or none at all). The best stat in this book is that the overwhelming majority of people with up to 4 miscarriages go on to have a healthy pregnancy with no intervention. I think you are past OB and before perinatologist stage. You need a good RE like yesterday. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i thought an RE was used for problems getting pregnant and a perinatologist was for problems during the pregnancy? and thanks very much for the book recommendation. i'm going to get it. i'm feeling very despairing. if they can't figure out a reason then it's just a craps shoot and we have to try and see if it works. (which, if you htink about it, really happens with every pregnancy anyway). but it's a very scary proposition to go through.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think a perinatologist is a specialist who treats problem pregnancies, but they seem to get involved after the first trimester. An RE helps someone get and stay pregnant. Infertility is defined as not only the inability to get pregnant, but also recurrent loss. My RE was a Godsend (not in NYC though). He went through everything (and did additional tests from the Ob's workup) and told me how he could fix the various problems that often cause recurrent miscarriage.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me again. And the good news is that if you've had all of the tests and nothing is wrong - there is nothing to be fixed. You are just getting screwed by the fates. This was my situation too. I would have preferred to have something to put my finger on, at some point, I think. But the great news is that the odds are on your side, overwhelmingly. Why and when did you have your losses? Chromosomal?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]12-14 weeks. didn't test chromosomes on all but the one(s) that we tested didn't show a problem. they think it's clotting problems but the fetuses and placentas didn't show excessive clotting so that would've been a nice support to the theory.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I took a baby aspirin throughout first trimester in the pregnancy that resulted in my kids. Doc said it was ok.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]really? you have no idea how happy it is to have you post this. that's what the latest recommendation was and i was colossally not impressed. but i guess it really does work for some people. i'm practically crying from relief thinking there's some hope.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh it worked, I also took Omegas until I got pregnant. I also had given up hope. That was what was different when I finally got my kids (I am the Etingen poster- nothing wrong was ever found).
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks again. i guess we'll try it and see if it works. it's funny b/c the doctor telling me it can help wasn't encouraging. but knowing that it did work for you (and i don't even know you!) makes me feel like it can totally work for me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
They should have run chromosomal testing with each loss they did a D&C for. God forbid you have another, insist. 50% of miscarriages are chromosomal, and if you've had one, that changes your treatment/outlook in some ways. (I've had two, one normal, one too early to tell). It also will give you peace of mind to know that some things are just flukes of nature. They can karyotype you and your DH to see if something is in your genes that cause recurrent loss (balanced transolocations). If so, IVF with PGD to treat this. Cont'd.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Another thing, is a single aspirin can treat anticardiolipid antibody issues - if they are bad, you might need heparin. This is also an easy fix. If you have a single or double MTHFR variation, you need more folic acid, another easy pill fix. There is so much they can do! They just need to tune in. An RE can look at your file, see your tests and fine tune your treatments. Obs try to do it, but it's the jack of all trades, master of none bit. Cont'd
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Another thing - did you m/c at 12-14 weeks after seeing a heartbeat at early scans? Do they follow your HCG early to see it rise, or are you only confirming the loss then because it's the first appointment where they are looking for a heartbeat but not finding one (i.e. you could be m/c earlier but not knowing since they aren't looking)? The timing of the loss sometimes indicates what's happening, too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks for all these questions. (you seem very knowledgeable). i answered about chromosomal testing below. the m/cs were all after seeing a heartbeat, after things had been going very well. all were discovered at 14 weeks, with two measuring at around 13 weeks and measuring at 14 weeks. so everyone seems to be leaning towards clotting issues, with chromosome problems being the next best guess. so they never tested hcg b/c it wasn't a problem. i know both perinatologists i went to said my ob's had been very thorough in ordering tests. they tested for the thrombophilia/clotting disorders and nothing came up as a problem
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How horrible for you. Each time, you thought you were safe and into the clear and then a loss - That must have been excrutiating for you. I'm so, so sorry. If it's a clotting issue, though, a baby aspirin and heparin are easy fixes. I think the baby aspirin is a low dose blood thinner, the other two are a little more of a big guns approach. In light of your history, I would think they would order the heparin. Unfortunately, as you know, the knowledge comes through experience because no one cares as much about the ultimate outcome as we do. That book is amazing, though! I hope you get it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: thank you. first time was like getting hit in the face with a hammer, it came from totally out of the blue. next time i was holding my breath thinking lightning wouldn't strike twice, but it did. third time was almost like having blinders on, just determined to believe that it wouldn't happen again. now i'm a wreck and i'm not even ttc'ing yet. i'm going to call the ob and discuss the heparin vs. the aspirin. i don't want to do too little but i'm also nervous about being on blood thinners if it's not necessary, kwim? but i'm really glad to see from so many people that the heparin and/or aspirin really can work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]One of the hardest things to wrap your brain around is that it *can* and and likely *will* be okay for you. You feel like Lucy is holding the football and you are Charlie Brown always falling for it, but you have to try to stay sane and positive. You have good facts (no big uglies that are causing problems) and so long as you don't give it, it will happen for you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
