new post »
see more posts »
Is being a SAHM mother the hardest job in the world? I'm writing an article and want to hear from you.
101 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]-
-
Sometimes it can be emotionally isolating, but it is much hard to get up go to work and then still have to care for a child.
[ Reply | Options ]np- i also think that it's fun and super easy compared to every otehr job that i ever had. it can be a bit isolating to be home at times but so are many jobs that are not in big, social, young offices. and i worked as a wall street attorney and changed careers into a more common industry outside law. broad internships behind me also. SAHM is not at all hardest job and it makes someone sounds so dysfunctional and pathetic to say that. how could anyone think it's hard? did they never really have a challenging true career?
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Someone is actually publishing a story with that hoary conceit? Well, they hired a lazy journo, so it makes sense they're pretty lazy themselves.
[ Reply | Options ]-
it's definitely a hard job ... but i am sure there are much harder... what defines making it the hardest job in the WORLD?
[ Reply | Options ]Good question. Among other reasons I've heard are the 24 hour nature of the job and the isolation. Do these make sense to you?
[ Reply | Options ]np. It is a 24hr job but you have the freedom to go out and meet up with other Moms so probably less isolating than working all day and then having to come home to care for kids. It is also one of the most rewarding jobs imo. To be honest I think this would be a pretty boring topic for a book.
[ Reply | Options ]By the looks of the social circle of SAHMs at dc's pre-K. I would say isolation is not the major issue.
[ Reply | Options ]I WOH. Do you think I get to put my feet up and relax as soon a I leave the office? I still have to get up at 3 AM for nightmares and upset stomachs.
[ Reply | Options ]Ok, here's my two cents. and i've done both. When you are earning your living doing something you have financial reward, positive feedback from your employer and respect from your peers. It's not the day itself that's so "hard". It's draining and repetitive and the truth is NO matter what you did in your former life, that doesn't carry over. No one even asks what you used to do. It levels the playing field and not in the best way.
[ Reply | Options ]
it's not the hardest (whatever that means), but just very tedious and people tend to overparent, which is why you hear so many complaints. an intelligent adult isn't meant to spend all day, everyday doing activities meant for a toddler.
[ Reply | Options ]-
np. only if you think all teachers do is play with toddlers all day. I think there might be slightly more to their jobs than that. So who is the DA
[ Reply | Options ]np- teachers of pre-school do not do any more than i do with DB other than they juggle a bunch of db's at once.
[ Reply | Options ]You are an idiot. PreK teachers have to have a lesson plan. They have to ensure that each child is learning and progressing. It is not just play time.
[ Reply | Options ]New to this thread but must concur and add more. As someone who works in a preschool and has 3 DCs, I can tell you that working at school is much harder and requires preparation, patience (it's one thing to deal with your DC, another to deal with 6 others who aren't yours), manage unruly behavior that is all over the map (wide range of normal), neurotic parents, and agency demands. You are kidding yourself if you think it is the same as being with one, just multiplied a bit. With one, you can zone out or answer the phone and watch him/her play. You cannot do that in preschool/toddler program.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
from ME? You want to hear from little ol' ME? Wow. This is my first interview with a real journalist, so I'm a little nervous.... Will my picture be in the article? Do you want pictures of my kids? We went to glamour shots last week so I could email you some darling ones...
