[-]My almost 22 year-old cat is dying right now - she's laying next to me, bundled in a blanket - she can't move and her eyes have been fixed for hours on end now. She hasn't eaten or had anything to drink all day, as far as I can tell (she's been doing all her pees and poops on the floor and there haven't been any accidents today so ... ) She's dying. I'm keeping a vigil, wont sleep until she goes ... I've written about her on UB before - I'm going to miss her - I've had her since she was a kitten. I had ds (6 1/2 yo) say goodbye to her before he went to sleep tonight because it'd be a miracle if she were to live until morning. Poor thing can't even move right now. And her breathing is fading too.
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OP: I know ... I thought she died right now, as I was typing - I turned to look at her and didn't see her breathing at all - she's still breathing, but barely. What am I supposed to do with her once she dies?, we plan on burying her in our backyard but that wont be until morning. Stupid question, I know, but do I just let her lay there, wrapped in her blanket until morning?
[ Reply | Options ]np: I would wrap her in a pillow case and put her in a box (in the garage, if you have one). Bury her in the morning. I am sorry for your loss and have to say you are lucky that at least she is dying peacefully at home with you.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: thanks - she started going down hill, fast, last week. I was struggling with whether or not to put her to sleep but she wasn't in any pain or anything, her body/mind just started giving way ... I'm sad but also happy that I can hold her through this, until the end. I'm so scared to even type right now, scared she's going to stop breathing while I'm typing.
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You are incredibly strong to be there like this. She has had a long, wonderful life with you - 22 years...AMAZING. She will have a joyful time at Rainbow Bridge until you find her once again.
[ Reply | Options ]i'm sorry. that is an amazing life for a cat. we lost our cat last year and we miss her still. she died in her sleep next to her food bowl while we were sleeping in the other room. in the morning, after crying a lot, we called our vet. dh brought the cat over in a box and they took care of cremation. we got her ashes about a week or two later. best wishes.
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Pleae help this newly-middle class mom plan a regular birthday party in NYC. 5th birthday, need to invite 14 girls. Last year when we had money we did the big, overblown "Kids Club" style party for over a thousand dollars. Now I need something the children will enjoy without breaking the bank. I'd prefer not to do it in my home, but if that is the only way to afford this then I'll have to suck it up. Can those of you who think my extravagant party last year was ridiculous give me input on a nice, fun party for under $500? TIA.
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[-]Someone talk me down. I am slowly freaking out. My 4 yo is undergoing surgery in less than a week. She will be under for 3 hours. I don't know what I will do with myself during that time. has anyopne had experience with their child undergoing surgery? Can youtell me about it? We are going to Schneider's Children's Hospital. Thanks.
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Can you find a very steady friend to sit with you and pray (even if you are nonreligious)? Someone who is a rock?
[ Reply | Options ]My husband and parents will be with me. I just can't even think about it wothout crying and I hope I can be stronger then.
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My ds had surgery at 7 months and it is hard. Generally (I don't know about Schneiders), you get to go in to the operating room with dc and hold her while she goes under (then they hustle you out). There are pediatric anesthesiologists who specialize in kids, who are great --- I am sure you will have one, although you could check with your surgeon in advance if it would make you feel better. Don't be scared when you are taken to post op -- kids coming out of general are sometimes upset, but usually calm down very quickly. The hospital staff takes special care with kids, IMO, and treat you very well and understand how hard it is for parents.
[ Reply | Options ]You may have already been warned about this but just be aware that watching her wake up after surgery will probably be the most horrible part for you. My ped warned me about this when my 2.5yo had surgery and it was very true. The surgery lasted about 90 minutes and while that was nerve-wracking, the misery of watching her immediately post-surgery was much greater. The important thing to keep in mind is that your dd needs to have this surgery, and you just have to manage to get through it. She's going to be fine, and you can spoil her rotten afterwards! (Do you want to say what kind of surgery she's having?)