thanks. i never got the results from any tests run with the first one. the second and third times i'm not sure if it was too late to get results or that the results showed no problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Did they test for the clotting disorders? They can def cause miscarriages at that stage. I have factor v leiden and take lovenox for blood thinning throughout pregnancy, carried #1 no problem, now 31 weeks with #2.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: yes, they tested. nothing showed a problem. they said they are leaning towards blood clotting as the problem anyway. but they were hoping to find clotting in the placenta to support the theory and they didn't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am the RE poster from above. My RE did a whole panel of blood tests on me. He found that I had one gene mutation for clotting (gosh I wish I remember what it was). He said that it wasn't two, so it's not technically a defect, but that it could benefit from baby asprin. He then referred me to a high risk OB to assess whether I needed to be a heparin (I didn't). Anyway, I took baby aspirin throughout and progesterone suppositories and my third pregnancy (after two MCs) ended up in DS. GL and hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
did they end up coming up with a reason for your miscarriages? i think the timing of mine is making it possible to rule out a lot of issues. thanks very much for this information. just "talking" about it with other people is very helpful to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My first one was genetically normal, and a twin pregnancy. Not sure why I lost that one. Second one was triploidy (a full extra set of chromosomes - freak of nature, two sperm, one egg thing). Third was too early to tell, almost a chemical pregnancy. Fourth one was Trisomy 20. Since I had chromosomal issues, I am slightly more likely to have them with an additional pregnancy (1% chance). I've had two healthy boys and all looks good for this pregnancy (girl). This has all been since 2004 - so 7 pregnancies, four losses in 5 years). I was on heparin and baby aspirin for both boys. This time, I'm not on anything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow. what a lot to go through. i'm so happy for you that you have your healthy dc. good luck this time. are you nervous about not being on aspirin or heparin? have they tested for chromosomal problems?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^i ask b/c it seems like you'd understand how i feel now. that i want to ttc, hope i get pregnant, but can't help but feel like i might be waiting for the other shoe to drop. it's very scary.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not nervous about being off of everything this time - not sure why - you would think I would be. I think it's just that I came out the other side okay with my boys and it gave me faith again that my body could do this. When I was in your position, I doubted everything, that it could ever be okay. Now, it just feels differently. My situation was like yours that there was nothing they could definitely say was the problem. Cont'd.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We had first trimester screening done this time and everything looks okay. I'm hoping for the best. I hope time speeds up for you because I have faith that you will have a healthy baby - it's just that the road is often longer than we expect. And it's so scary and isolating because it seems so easy for other people. And there isn't much out there as far as support for recurrent loss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how about adoption? i'm sure there was a reason you didn't consider it before, but there are plenty of kids who need homes as loving as yours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i had never thought of it before. i don't think it's something i'd want to do. i can more likely see myself doing short term foster care or something like that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Short term foster care is a great way to test the waters. I have friends who have done it and ended up adopting really great kids. It can take a while to do the training and jumping through the administrative hhops, so you might think about beginning the process sooner.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had 3 mc's also, but have had 2 healthy kids. One mc before first DC; 2 after; then the baby (yep, she's a baby now). The view doesn't change till you succeed, is all I can say. I would never have believed things would improve - until they did!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks so much for this post. i'm really hoping for good things.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too. I think you will get there as I did. But trust me if someone had said that to me at the time(s) I would not have believed them at all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have a physician friend who was you. 5 miscarriages, no definitive cause. She successfully delivered a healthy child after using blood thinners the moment she knew was pregnant. Good luck. Sometimes you just don't know, you have to try everything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Listen, I feel bad for you but I'm assuming you have a child already and in my experience, people who have miscarriages always end up with a baby. It's the can't get pregnant infertiles (like us) who tend to struggle for longer. Make an appointment with an RE, try some lovenox or heparin and you should be fine. Remember, no one is sick, this will probably work out in the end and you will have wasted all this time feeling miserable. I've seen people go through infertility hell and you're not even in the ballpark. Hang tough. You don't sound like a very difficult case to me. Nothing some IVF and lovenox can't fix.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] IVF moms who had a BFN. how did you find out that you were not pregnant? from the b... 3 replies
- My beta is on Monday ( not op, but also currently doing IVF). Are you saying I can take a home pregnancy test that morning of the blood test so that I don't have to wait for the results?...
Talk : : November 10, 2009
IVF moms who had a BFN. how did you find out that you were not pregnant? from the blood test or did you get your period before?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 04:11 AM [ Flag ]i always took a urine test before beta. easier to get the call from the doctors office. once or twice i got period before the call came but progesterone shots seemed to keep period at bay for a day or two (if you are on them). good luck. when is your beta?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op here - my beta is on monday too. i am not too optimistic about getting a positive. we onlt implanted one embryo and none of the 6 other good ones we had leftover made it to freeze. so i am already preparing myself for a new fresh cycle.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 02:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My beta is on Monday ( not op, but also currently doing IVF). Are you saying I can take a home pregnancy test that morning of the blood test so that I don't have to wait for the results?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] TTC baby #2. Conceived DS #1 w/clomid/IUI. Am now 37. RE keeps saying all is fine,... 16 replies
- it messes with your body so much that it causes problems, not solves them . But if you are not going to do IVF until Jan you may as well give it another go or two, but try something different, mix it up a bit. The...
- Take a break and do IVF in January. Enjoy the holidays....
Talk : : November 09, 2009
TTC baby #2. Conceived DS #1 w/clomid/IUI. Am now 37. RE keeps saying all is fine, numbers are fine, DH has super sperm. However, now have had 2 failed clomid/IUIs. exhausted, depressed, and emotional. would you do another IUI and if yes, another with clomid or move on to injectibles? we can't start IVF until Jan. what would you do?
