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We have a 19 year old son and he's back from college and his girlfriend is visiting us this weekend. We have a guest room and I was going to put her in there and DS wants her to sleep in his bed, saying that they've been doing it that way most nights at school. DH is leaning towards the sharing the bed. I am against it. What do you think?
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your house, your rules. It's not like they're 30. I remember going home w/college boyfriends, and I bet she'll actually be more comfortable around you guys if she doesn't sleep in the same bed as your son when she's there.
[ Reply | Options ]separate rooms. this is still your house and he needs to respect your rules. you are still the parent.
[ Reply | Options ]if they do it most nights at school a few apart out of respect for you can't be so hard.
[ Reply | Options ]Hey, if they want to play house, let them do it in their own house. Otherwise, they can be who they are, which are 2 individuals in a house who do not need to demonstrate their sexual relationship to everyone.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: thank you. DS did tell DH that they wouldn't have sex, but I don't know. Same bed, normones, DS wears underwear to bed. Too many things that lead to it. But it's the principle of them being in the same bed
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I remember my parents making my bf stay in a separate room and saying "when we were your age we had to sneak around, and so should you."
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Do you (AND DOES HE) hold him to the standards/responsibilities of an independent adult? That is your answer for yourself and your answer for him.
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He's home for the summer... Is he working? Does he help maintain the house or is he acting like a high school kid? You know when a 19 year old is behaving like an adult -- granted, he's in school so he is not doing the 9-5 grind but -- is he toeing the line?
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And is he responsible on the other accounts? I mean 19 is an adult whether we like it or not. If your sibling (his aunt/uncle) was in town with unmarried SO, you wouldn't make them split up, right? I say you get the kid you raise. Treat him like an adult and expect him to act like one. (But then again, my oldest is five so what the hell do I know?)
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I went to college with two brothers, one gay, one straight. The straight one brought home his longterm girlfriend, the gay one a recent fling during school break. THe parents let the gay brother share a bed with his 'friend'. THe straight brother and his girlfriend had to sleep in separate rooms. The straight brother ended up marrying the girlfriend--and she always resented the time her inlaws made HER sleep in a separate room. (Not sure what happened to the gay brother)
[ Reply | Options ]np: that's rather funny. I have a gay brother, and quite the opposite situation. Although neither of us was sleeping in the same bed w/our boyfriends when visiting from college, I had the option of growing up and getting married. Now my DH and I share a bed in my parents' home. My brother and his partner, OTOH, stay in a hotel when they visit, b/c my mom would NEVER put them in the same bed-- and they are 38 and 43.
[ Reply | Options ]That is a shame. I got a lot of insight into my mom when we shared morning coffee as adults. You should talk to her.
[ Reply | Options ]oh, I've got the insight. She makes no bones about her motivations. She's very religious and judgmental. She loves my brother to pieces and is better than those parents who reject their gay children outright, but she will not "accept gayness for him" or ever acknowledge the relationship in any respectful way. It's a shame, yes. But in my family, we pick our battles-- otherwise we'd have no relationship w/our parents.
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separate rooms knowing full well that your ds is going to sneak in there anyway in the middle of the night.
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