[ Reply | Options ]-
The thing that makes it hard to me is the fact that you have so little time to do what you want. I was older when I had DD so had a good 20 years or so of basically doing what I wanted in my off time. When I had DD, suddenly there was no "off" time. The 24/7 ness of it is the hard part, and that is there whether you WOH or SAH. If you SAH however, you don't get lunch breaks etc. If you WOH you at least get a little time here and there where you aren't focused on DB
[ Reply | Options ]-
I understand but naptime is always tentative. It's not like I can say "I have 30 mintues to do what I want - listen to loud music in the car, go to a cafe and have lunch, go to the park, run errands" etc. I have to sit quietly and UB or read etc. You are right that I get breaks, but it's not the same as having an hour lunch break. I can sleep though! ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]
WOM mom here, what part of my day (any day) do I do what I want? oh and I do not get lunch breaks at work and am surrounded by others 24/7. I do not get time to myself when the baby is napping. Can you honestly tell me you NEVER sit and watch tv? I haven't watched tv in 5mth since my return to work. I'm so sick and tired of hearing SAHMs argue that WOH moms get time to themselves. You have the luxury of closing your eyes and not thing about finances. Just say thank you and STFU
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Totally depends on the kids, age of kids, wealth of mom, level of dedication and involvement of mom. Support and respect from the DH is key too. I see SAHMs I think are Mother Theresa. I see SAHMs that are nothing more than pampered princesses with a gym addiction.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel like SAHM is challenging because it's a circle of catch 22s. The judgment, the judging (you feel like you are being judged; you judge others). The assuming, the assumptions (everyone assumes you have all the free time in the world; you assume that other people can't possibly be as busy as you). The fatigue, the energy (you are tired yet you feel like you can't get stuff done til after kids are in bed so you stay up late. The past, present and future - your style can be a result of your past, you worry about what you are doing in the present that will impact your dcs in the future.
[ Reply | Options ]Nap Breaks? Nap Breaks! You must be joking. That's fine if you want/need to work, but to condescend like that to SAHM is disgusting. Staying at home is hardly all about chit-chatting with other mothers and drinking coffee. It's a job; just like everything else. Except, you keep doing the same thing all day long. When you go to work you switch tasks and get pulled in other directions — admittedly stressful when you have a child at home. Being a mom is tough whether you work or not. There's no need to be so bitchy. Find another way to make yourself feel better.
[ Reply | Options ]yes. having worked really hard on my career for many years and now sah, yes it is the hardest job I've ever had in every way. some of us have it a lot easier than others though--resources, dh's, support, etc. I can't complain.
[ Reply | Options ]How completely perspective-free. Being an SAHM if you have the privileges that most UB moms have? Please. How about living in a war-zone, not having enough to eat, for God's sake, read the front page of the NYT if you need any clue on what the hardest jobs in the world are. Really. Such self-congratulation and utter lack of perspective on what you have is almost a parody.
[ Reply | Options ]Depends on the kid you get. For me, it was challenging but most rewarding, and I loved taking a break from career. I have a friend with a special needs kid, for her, it was really, really hard, and not that rewarding, but much more important. My kid would've been fine in daycare or with a nanny, hers really needed her, and she got much less positive reinforcement than I did (her child is progressing, but not in a typical way; things I took for granted are hard fought for her child).
[ Reply | Options ]as a sn mom I cringed a little when I read this. I hear what you are saying and my sn dc is more work with less reward in the sense you talk about but he is more rewarding in other ways. My sn dc has more paperwork, doc visits ect than my nt dcs but I worry just as much about all my kids sn or nt. There also are some good parts to being a sn sah - there is a wonderful community, I have a team of great therapists to help with any parenting issue. I guess I don't want someone to feel sorry for me or my dc. He has a great life + is happy and so am I.
[ Reply | Options ]
I do believe its very hard but only because of the worked involved but because of all the sacrifices you make. I have 3 kids and a masters degree. I decided to be a sahm. My husband constantly travels so i am alone most of the time. Its not easy. The hardest not sure because I havent experienced everything else but it is the least selfish.
[ Reply | Options ]Mom who said nap break mom was condescending - it was a response to someone who insinuated that WOHMs had so much more time to themselves because they get lunch breaks!
[ Reply | Options ]NP - the only thing that makes being a SAHM situation bearable is looking at it as if it is a job, just as we did when we were in an office. While of course a Mom is emotional and loves her children, the fact is that childcare is a job and if you're steady and reliable at it, it's the most rewarding job there is because you're rearing beautiful individuals for the world. At least, that's the fairytale I told myself every night after I worked at taking care of my dd all day and then all night if she woke up sick. It's hard, but if a Mom commits to being at home, then you do it, and often with more than one, and with no help, just as Moms have been doing it for ages. I stayed home with dd and raised a lovely young woman and I know I was responsible for it, and I'm proud.