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.09.09, 05:53 PM [ Flag ]Clomid is counterproductive, move onto injectables. Why do you have to wait until Jan? I suppose it is around the corner now though
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]bc the office goes on a hiatus for lab maintenance for a few wks in Dec and then i am away for the holidays to see family, a vacation which was booked almost a year ago, when i had no idea i would be in this awful place. curious, why do you say clomid is CP? i'm also TERRIFIED of doing the injections. i don't know if i can really do this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 05:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]A lot of people say that it messes with your body so much that it causes problems, not solves them . But if you are not going to do IVF until Jan you may as well give it another go or two, but try something different, mix it up a bit. The injections are seriously not a big deal. Can you get dh to do them? Good Luck
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you for the advice. i just watched the video for doing the injections and am having anxiety. i can't even watch when the do the blood draws or the ovidrul. i have no idea how i will do this myself, and as much as i love DH, i can't see him doing this either. the clomid did make me feel like crap. but i don't know if its my emotions and anxiety that are causing me to question it. the doc said that typical is 3 cycles of clomid, but he said i could move to injectibles too. im so confused and scared.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Get dh to do it. You are doing enough, and you won't even feel it. And your doctor knows your situation the best, so do what he says, imo, but if he says injectables are worth a go next cycle, suck it up, and go for it.....
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not a question of "suck it up." i have serious genuine anxiety and fear about needles. i'm still amazed i ever had a baby and made it through childbirth at all. how do you get the strength to stick it in? it's not about whether it hurts, it the anxiety of knowing that something is piercing your skin. i am truly truly scared.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I know someone who hired a nurse to come and give the shots. It was a little expensive but not outrageous as it only took a minute and she found someone who lived nearby. Try this and maybe that will make you relax, even if it costs a few hundred dollars extra.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks for the suggestion. im now trying to think of anyone i know who could do it for me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np, and i absolutely 100% understand your needle fear. i was TERRIFIED. got my sister to come do it, and was absolutely in a panic the first time she did it. next time it was bad but not as bad, and gradually got better and better. it can be scary and if you really don't feel comfortable doing it, you shouldn't put yourself through that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my mother is a phlebotomist (does injections and draws blood). She works on the UES. She can do it for you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the nurses at most RE offices will do it for you outside of the office for $
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]any idea what the going rate might be?
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: its about 50.00 per trip depending on where they are traveling from. We considered this once when my husband was traveling.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
why is clomid counterproductive? i ask b/c my re just recommended clomid/iui w/out injectibles since I'm concerned about multiples
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'd go on anti depressants or anti anxiety pills, When we were TTC (I was 32) I was so stressed during the 2ww and distraught when AF came that it made TTC so much harder (even with great numbers and sperm) until I started Celexa. Felt so much better and got pg the next cycle.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Take a break and do IVF in January. Enjoy the holidays.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] IVF moms - when did you first feel symptoms? did you feel anything within a week aft... 5 replies
- I had 2 IVF's, the second was successful, and I felt the same after both. With the one that worked, I was sure I was not pregnant b/c I felt exactly like I did the first time. The real pg symptoms only came after the positive beta....
Talk : : November 09, 2009
IVF moms - when did you first feel symptoms? did you feel anything within a week after your transfer?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.09.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag ]Yes, a couple of days after transfer. A distinct pinch in my lower abdomen.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If it helps, I was convinced I was having a chemical or not pregnant when I was pg with twins (at long last).
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I felt nothing at all for pretty much the first three months!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I thought most of what you feel is from the progesterone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had 2 IVF's, the second was successful, and I felt the same after both. With the one that worked, I was sure I was not pregnant b/c I felt exactly like I did the first time. The real pg symptoms only came after the positive beta.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am currently 25 and have been married for 4 years. We are NEVER having children th... 16 replies
- I have a friend like you. For 10 years, I listened to them going on and on about how they will adopt, and judging me as being selfish and wasteful. Now they have completely changed their minds, and at 40, are going through their 3rd round of ivf, because they left it too late. I am expected to commiserate and comfort her whenever she calls me to say she got her period. Uggh....
Talk : : November 08, 2009
I am currently 25 and have been married for 4 years. We are NEVER having children there are already TOO many in this world, and also dieing from various diseases and crappy parents. Having a child in this world now is not only financial suicide, it's emotional suicide. My wife and I enjoy EACH other and want to afford to have fun and go on vacations. We don't want to be in debt for the rest of our life and have to worry every waking moment of your life taking care of a child. To make sure of this I got a Vasectomy 2 months before we got married. We didn't have sex until marriage due to our religions, and we have been happily married and having sex for the last 4 years. NO CHILDREN. No way, NO HOW.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.08.09, 09:03 AM [ Flag ]why are you on urban BABY?
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think he is having second thoughts
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL. I love posts like these. They make me really really appreciate the man I married.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OK, everyone is entitled to an opinion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA with other responders: good for you, you are entitled to your opinion, and why are you on Urban Baby? I didn't have kids until my '30s and I'd never be on a parenting site or even thought about it until I actually was pregnant. Go to some fun young couples site and post there, please, since you don't have anything to add to the conversation. On yes, and of course you are probably a fake troll. So no one post and give this guy the satisfaction.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry, I think it is a troll, but people aren't going to leave it alone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Putting my personal opinion aside, and since you didn't really ask any question, I wonder if there are other instances where humankind disregarded their genetic signals and urges, and it was to the benefit of society?
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]come back when you have that vasectomy reversed
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good for you, I guess. Just hope in a few years when your wife's biological clock starts 'ticking' that she doesn't leave you for another man so she can have a family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ahhhh, you beat me to it!
