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  • Can someone please help me? 3 yo dd simply cannot stop hurting 16 mo ds. All day, if I turn my back for even 10 seconds, it's her pushing him down on his back, smacking him in the face, throwing things at him/his face, pinching his cheeks hard, lying on top of him, squeezing her legs around his neck ... I kid you not. We do not do this rough stuff ourselves, so I am really at a loss. Very serious and consistent time outs are not working. Is this normal? What would you do?

    27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    05.21.08, 01:33 PM [ Flag ]

    • sounds like she needs therapy

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      05.21.08, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • op: I never know if the replies on this board are serious, but assuming you are, I should add that she does not do this stuff with other kids, just her brother.

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        05.21.08, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • I'm serious, she seems to have very agressive/violent feelings for her brother and that isn't safe. i'm not saying she's mentally ill or anything like that but someone needs to get to the root of it and make her see it can and will seriously hurt him eventually.

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          05.21.08, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • sorry, you are so wrong.

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            05.21.08, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • No i'm not, i've BTDT. What do you think is wrong?

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              05.21.08, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

              • op: if you've BTDT, how did you get to the root of the problem?

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                05.21.08, 01:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                • A child therapist. My DS was trying to put his baby sister in the oven, alway slapping her, would get in her face and scream as loud as he could (till my ears hurt so imagine hers), etc.

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                  05.21.08, 01:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                  • hm. ok. the oven sounds a bit extreme, and the screaming as well. we haven't quite reached that fever pitch, maybe. so what did the therapist do?

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                    05.21.08, 01:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                    • spent time with him role playing/talking mostly. It took a few months total but he's never tried to hurt her again.

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                      05.21.08, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                      • ^^^and my examples don't sound any more serious than your example of your DD wrapping her legs around DS's neck and squeezing, she could choke him to death, my DS couldn't turn on the oven because the knobs were removed.

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                        05.21.08, 01:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • op: I don't know how anyone would get to the root of anything with a 3 yo. She's not exactly a sophisticate when it comes to expressing herself. Though I certainly wish I could.

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            05.21.08, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • We are having the same problem. I'd love to hear what others have done. GL!

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      05.21.08, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • rudolf dreikurs suggests that you give your older child opportunities to help you with the baby. lots of help. also, another suggestion is to baby the older child if that is what she wants, including spoon feeding her, putting her down to a nap when the infant goes to sleep, holding and rocking her. she will begin to hate it and wnat her indepenedecne again.

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      05.21.08, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • We had a bit of this for awhile. It seemed to help to let them be alone together, actually (I would usually eavesdrop or pretend I was busy but really watch). Once my older one got to like the little one, the acting out stopped a bit. I only see aggressive behavior like this now when #1 is really wanting my attention

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      05.21.08, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • op: thanks, but from what I've seen so far, it really would be like Lord of the Flies if I left them alone. that's when she acts the worst.

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        05.21.08, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • totally agree. the kid knows not to hurt them. try it, and do not act anxious about it. expect her to act kindly to her sib and she will. and NO TIME OUTS!!!!!!

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        05.21.08, 01:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • np: so she can choke/beat/whatever her brother and should get no punishment?

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          05.21.08, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • only discouraged children misbehave. this child is discouraged. her mother does not trust her to be kind to the baby.

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            05.21.08, 01:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • op: I don't understand this tactic. I'm saying she is extremely aggressive toward him when they're alone, and I'm being told to leave them alone more to work it out? This doesn't make sense to me. I'm not going to leave my 16 mo open to her antics.

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          05.21.08, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • that is part of the problem. you do not trust her. my suggestion is to read, "children the challenge" by rudolf dreikurs.

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            05.21.08, 01:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • OP, I'm with you. This sounds like one of those theories that sounds good, but can't be put into practice, esp. if it means endangering your 16 mo.

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            05.21.08, 02:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • SPANKING

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      05.21.08, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • op: oh geez, believe me I want to, but I just don't see how hitting a child teaches them not to hit others.

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        05.21.08, 01:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • positive reinforcement when she treats him well

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      05.21.08, 01:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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