[ Reply | Options ]Not OP, but why was it so hard watching her wake up? I heard from my brother that it was hard watching his ds be put to sleep for surgery.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: When children come out of anaesthesia, they thrash around, scream and moan like they are having the worst nightmare of their lives. They cannot be comforted. Then, suddenly, they're fine and have no memory of the apparent terror. The parent, however, needs a valium. OP, my advice to you is to line up some post-surgery valium!
[ Reply | Options ]OMG that sounds frightening. I would have a hard time with that. I had no idea of this. Does this also happen with adults? (I have had 3 surgeries involving general myself but obviously no awareness of this)
[ Reply | Options ]that did not happen when my 3 yo had a hernia surgery. he did not have any problem when he woke out of the anaesthesia. it might not happen with OPs child. I remember the doctor commented he thought my dc did well bc we were very reassuring when he went under. I held his hand and spoke calmly and put on a fake, no-worries expression and dc accepted it and was not too scared. Who knows if that had anything to do with him coming out of the anaesth. in a relaxed way. we will never know, but OP just do your best to act relaxed and confident with your dc before the surgery and then again after, and hope for the best. best wishes and big gl from me.
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I am in exactly the same position, although my dd is younger. I can't imagine the actual time in the waiting room or the anesthesia. I'm am actually sick to my stomach thinking about it. I don't have any advice, except to keep focused on the fact that everyone involved has the same goals - a happy and healthy child and that this too will pass. At least that is what everyone is telling me. I spontaneously break into tears while walking home from dropping my dc off at school. Sorry for your pain. Really.
[ Reply | Options ]my daughter had surgery right before she turned 2 at Boston Children's hospital. I was so anxious about. I was taking xanax for months. The day of her surgery, the doctors were so nice and comforting. I walked her in to the operating room and held her while they put the mask on her face to put her to sleep. the nurses were reading her "goodnight moon" while this was going on. I am not going to lie, it was the hardest day, and I just paced the floor while I waited for her to come out of surgery. Schneider's is an excellent hospital and i am sure you have a great team of doctors. Just stay strong and you will get through it. by the way, my daughter's surgery was over 4 hours. When my daughter woke up, she was out of it, but they rebound fa...
[ Reply | Options ]what kind of surgery? ive btdt 4 times with ds. in my experience, it helped not to have extra people around. i found when my parents, il's were there, it added more pressure to the situation, fuels the tensions and chaos. much calmer when just me and dh. bring something to keep occupied. dumb reading, nothing heavy.
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[-]This summer my combative and depressed-but-in-denial and selfish mother really got into it with my husband. The result of this fight (which she picked) was that I did not speak to her or my father for over a month, which has NEVER happened. She got the message, she and my husband have exchanged letters, but I'm still mad as hell. And you know what? I'm actually really happy I am. I used to be SO afraid of conflict and used to placate her. She has just pushed me to my limit. I don't feel like I used to, and I really and truly feel like I'm not going to put up with it anymore.
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[-]As per our Principal (in the Newsletter): "(we have) inadequate room for even fundamental operations. Teachers are working out of closets instead of having classrooms!...horrifically overcrowded"
54 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I think more "..." and "!" should have been used although I appreciate the use of the ever election-hot word "fundamental" and trendy "horrifically"
[ Reply | Options ]All the UMC people are targeting 8 zoned schools for their kids - so these 8 schools have become "horrifically" overcrowded. Next year it's going to get much worse when people will not be willing/able to spend $35K a year for crappy privates like CGPS and Trevor
[ Reply | Options ]ironic - the public schools are good, more people want to go, they get better, more people want to go, they get crowded.
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I actually wasn't looking to blame anyone. I look at the positive - nyc public schools are not the hell holes that some described.
[ Reply | Options ]Unfortunately with 34 DCs per classroom (and 1 teacher), the quality of teaching/learning has really suffered
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This is poor planning on part of principal. First -- 34 kids x 3 classes is 102 kids. You could easily have 4 size classrooms @ 25 kids/class. Our school does that easily. If you don't have the extra classroom, then the principal should DEFINITELY hire aids for all the classrooms, since he/she is saving that money that would be spent for an extra classroom teacher. It really is a matter of good management.
[ Reply | Options ]and money. not all schools have an active pta that donates enough money for such things.