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
fake.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree...not too many 25 yo men stumble upon UB to post their thoughts on children.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You're probably a DH that wished he was 25 again and MADE those decision back then. Sorry, can't turn back the hands of time so just deal with the fact that you have kids and try to raise them well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Probably best for all of us that YOU do not reproduce anyway. Even though I know this is fake. Since you have so much time on your hands without any children to care for, stop spending time on baby sites and go learn to spell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have a friend like you. For 10 years, I listened to them going on and on about how they will adopt, and judging me as being selfish and wasteful. Now they have completely changed their minds, and at 40, are going through their 3rd round of ivf, because they left it too late. I am expected to commiserate and comfort her whenever she calls me to say she got her period. Uggh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 10:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] It seems like anyone who has kids before 30 gets automatically flamed on here. Why s... 107 replies
- use clomid. 37-41 UB: dont believe the fact that your fertility is dropping like a rock! i would rather be undergoing ten IVF treatments now rather than have missed my time travelling (actually more like a 2 week vacation) 10 years ago....
- |38-41 your fertility is dropping like a rock? no wayy..um use IUI or IVF! i have 2 dcs and i am mrs. happy...
Talk : : November 07, 2009
It seems like anyone who has kids before 30 gets automatically flamed on here. Why so? Is it so unrealistic that even educated and clever urban people find love and decide to start a family early on? Just curious.
107 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.07.09, 09:45 AM [ Flag ]So do granny moms. This is the forum for unbalanced know-it-alls.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know. Granny moms seem to get more of an "aww, you go girl" sort of attitude, whereas young moms are seen as uneducated hicks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Haha; I think you're safe if you have one between 30 years and one day and 37 years old.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That does seem to be the official Urban Baby range.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Advice noted!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think it's that whole Sex and the City mentality.... you know, "I'm going to party and live it up with my girlfriends and settle down when I'm 40." I think people are starting to gradually move away from that, and young motherhood is making a comeback.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Advances in reproductive technology are making granny motherhood all that much more realistic. I think some women will still continue to put off motherhood until their late 30s.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're assuming women are putting off motherhood out of choice. Some just don't meet the right man for a while. There are a lot of a@@holes out there in NYC.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. There are a lot of career choices in this town which severely limit your chances of meeting straight men--publishing, fashion, art world, theater...
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np -- that's not what the OP asked. She was questioning the attitude toward young mothers, not toward those who wait, and I do sort of see what she means. There's a lot of hate on here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think that is unfair; some people are not partying but are instead attending graduate, medical, or law school and working on getting to a certain level in their career before they have kids. I got married in my early 20s but waited 10 years to have kids until I made enough money to make sure I would have the choice about whether to be SAHM, and to be able to support myself and my children if something happened to my marriage or my husband died.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hear that a lot from women, and it sucks. It's so unfortunate that so many women postpone motherhood because they are unsure about the future of their marriage. It seems like a bad way to go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My marriage is perfectly stable, I just don't want to be forced to be dependent on someone. Why is this such a foreign concept?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Marriage is a partnership. It's a codependency between husband and wife, who hopefully work together to create the best life for their kids. I think this notion of dependency is what causes a lot of marriages to fail.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ita with this. Just because one partner makes money doesn't mean the other partner depends on them. Codependency and partnership is a nice way to put it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, it means that a woman is financially dependent on her husband. There is nothing wrong with this if you are comfortable with it, but some people are not. I'm not disparaging anyone, just stating why I chose to wait. Do you have a problem with opinions that differ from your own?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you keep your finances separate, and your husband gives you an "allowance," perhaps then you are financially dependent. But if you work as a team, have completely shared finances, there is no dependency, just different roles and responsibilities that each partner brings to the relationship.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]but even in that case, the woman's role and responsibility can easily be outsourced
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]As can the man's, obviously.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Nothing wrong with postponing motherhood. I know many who also just waited because they didn't want the burden of kids yet and yes = didn't want to change their lifestyle and you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. We all have choices. No way did I want children in my 20s
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree, let people make their own choices. Why can't we just celebrate being mothers regardless of what age we choose to do so?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here - I agree with this. But it seems like women who make the choice to wait until they are older are hailed as wise, independent, liberated, and those who make the choice to have kids young are viewed as small-minded and provincial.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, younger moms are likely to be less independent, at least financially, but calling them small-minded is just insulting
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Really? We are not talking about teen moms here, but rather women in their 20s. At 25, when I had my first, I had a B.S. and an M.A. from an Ivy, and great job, which is not too unusual for women in the city. I was never on an accelerated track in school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I posted below--PhD mom. No matter what your level of education or financial independence, if you have a child in your 20s you are more or less the same as a 12 year old mom in the eyes of many people in this city!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's not quite as usual as you think, even in NYC. On average, it takes students 6 years now to earn a bachelor's because of study abroad, taking a semester off, switching majors. You sound like a very accomplished 25 year old, but there are many different career tracks. Doctors are not finished with their education by 25 and many people haven't started an MBA by 25 because top schools prefer a few years of work experience.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And yet, it is somehow possible to go to school/work and have a child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My dad died at 47 when I was 9 and my brother was 7. You have to be prepared.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We have divorce laws and life insurance for that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nice attitude, gold-digger. There's nothing wrong with self-reliance.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]There are laws and provisions to protect women. It does seem kind of silly to put off kids until you earn a certain salary. Marriage is a partnership.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yea, I do see that a lot on this forum. SAHMs also get flamed for "giving up their career and independence." I blame feminism, or DHs who don't treat their wives well enough and give them this major complex of bitchy insecurity.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Granny mom here and I agree with OP. I think if you out yourself as being under 30 with kids you are perceived to be a hick. I think they are jealous.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think they are hicks but I'm certainly not jealous of them either. Not everyone wants to become a mother when they are that young.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]"That young"???? Having a child in your 20's, 25 for me, is NOT young!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think "adulthood" keeps getting pushed farther and farther into the future. The twenties are not regarded as this time of extended adolescence by many people, and I think the thirties are starting to get there too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I wouldn't say that's a big factor here. Most people I know who had children in their mid-late thirties weren't "delaying adolescence" but rather working at really intense careers. I know it's possible to have a baby while you're a medical resident, but it's not a terrific option for most people...
