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  • No flames please - I have a demanding job, work 10-14 hours a day. I have no choice as I'm the breadwinner. Most days, I see my 1 yr old for 20-40 minutes/day. While I stayed at home with him for the first 6 months, I don't feel like I'm bonding enough with dc. How do you bond with your 1 yr old?

    14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    11.13.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag ]

    • Let your child take the lead. My dd will walk around and bring us books she wants to read, toys she wants to play. Just sit on the floor and let her come to you.

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      11.13.09, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Is there any way you can modify your schedule? Come home for lunch? Go into work late/come home early one day a week? Is your partner home with the child or at least have a more flexible schedule?

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      11.13.09, 09:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Another WOHM here so you'll get no flames from me. In my own experience, the interaction with a 1 yr old tends to still be very labour/care intensive (feeding, cleaning, diapering etc) so actual bonding opportunities are limited even if you are there all day long. Not to say that you don't have bonding moments during routine care of your child but it's not like the type of moments you will have when your child is older. I would just make the most of the 20-40 mins you DO have with your child and realize there will be times in the future to continue to cement your relationship. This is the reality of your current situation so no use in beating yourself up about it. Like many things, parenting is a marathon... not a sprint. Good luck!

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      11.13.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • you can't bond with your child, i'm sorry to say, if you only see him for 20-40 minutes a day. you're not the one who provides nurturing, security, care or even fun, sad to say. it's a reality you have to accept. if you can't accept it, then change your demanding work life very soon. you say you're the breadwinner - does your dh stay home and raise ds? in a way, that is not so bad as they'll have a special bond, but if a caregiver is with ds, i don't know what to say. i couldn't do it that way.

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      11.13.09, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • develop a special hello and goodbye routine, maybe with a song.

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      11.13.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • You do what you can and make sure that the time you do have you are totally present (no blacberrying, etc. on the side). You do the best you can and be as consistent as possible in terms of the time of day you do spend w/ dc. I know: it's really hard to be a full-time working mom. I feel for you.

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      11.13.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Can you adjust your schedule or your DS's so that you have more time during the week? My workday + commute is also around 12 hours. My DC have always stayed up until 8/9pm, so we have time together in the evenings. (They took a later afternoon nap when they were younger, we had them in afternoon preschool and kindergarten so they didn't have to get up early in the morning.)

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      11.13.09, 09:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • make sure whoever is doing the caregiving during the day takes care of all the "dirty work" so that you can spend the entire 20 - 40 minutes reading, playing, singing or whatever. I assume you make the most of the weekends?

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      11.13.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Not sure. I see DS for four hours a day and I can't figure this out. He seems perfectly content to play by himself. I try to engage him as much as I could but he loves independent play.

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      11.13.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Have you considered co-sleeping? I think there definitely is bonding going on when they can smell your scent all night. My husband works a ton and loves to sleep with our young kids for this reason.

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      11.13.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • My 18 mo ADORES my dh right now. He's all play and fun- I'm the boring one who stays at home and makes lunch and changes diapers. There will be phases when you will be the person he loves the most, just wait.

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      11.13.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • would co sleeping work for you? or bring him in the bed at 4-5 am? helps a lot with my kids

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      11.13.09, 11:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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