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I'm the OP who recently posted about my nanny going into my room and using my eyelash curler and jacket w/o asking me. Although we trust her with our 1yo db, and he seems to adore her, those incidents opened up a big questionmark in my head. We decided to get a nannycam but havent had time to do it yet and did not confront about that yet (I know, I probably should have by now). Figured we would let it pass for now while we checked out what would happen with the nannycam. Well, today she brought her 11yo daughter with her since there was no school and they went to the museum -- great. Well, her daughter let it slip that they went to see an IMAX movie at the museum with my 1yo son. This really pisses me off, as I dont allow TV right now for him, let alone an IMAX movie. She had to know that was wrong. I dont want to confront her while her daughter is over, but will say something tomorrow morning. Any suggestions on how to approach this? All of these little things are making me wonder about what she is up to all day... TIA
59 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Yes, I would approach her tomorrow morning and in a very straight and direct way say: I am incredibly uptight and controlling, I think way too much about activities concerning a 1 yo, and I need some sort of hobby to keep me from detailing the state of my makeup, are you sure you want to continue working here?
[ Reply | Options ]You can just tell her that you consider IMAX a form of TV and don't feel your DC should be watching TV at this age. Bring it up nicely and just ask that next time she checks in with you before doing anything not on the approved to-do list. At the end of the day it's your comfort level. I personally wouldn't take issue with my nanny taking my 1-yo to an IMAX, but that's my own opinion.
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I am surprised by the responses you received op! If my nanny had this behavior I would confront her and dismiss her from her job. There are plenty of more reliable nannies out there. Your db is only 1 so it shouldnt be difficult for a new nanny to form a relationship with him. get rid of her and find a new one. I would be appalled if my nanny brought her child without asking me first (though one of the reasons I hired my nanny was bc she didnt have young children and therefore would not have that conflict) and a IMAX movie is not for a 1 year old. Your nanny works to take care of your child. that is her job.
[ Reply | Options ]thanks -- i am surprised to have elicited such vitriol myself. Her daughter said that the usher at the IMAX questioned them bringing my db in and warned that he might get scared but they did it anyway and he did start crying in the middle. I just think it shows poor judgment and I know she would not have told me if hr daughter hadnt let it slip. It just rubs me the wrong way.
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Ignore the flamers on here. Sounds to me like you're just not comfortable with your babysitter. If you are concerned and spending time worrying about her, she's not the person for you. I had a nanny like this and didn't realize there might actually be someone better out there. Start again with someone whom you trust, and lay down your rules straight away, clearly and simply. There are TONS of good nannies looking for work right now. I know of several.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm not sure it's about this nanny. I think the OP is just not comfortable with her role as the employer of a (any) nanny. She's permissive on the one hand (letting the nanny bring her DD) and controlling on the other (freaking out over the IMAX) and has got to be sending out mixed messages to the nanny about what is or isn't acceptable.
[ Reply | Options ]You witchy SAHMS are trying to antagonize this poor woman for having a shtty nanny. Shame on you. Nanny should not have brought her kid to work or taken baby to museum. End of story! Ignore the other posters. They are just not happy with their own decisions.
[ Reply | Options ]I am NOT a SAHM and responded negatively above to OPs post. To be a WOHM you need to understand there are limits to what the nanny will do as opposed to what you would do and chalk it up to not being a big deal. Her DC was not harmed nothing sustaining its not a big deal. OP needs to relax or work another way to raise her DC
[ Reply | Options ]WOHM and strongly disagree. I actually expect my nanny to do more than I do with my kids. The reason is I am burdened with a lot of extra chores like cleaning, laundry, preparing dinner, etc. while nanny's sole job is taking care of DS. I find it outrageous that the same people who post that they pat $15+/hr also say that the bar is so low that if the baby is not harmed, OP should not complain.
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I'm the OR ("I'm not sure it's about this nanny") and I'm a WOHM. I have no idea whether the OP's nanny is good or bad from what she wrote. But it's 100% clear that the OP isn't comfortable managing the nanny she has, and getting someone else isn't going to fix that. She needs to be clearer with herself what her rules and expectations are, what she needs in order to feel comfortable, etc.
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Didn't I tell you the first time to fire this woman? What more do you need to know? I should have listened when people (here esp.) told me to fire my nanny. SO GLAD I finally wisened up and did. Have someone so much lovelier now. You don't have to employ someone like this. It is a job, not an obligation.