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
of course it's young. You certainly can't say it's old. It's on the young side to have a child - you can do math right? Not saying it's wrong but it is young
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]According to the CDC, the average age of first-time moms was 25.2 years. So not particularly young--it's actually just about average!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yea, but what is that stat for urban centers like New York?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no idea, but i kind of think it would be about the same--b/c lots of teen moms in NY to balance out the older moms.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]27
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
for the national average. Not educated urban women. So you want to say young is a teen now or college age? Whatever. 25 is young period -young in your lifespan
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you need a median not an average. find that stat
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, but those stats are not for college-educated women. From my experience in a big city as a 25-year-old mom--I always felt as if all of the moms were either ten years older than me or ten years younger. Very few in between, I found, and very few college-educated moms under 30.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't understand it. We were 10 years younger than the next youngest parents at my son's preschool. I get mistaken for his nanny constantly, and initially I think our age makes other parents a little wary of us. People warm up to us after they get to know us, but the age thing can be so irritating. At doctor's offices, at the first visit they often ask me for my medicaid card. Or people assume I am a single, unwed mom. I have a PhD, my husband has an MD, and we both have great jobs. Strangers here definitely assume the worst about us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Where do you live?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Manhattan. We used to live in a large southern city, where it was much more common to get married and start families younger. Moving here and being considered so young was kind of a shock!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not to be mean, but what's your appearance like? It may not be just because you're young, but if you don't dress nicely and aren't well groomed, you probably are not making a great first impression. If it didn't bother you, I'd say who cares, but it's obvious this bothers you, so there are steps you can take to change people's perception of you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pretty nice--I'm a professor, so I have to dress to teach. Blazers, nice shoes, etc--modern lines, though. Part of the problem is that I look even younger than my age. It's not unusual for me to get mistaken for an undergrad sometimes, especially because a lot of them dress up. At the park on the weekends, when I'm wearing jeans, I'm sure my clothes don't help, but I can live with that in return for being comfy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]VBA, yawn, whatever
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]she just answered the question. jealous?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not in the least; just a low tolerence for narcissism.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ignore her. she is probably mistaken for her child's grandmother, and it naturally puts her in a bad mood.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I guess I'm old enough to be a white trash grandmother since I am in my early 30s but only you and OR would make that mistake in NYC.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i am 38 years old and have a 2 year old. i think it is sad that women like you are so jealous of younger mothers. there are plenty of great things about being an older mom, so why so bitter? it's interesting how quickly you jump to name-calling--saying someone is narcissistic because she says she looks young, talking about white trash grandmothers... you sound like a sad and angry woman.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How would you have phrased that so it is not a VBA? I was just trying to describe the way I dress (pretty nicely, and I brush my hair in the morning).
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Watch a few episodes of what not to wear and learn how to look your age.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How on earth would you know that I am "wearing" the wrong thing? As I said, what I wear is typical in my field. Even if I looked my age--which is still under 30--I would be young for a NYC parent. Go flame elsewhere.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is looking young part of your identity because it sounds like it is to me. Very unhealthy. Have fun with your midlife crisis.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]As I said, I dislike being treated differently because of my age. This post is about moms under 30 getting flamed on this site--and you are illustrating this perfectly. I will be perfectly happy to get older. It sounds like you may be a little unhappy with your own age, though, hence the need for snarkiness. I hope your midlife crisis ends soon!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm probably about 2 years older than you but I try to look and act my age. Good day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]think she meant 20, and i am sure she looks it. good day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The funny thing is that I bet this is a 40-ish SAHM who wears yoga pants all day and doesn't ever get noticed enough for someone to comment on her age. You can hear the smugness trying to mask the desperation. Unhappy people like to flame. Ignore her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Troll!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Think whatever makes you feel better.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ewwhhh, I hope I never have to meet you in real life. UB always makes me appreciate my friends and how nice and normal they are! Good day, indeed.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
why should she? So silly to go by those rules - unless of course you are a rules person. I'll be in jeans and long sleeve ts into my 50s
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wow--I'm probably older than you and Eileen Fisher and I are well-acquainted, but I gotta say, you sound like a bitter, jealous older mom.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 03:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
This used to happen to me. It will pass, and then you will miss these days! Enjoy looking young while you can.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks, I know there are plenty of worse things!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i mistook one of dd's class moms for the child's sister! some people just appear younger than their years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how old are you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Twenty-nine now. When I had my son I was twenty-four.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Guys, EVERYBODY gets flamed here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 11:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]True, true.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Nah, it is not so unrealistic. But people have a vested interest in believing that the choices they make are the best ones possible. Since women tend to have children late in NYC, it's important to many of them to believe that having children younger would have been a terrible idea. Hence, moms under 30 get flamed. This also goes for older moms!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, ITA -- it's about people needing to believe that their choices are BETTER than other people's and not just equal in validity.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had kids at 27, 39 and 41. I would have given my right arm or more to be a "younger" mom--and starting at 28 or 29 is not that young. I am insanely jealous of you. Yes I had an intense academic and professional background but I did NOT wait. Always looking--it just never worked out earlier. Enjoy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]37, not 27!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Awhh, that is sweet!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA, kids 36 and 38, dh made us wait just because everybody else was doing it too. we could have done this a lot earlier, and be off to europe or travelling the u.s. in an airstream a lot earlier too instead of putting these kids thru college and probably grad school too when we're officially in retirement age.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks for your honesty!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 05:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA with above 2 posts. Enjoy it! I am an older mom. It didn't work out for me in my early 30's (or late 20's for that matter) but I wish it had!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I didn't have my first until after 30 but I got married at 23. I've gotten enough bad reactions that I try no to mention how long DH and I have been married. I didn't realize how sad that sounded until I typed it out...