[ Reply | Options ]But my point is that this shouldn't be PTA money. Schools get money per pupil. If the classes have 34 kids instead of 25, the school is spending less money on teachers, so should have more for other things. Our PTA doesn't pay for teachers, but principal still manages to keep class sizes low.
[ Reply | Options ]What school? If its ps40 you have arguably the best principal in nyc. If its another school, you may very well have a class size grant that help $$ - if you have a zone like 234 or 41, you can't have a small class size grant - too many children and not enough classrooms. You can't pull one out of the sky. for you to say that it is strictly a "management" problem is incorrect. Nothing is as simple as that.
[ Reply | Options ]^^^sorry -- too rich to qualify for Title I funding. What I am saying is that if your school is so overcrowded that it has alot of 34 kid classrooms, it is saving money on teacher salaries. So if there's no physical space to reduce class size by hiring more teachers, that teacher salary money should be used to hire aides. Ask your principal where that money is going. Is she claiming that the DOE only budgets for teachers to have 34 kid classrooms. Not true.
[ Reply | Options ]You're right it's not management. The DOE controls the principal. PS 40's principal isn't the best though, she runs a tight ship and gets good scores and brings in a bunch of fancy extras to make herself look good. She's not good with kids, she's terrible with her teachers, it's a rote institutional place now.
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yes, some prefer a progressive school. that doesn't mean it's as good as 41. people who choose 41 do so because test scores are higher, it has a better track record with top middle schools and the amount of fundraising means better enrichment. all things that people value in a k-5. ps 41 is one of the top 6 or 7 public k-5 schools in the city. ps 3 is slightly lower (i would put 89 in that group as well).
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this is manhattan only, of course. there are a number of desirable publics in the other boroughs too. and in manhattan you're forgetting ps3, ps11, and ps116.
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212 and 150 are NOT zoned schools. I mentioned zoned schools and NO the GenEd PS11 is not desirable at all, even the PS11 G&T is not nearly as desirable as the top zoned schools in NYC
[ Reply | Options ]goodness. I know many families that desire ps11 g&t. You simply run with a different crowd.
[ Reply | Options ]I know very happily families at PS11 and they fit your demographics. but you're the expert, I guess!
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you're the one who is dreaming. i live in the zone and know plenty of people there. the g&t is good. it's not as good as the best gen eds in the city. in d2, including citiwides, my list would go something like this: anderson, lower lab, 234/41, nest, 116/40, 3/11g&t/89, 130, 124.
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[-]Best stroller for twin newborns in NYC? Not side-by-side. Also what other "must haves" are there for twins? (This is for a friend-- I'm giving her general advice and guidance but don't know what might be different with multiples.) Also are there any good websites for twin advice going forward? TIA!
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]For newborns? I would go with a Graco DuoGlider and plug a car seat into each seat. There is also a Peg Perego model (Duette) but I am not sure if you want to spend that much money.
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I am very sure the Jane has been discontinued. The P&T is pure genius. It does have a couple of flaws (especially how to get the baby into and out of the rear seat easily) but it's been a great solution for us. The best part is (and I've seen that around here) is if you have a preschooler he can sit right in front on top of the front wheel. What other stroller can accommodate three children in such compact form?
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I have 2 sets of twins. For the first set (they're now 5) we used the graco duoglider (the peg perego was unecesarily expensive and didnt fold as well). We had to take of the hoods and front bar to fit in into some trunks but the basket was amazing and I loved that I could use it after they grew out of the car seats. However, when the twins were 1 the wheels started falling off and I prefered my maclaren so we got rid of it. I also have 2 single maclarens that I love. We bought the triumphs because they fold tiny, have the carry strap and lean back a bit. For my second set of twins (they're 8 months old) we got the baby trend double snap n go for the car seats. It folds tiny and is really lightweight, so easy to use, and great basket...