[ Reply | Options ]It seems your nanny (unless the weather suddenly turned inclement) should not be using your clothing and makeup. I see this as unsanitary as well as being a boundary issue. Does she come from a different culture where such things are acceptable? The IMAX in the museum is more of a gray area since it isn't TV or even a full length movie. Because one can't second guess everything that might come up, I'd say if she is a good and loving nanny for your child, clarify your boundaries and give her a second chance. But if you still cant trust her, let her go.
[ Reply | Options ]I am quite surprised to see so many negative comments. I would totally tell my nanny that babysitting my 1 year old and doing what's in HIS best interests is her job and what she is getting paid for. IMAX, in my view, is not in the best interests of a 1 year old, a walk in the park would be. After all, when I come to my job, with or without my kids, I am expected to carry on with my responsibilities, not go entertain my DD who tagged along for the lack of childcare arrangements.
[ Reply | Options ]Here's the best advice I can possibly offer: If your db were a 2nd child and had an older sibling, would you still be as strict about stuff like this? Would you take the baby out of the room if the older one were watching TV? Would you refuse to take your older one to IMAX because you have a rule about the baby watching TV? Answer honestly? Personally, I think you're being very rigid and short-sighted.
[ Reply | Options ]Okay, I usually think the nannies on this board have it tough, but I don't get the hostility toward OP this time. Nanny using personal effects is pretty invasive, IMO. Imax not SUCH a big deal, though it along with previous infractions would be enough for me to question nanny's judgment. You do have to be careful about which IMAX movies you choose because they can be realistic and a little frightening to a young child. I wouldn't even take my 3yo to see the dinosaur one for fear of scaring him. Signed WAHM.
[ Reply | Options ]I'd only be upset about the IMAX movie because the 1 year old could be annoying other movie watchers with wailing and crying, i.e. what would bother me is inconsideration to others and my baby unhappy in a dark room with loud movie noise. Sounds to me OP's nanny was looking for activities that suited her 11 yo rather than her 1yo charge on paid time - which is legitimately annoying.
[ Reply | Options ]I think the thing about the eyelash curler and clothes is a MUCH bigger deal -- op needs to set boundaries. But it is also true that there is no one, right nanny out there. I let my beloved nanny go when DC's were 1 and 2 and thought the world would fall apart, but the next one was even better, as was the next one three years later. I think not only do you get better at picking/being an employer, but the children's needs change, and with a change of nanny you have a chance to accomodate that. Don't be afraid to make a change -- both your child and you will survive just fine...
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ok OP, I dont think you are making a mountain out of mowhill with the imax thing, I get what you are saying. but if you dont trust this woman and are putting up nannycams to try to catch her using your frekin mascara, dnt you think it might be time to start looking for s/o who you CAN trust? obviously you guys are not a good match. WADR, you seem a bit overbearing and controlling, and she seems like she is perhaps "abusing" the fact that you are not home, to "parent" how SHE sees fit. you guys are not a great match. let her go, and find s/o new.
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I agree. Your nanny should be telling you everything they went on during the day. Taking your child to an IMAX movie is an important event to mention whether she likes it or not. I think you need a new nanny. I too am a control freak, but my nanny and I get along great, because she tells me everything, as she should. It's my daughter for crying out loud! I agree with the last post nanny cam = mistrust. Though I'm sure every woman with a nanny is curious. They are all lying if they say they are not!
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OOOOH gotta have a tough skin around here...no hearts and bunnies or flowers available! Forget the smug self-important bitches who dont have to decency to give a real answer. Im a working mom to 4 kids and altho I dont have a nanny I can understand your worries. Get the nanny cam...DO NOT put her on the defensive by telling her what you know about her doings. Let the nannycam reveal what she is really like. THen you will either trust her more or fire her ass. That is what I would do!
[ Reply | Options ]I would ave fired her for going into my room and using my stuff. That is totally unacceptable and if she doesn't know that then you have to question her judgment. I would never take a 1yo to the cinema or IMAX because of the volume of the show not for any other reason. I would not employ your nanny. If you need a nanny cam you need a new nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]OP here -- just came back to look at these and really appreciate the wide range of answers -- both supporting me and challenging me -- that I got here after that initial smackdown I received. Whatever you may think, I really was not looking for a particular answer and do think that many of you made good points about my challenges as an employer of a nanny and setting boundaries, and what potentially setting up a nannycam says about our larger situation. So thank you all.
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