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think that would take admirable self-restraint!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]DH is an MD. We waited until he was done with residency. I didn't want to be a single mom. :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ughh, good decision. My DH is just starting med school, and it is going to be a LONG road. I'm trying to convince my sister to move out here to be my other parent!
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 08:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had my first at 39-a total surprise after over 10 yrs of marriage w/plenty of unprotected sex/no birth control. It just finally happened. We had another, 2 yrs later. It's been great. My sister had her 1st at 19,second at 23. It's been great for her too. I don't get the whole age thing; we all have different experiences-so what?That's what makes life so interesting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 05:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]+ My sister's young motherhood was a wonderful accompaniment to her Under&Post grad thru Doctorate in Early Childhood Development. I can recall some parents mistaking her for a young babysitter and very few mothers her age.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
it's not really the people who have kids before 30yo. it's the people who are still in their 20s and post here. if i say i'm 35 with a 10yo, no one will think twice. if i say i'm 25 with a baby, people will say "why are you doing it so young".
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 04:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Which implies that having a baby at 25 ten years ago was somehow more alright than doing it now. So, why is that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 05:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, it implies that people are snobs and only want to talk to someone they think is on par with them. and in this case, if you are in your 20s, you're a baby and immature. but if you are in your 30s like the reader, then it's ok to talk to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITTTTTtA!! But basically UB doesn't like a person to have a baby until only a handful of wizened eggs are left. This is the typical response to pregnancy at different ages on UB: ages 12-18 WAY TOO YOUNG, TEEN MOM (i agree)||| 18-22 Way too young, you should be in college,||| 23-26 honey, you're way too young, who cares if your fertility is at its prime, you should be doing a master's/MD/JD/MBA!||| 27-30 honey, u need to keep ignoring your fertility because it's time for you to concentrate on your CAREER! we need to make money to earn for our future nannies, right?? also make sure you "travel the world" |||30-33 while you're thinking "omg i'm effing 30! find me a man to marry!" people here will tell you that most 37 yo men don't care about the 25 yo chick, they only want girls who are their age or preferably older. |||34-37 UB: the doctor says you're advanced maternal age! no way! umm..ya just ignore that part..i had quadruplets at 34...and didn't even use clomid. 37-41 UB: dont believe the fact that your fertility is dropping like a rock! i would rather be undergoing ten IVF treatments now rather than have missed my time travelling (actually more like a 2 week vacation) 10 years ago. |||41-46 even though people on UB secretly know that the woman's eggs are raisins now, UB will just tell the woman that they knew someone who had triplets at 46 WITHOUT donor eggs! |||46-50 ok finally UB people decide to stop lying and say "are you serious? you're a "GRANNY mom"! u should have had your kids at 30!" of course a few liars will still add that there's a 69 yo romanian woman who had kids or something and it's ok because men do all the time. -*
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 12:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]the 25 yo coed, and they prefer girls to be their age, or slightly older. |||34-37 you're advanced maternal age? umm...ok let's ignore that and talk about my girlfriend who had a healthy kid at 37 while her 20 yo sis had siamese twins.|||38-41 your fertility is dropping like a rock? no wayy..um use IUI or IVF! i have 2 dcs and i am mrs. happy |||41-45 uh... don't worry hun, my friend had triplet babies WITHOUT donor eggs! |||46-50 ok finally everyone gets sick of lying, and says "damn u should have thought of kids 20 years back". then the woman's like "but..but...i followed UB and got 3 graduate degrees!ppl told me that david letterman can have kids at 58, so i could too!" of course girl with all these degrees still hasn't learned that no matter how feminist we get,biologically we do not have the same reproductive leverage as men. oh well...i did enjoy making those spreadsheets and going on that carnival cruise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 01:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]matter how feminist we get,biologically we do not have the same reproductive leverage as men. fictional UB girl, "oh well...i did enjoy making those spreadsheets and going on that carnival cruise." btw please no comments on my punctuation or awesome grammar. at least i have a DB..who is 99x3 and at DALTONNNN..HOLLA
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 01:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lol! But, I ah, sort of agree with you. I think 25-35 is prime time to have kids, whereas "the time to have a career" is way more flexible, at least biologically and socially speaking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]"holla?" you're so classy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]whatever, i get diversity at all the TTs..HOLLA.. -*
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you are one weird sicko. I happen to agree with OP and posted as much above (though I am an older mom), wishing her well and telling her I wish it had happened to me that way. You who feel the need to rail here? Don't you have any friends from the barrio to discuss this with? Hope your fictional Dalton db didn't get your wacko mean genes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, he's fictional, so he can get any type of genes i want. :) i know u hate me...sorry..i am a weird sicko. Btw my first post was in response to OP, not anyone else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 11:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: are you real? I'm just amazed if there are real people like you, I live in happy denial and refuse to believe. And what do you mean your post was in response to OP? You sound majorly angry, not sure why if your life is so honky-dory.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 12:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
oh damn the posts formatted so badly, it's like they duplicate in the middle so they make no sense. oh well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
People here think they are the greatest and their kids are the greatest. They think hat they found the perfect balance between careers and family and anyone that might look happier or more successful gets flamed.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This whole post shows how stressed out and unhappy everyone on it is! Why even get into this??? Comparative motherhood.........oh brother,
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So weird. I had my first child in my late 20's and it really is no different than early 30's. I have no idea why this is an issue!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] About to start TTC baby #3. I want twins - this will be my last pregnancy, and I wan... 12 replies
- Go do IVF and transfer back three embryos. If you're fertile, you will probably end up with twins. Will only cost about $15k....