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[-]So crazy....I just sat down and estimated how much we spend each year. $300,000!!!! Insane, insane, insane....And I don't even live an "opulant" life. Biggest monthly expenses: Mortgage is 8 grand. Apartment Maintenance is 1400. We park two cars for 1200 and lease one for 400. Then basics like phone, cable and con ed, food, TUITION for one kid, part time nanny, cleaning lady once a week...we go out to dinner on the weekends and hire a sitter but we never take vacations...I dress DD in Old Navy and Gymboree...I probably spend too much on cosmetics and stuff from Duane Reade...this seems so out of whack from our reality but this is what it is. 300 Grand. Jesus. We're gonna have to tighten our belts and make some cuts.
130 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Wow 8 grand! How much did your place costs originally? What does the maintenance include (I've always been curious)?
[ Reply | Options ]it was 6 grand for the first few years fixed but now it's adjusted. It's a big place...we bought for over 2 mil and mortgaged (I think) 1.2 mil. Before that we were renting for 5 grand/month. Maintenance is just to keep the property maintained including property taxes, boiler running, super and porter paid, elevator repairs, electricity for common spaces...you know, the basic maintenance of the property. It's not a doorman building. No perks like a gym or pool.
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It's not a matter of opulence, but it sounds like you didn't set out to live as frugally as possible and now see the reality. Can you get by with one car? Go out to eat less often? Have the cleaning lady only twice a month? Only shop sales at Old Navy & Gymboree?
[ Reply | Options ]yes to all but the car. DH is out of town with his all day and I am not comfortable without one. But perhaps we could park one on the street to avoid parking fees.
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OP: No, I'm not. It's a safety issue for me. I want to be able to flee if I need to.
[ Reply | Options ]You should probably re think that. It's nyc traffic, you would be far more likely to get out on public transpo - ferry, water taxi etc.
[ Reply | Options ]Not in this particular situation. Safe Haven is NW connecticut. No water taxi, train, etc. Five minutes to get over the bridge and out. We've really looked at it from all angles. The key is, I need to stret park. The more we discuss it here the more I'm certain of it. We would be saving over a grand a month.
[ Reply | Options ]Good luck to get out of the city at all by car in case of a disaster. The first thing the city shuts down are the bridges for car traffic. You are better off parking that second car of yours some where outside Manhattan (maybe New Jersey or The Bronx).
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I do take public trans or walk most of the time. Car is mostly for leaving the city.
[ Reply | Options ]Why two cars in the city? You know most of us here live on so much less than this. What you don't consider extravagant we would.
[ Reply | Options ]I've explained a few times on this thread...DH works out of the city and drives to work each day. Other car is for me. One car we already own outright, the other we only pay 400/month for. However the parking is killing us so we need to consider street parking. I work or am doing school drop off or being with my younger one during alternate side parking times, but I believe I could pay someone 12/hour or so to alternate side park twice a week for me and it would be WAY less than what we pay for parking.
[ Reply | Options ]np, there are many cheap lots around the city if you want to save on the parking of the one you don't use often. On the UWS it can be as low as 170 per month.
[ Reply | Options ]Do you know where there is an UWS lot for 170/month? The one near our home (most convenient for when we were rolling in it) charges over 500/vehicle.
[ Reply | Options ]I think it is the Icon around 96 and Columbus. It is open air so you have to be ok with that. Also, there may be a chance that this is for people who take their car out a couple times a week, not daily (like op said she did) but I may be wrong. call the Icon 800 number and tell them you want to know the cheapest rates on the UWS...mention the open air lot around 96/Col. I did a couple months ago and it was around 168. BTW, I recently saw those little white flyers they place on street parkers and it also said 160-something so the rate is still around.
[ Reply | Options ]this would be great because DH is the one who takes the car out each day and he can street park. Is this place uptown of 96 and Columbus because I am picturing the block and there is no parking garage there...96 and Columbus is the block with that big doorman building where they now have the new Mandell School.
[ Reply | Options ]Like I said, it is around there. Could have been 95th or 97th. Could be between Columbus and CPW or right at Columbus. If you call Icon, they will tell you. There was only one low cost garage when I called and that was because it was the only open air lot around. There was low cost parking just above Columbia University but the savings were not worth the distance. If you live lower on the Westside,