[ Reply | Options ]
Every post here seems to assume "hard" = "more virtuous"... I LOVE being a SAHM and yes, I consider it a privilege-- we live in Manhattan on a blue collar city worker income, so I'm not a "typical UB SAHM" in that way, but we certainly have it easier than the majority, regardless. I also have a very supportive, family-oriented dh who does the cooking and grocery shopping. I do find being a SAHM in my situation easier in many ways than working outside the home-- it's also *infinitely* more fulfilling, literally a joy every day, and I am filled with gratitude that my dd is in my life. My relationship with her is paramount, and I feel the best way for me to nurture that relationship is to know her and understand her intimately the way I do as the person who sees her go through her days. I don't need points for doing the "hardest job in the world" and I couldn't care less who thinks I'm lazy. Just my 2 cents...
[ Reply | Options ]...the person who sees her through her days. I don't need to be recognized as having the "hardest job in the world", and I actually think that's condescending. It doesn't have to be "the hardest" to be the most rewarding... Call me lazy, I really don't care... Not everyone wants to do it, nor should they have to. If we really valued motherhood as a "profession", we'd make it easier as a society for women to stay home if they wanted to. Maybe because its undervalued, the correction is to overstate how "hard" it is. It isn't "hard" (or harder than a job), it *is* important.
[ Reply | Options ]
Of course not, what other job do you get hugs and kisses all day? Where do you get to directly see the fruits of your labor grow in front of your eyes? What other job requires you to take time out each day and just play and goof around? Of course it has its issues but there are millions of worse jobs out there.
[ Reply | Options ]I would not say hardest. I think a full time SAHM with little kids (not kids in school all day) requires a physical and mental toughness like an endurance athlete. I've SAH and WAH and neither are the hardest job, they are different.
[ Reply | Options ]WELL IT CERTIANLY IS HARDER THAN BEING A BOARD WHORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]the whole crap about SAHMs being so hard is nonesense. Its the sacrifices of being a mother that make your life difficult but don't pretend for one second that your life is more difficult than a mother who has to also work full time. I don't get to shop, get coffee w/ friends, observe a play date, but still have to do the household chores when I get home from my full time job and try to get in as much time w/ my sweet baby. If I were priveledged enough to stay home I'd say thank you to my husband and thats it.
[ Reply | Options ]I think "being a mother" is the hard thing no matter you are SAHM or WOHM. Both have different ups and downs. To me, becoming a mom posed the biggest challenge in my life. It's tough, irritating, yet rewarding and worth the pain. I just have so much respect to all the moms out there :-)
[ Reply | Options ]It depends on how much help you have. The majority of the SAHM at our preschool have huge staffs of baby sitters working around the clock and on weekends taking care of their kids so they can go to the gym, get their nails done and lead the life they had before they got married. I wouldn't compare that life to a SAHM who has to do all of the child care work herself.
[ Reply | Options ]Anyone who thinks taking care of a healthy child is the hardest job in the world has never had to care for some one chronically ill or dying. If you think changing a baby's diaper is gross, try changing your mother's diaper. IMO the people who work in hospice have, if not the hardest, one of the hardest jobs in the world. Taking care of small children can be difficult but the ability to watch your children develop and thrive is a blessing.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm gonna say being a soldier stationed overseas is #1 on the shit list. My kids have been away for three days and I miss them. I can't imagine 1 year rotations.
[ Reply | Options ]There are so many backbreaking jobs in this world, it seems insane to ask this question. It's not even the hardest job I've ever had (and like you, I'm a journalist) and still, it's utterly draining at times. I think for some people it's excruciating to parent all day. You really can't compare it to a real job. Real jobs can't make you happy the way being a parent can.
[ Reply | Options ]I think it's hard on SAH parents who also have freelance lives - it's a mistake to think you can do that kind of work when taking care of a child and the home. It's either done at 5am or 10pm and hence an exhausting life. Or you have to pay a sitter so that you can work. Or squeeze it into tiny pockets of time. Forget about any time for yourself - like the gym or other personal needs. Or, doing that with the child in tow requires twice the effort. So, a SAH parent who has nothing else going on in their lives except maybe a bookclub or church group, can handle focusing their energy only on family, but for someone with a life in the world, being home all day is a challenge.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
UrbanBaby Asks...
Which do you think is the best place to raise children?
Already voted? View Results