Talk : : November 05, 2009
About to start TTC baby #3. I want twins - this will be my last pregnancy, and I want a big family. (Don't flame, we can afford it). Any advice? No twins in our family at all. Would be happy to hear any witch doctor remedies or cultural myths about how to make this happen (the natural way).
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.05.09, 06:08 PM [ Flag ]i think you can take meds to enhance number of eggs released?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think there is anything you can do unless they run in your family. I would have loved to have had twins too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I read somewhere that taking LARGE quantities of Folic Acid can improve your chances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you can eat a lot of yams, i read something about the yoruba in africa having a high rate bc of phytoestrogens in them or something..maybe get some extract of this?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 10:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry; very little chance, but just think, if you want more dc after the one you are ttc, you get to be pg. again!
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 11:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG you are nuts. It is not a matter of being able to afford it. The pg itself can be SO risky. Then, if you babies are born early there is a whole additional set of horrible risks. Do it one baby at a time if that is what comes naturally. Signed, mom of identical twins (egg split, shock of my life) who had TTTS and were born 5 weeks early.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Don't try this. Seriously risky, multiples are likely to be premature. Also there's no "natural" way to increase your chances of having twins, the only thing you can really do is Clomid.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 07:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Totally. you will need medical assistance. BTW twins are really hard!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 07:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Go do IVF and transfer back three embryos. If you're fertile, you will probably end up with twins. Will only cost about $15k.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cassava root. They're like sweet potatoes and there are tribes in Africa which eat a lot of Cassava and have higher rates of multiple births. They can be hard to find though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 08:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you don't have any fertility issues and just want twins, I'd try Clomid. Less invasive than IVF.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You wouldn't want the high risk pregnancy that comes with twins. Trust me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My husband and I have been married for about 4 years and have been together since col... 10 replies
- If you really want anotehr kid and needed ivf - he's seriously wasting your time. how selfish....
Talk : : November 05, 2009
My husband and I have been married for about 4 years and have been together since college. It was never too exciting, but I thought he was into me. It took me a long time to conceive through ivf (4 cycles), but it always seemed he was never really into it, just kind of doing it, but I did believe he was into me, the marriage, us. In the last 2 years while I was TTC, he got close with a female co-worker, she's married too, has a kid, and I know they work a lot together, he mentioned her quite often. I also know he used to do things with her after work. I used to think he was cheating on me, but brushed it off. We'd fight at times, he would say he wasn't in love with me, didn't want a kid, did it for me, etc, but would cool off the next day. I know it's not perfect, he loves our 8 month old db, but he seems to be doing stuff on auto pilot, we don’t; do much as a couple, we haven't had sex in more than a year, I guess I am not too lively or exciting - I have some medical issues, but it just feels we're going through the motions, doing routine things. He seems down, depressed, edge, and always has excuses for his behavior, I am trying not to bring things up - but am I ignoring the obvious? A man who loves me should treat me differently. He recently told me he didn’t want another kid, and I guess I knew that, he wasn't excited about the first one. I think he has something with that co-worker, I know he spend time with her, maybe even confides in her and I dread to think, maybe more. He seems to have more patience for her then to me. What should I do? should I open things up? right now it feels like one big denial. I always wanted to be married and to have a family and a part of me is glad I have a man to take care of things, but maybe he's not really into me, and I am not sure what's stopping him from leaving.
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.05.09, 12:35 PM [ Flag ]Aw, I really don't know what to say to you. I think you both need to go to counseling. The relationship with the coworker does seem unhealthy. However, you also seem to have low-self esteem and would benefit from an individual therapist as well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i would ask him straight out if he wants a divorce. if he says no, then you ask why not and tell him that you don't feel he is invested in the relationship. if he says yes, well, then you know where you stand and can start looking for someone who is willing to show that he wants to be with you. on a side note, could you be suffering from ppd or that you are the one unhappy in the marriage and this is how it is manifesting?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Honestly if you haven't had sex in more than a year he is 99.9% most likely having sex with this coworker. Sound like you need to get into marraige counseling immediately. You also have to "up your game" and become more exciting if you want this to work out
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If my dh told me he wasn't in love with me and didn't want a kid, I would be devastated. Even if he "cooled off" the next day and said he didn't really mean it.......to me that is a major red flag.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. I would not want to stay in a marriage lke that
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here - it happened more than once. Ever time we had a major fight he'd say something like it, once he said he hated his life. I thought he was drunk, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you really want anotehr kid and needed ivf - he's seriously wasting your time. how selfish.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA. There is always some truth to outburst like these.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
With all the sympathy - it looks like you overlooked many thing s in the relationship. He may have not wanted kids but dragged a long like some men do. And he's passive aggressive. And maybe he sees you as a dependant, "work", and finds intimacy, comfort and friendship with that other woman. I'm not blaming you, I am just saying that for the price of a man and marriage a woman should not overlook some issues… you could have met someone else who was genuinely into you, have kids with you and not drag you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am a therapist. Many men experience a turmoil when their kids are born. Some of my patients suddenly see their wives ad domestic creatures, frumpy, tired and then they find more interest in intelligent, well dressed, funny co-workers. They overlook the fact that those women can also be homely when wearing pj's and dealing with their own kids, but it's some fantasy to take them away from whatever's wrong at home. That aside, seems like he wasn't too much into you and could have gotten into the relationship for so many reasons - getting away from another relationship, low self esteem, depression, seems like he was "doing you a favor" but as times passes, acting like a good husband becomes burdensome. I'd suggest counseling to both.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I read in an article in the paper that mentioned a Catholic School teacher had in her... 4 replies
- i know a catholic school teacher who was going to do ivf and school principal knew. there were no problems....
Talk : : November 04, 2009
I read in an article in the paper that mentioned a Catholic School teacher had in her contract that she was not allowed to use any artificial means of reproduction. Wow. That really blows me away. How would they find out and how far would they go to find out if they suspected?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.04.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag ]i know a catholic school teacher who was going to do ivf and school principal knew. there were no problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 01:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The school was obviously private and they wanted to cover their "we're super compliant Catholics" ass. Bunches of hypocrites but at least they can say they forbid it. Puke.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 05:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That sounds weird to me. Am Catholic and have never heard anyone speak against ART--many members of the church are open about using it. Birth control is another story! Has the pope or leadership ever spoken out against it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 05:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
That is crazy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 05:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 29 and TTC for the first time. No chance right? 11 replies
- 39 when I got pregnant (IVF though) - GL and have fun trying:-)...
Talk : : November 03, 2009
29 and TTC for the first time. No chance right?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.03.09, 12:55 PM [ Flag ]39 39! will repost
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i got pregnant at 40 for the first time. make an appt. with your ob/gyn and in th meantime get busy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 03:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Just got pregnant at 38, only a few months shy of 39. Didn't even take that long to try. I recommend reading TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR FERTILITY to help maximize your chances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 03:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Start using the ovulation kits as they will give you a better idea if it's you or your timing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 04:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]clearblue digital are really good, worth the 200 bucks or so. And you can give them to friend or sell on ebay afterwards
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 04:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I was 43!!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 04:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was 41 when I had last db
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 04:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]39 when I got pregnant (IVF though) - GL and have fun trying:-)
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 04:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wtf are you talking about?
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 05:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]why on earth no chance? unless you have issues, you should be fine. recommend the clear blue easy fertility monitor (not ovulation kit). I got pg first time using that twice, at 36 and 37. good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 05:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] qustion for ivf moms - did you do day 3 or day 5 transfer? if day 5, how many embryo... 4 replies
- With dd #1, we did 3 day transfer with 4 embryos - 2 implanted with heartbeats and 1 miscarried several days later. DD survived and was born on her due date. With dd #2, we did 3 day transfer with 4 embryos. 2 perfect kids, 1st try on each IVF - GOOD LUCK!...
Talk : : November 03, 2009
qustion for ivf moms - did you do day 3 or day 5 transfer? if day 5, how many embryos did you transfer back and did it work - single or twin?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.03.09, 11:55 AM [ Flag ]We did Day 3, got 8 embryos, transferred 2 (quality was 8-0 and 8-1) and froze the other 5. We have one DS and transferring 2 embryos via CET in 23 days!
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 12:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]With dd #1, we did 3 day transfer with 4 embryos - 2 implanted with heartbeats and 1 miscarried several days later. DD survived and was born on her due date. With dd #2, we did 3 day transfer with 4 embryos. 2 perfect kids, 1st try on each IVF - GOOD LUCK!
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]did your re give you the choice of waiting til day 5?
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 12:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, the protocol at the clinic is day 3.
[ Reply | Options ]11.03.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] IVF moms--how many days or weeks after transfer did you start exercising? What about ... 4 replies
Talk : : November 02, 2009
IVF moms--how many days or weeks after transfer did you start exercising? What about having sex? I had transfer one week ago and am nervous to start.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.02.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag ]why do you need to exercise? wait till you find out if your pg - just do a lot of walking
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 07:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Would you feel comfortable exercising as soon as you got a positive? What about sex? Thank you for the reply. I am new to this and feeling anxious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 08:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I was told no exercise or sex for the first trimester, but I have also had recurrent losses.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 08:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We've been through this 5 times (2dc) I thought they were very clear with instructions. No sex or heavy exercise until pg test. Done.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 08:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] what does it mean if your OB doesn't see any dominant follicles in your ovaries? (i'm... 4 replies
- Not sure. In IVF world it means your ovaries can't produce enough eggs. You are not ovulating? Should ask OB or see an RE....
Talk : : November 01, 2009
what does it mean if your OB doesn't see any dominant follicles in your ovaries? (i'm 39 and my period still not back yet 3 mos after stopping nursing)
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.01.09, 02:20 PM [ Flag ]anyone?
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 02:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ask the OB
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 02:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not sure. In IVF world it means your ovaries can't produce enough eggs. You are not ovulating? Should ask OB or see an RE.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 02:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it means that he doesn't see a follicle that will mature. You usually have one that will release each month - that is the egg that would get fertilized if you got pg or would be swept away with your period. So you're probably in the beginning of your cycle or stuck there or not ovulating yet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 03:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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