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  • [-]Someone talk me down. I am slowly freaking out. My 4 yo is undergoing surgery in less than a week. She will be under for 3 hours. I don't know what I will do with myself during that time. has anyopne had experience with their child undergoing surgery? Can youtell me about it? We are going to Schneider's Children's Hospital. Thanks.

    25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    10.10.08, 06:11 PM [ Flagged ]
    • Can you find a very steady friend to sit with you and pray (even if you are nonreligious)? Someone who is a rock?

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      10.10.08, 06:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • My husband and parents will be with me. I just can't even think about it wothout crying and I hope I can be stronger then.

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        10.10.08, 06:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • Wow- I send you my positive thoughts. I swear I can feel my daughter's pain even when she gets a boo boo. I bet the staff will be really supportive and awesome.

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          10.10.08, 06:24 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • I think they will too. It's a great hospital and I have a great surgeon. I know it will be okay, I just thin it will be really hard sitting out there waiting, knowing she is out and open on a table. Thanks for the positive thoughts.

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            10.10.08, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • If you're looking for the silver lining, also, you will just pull together with your husband and parents, and your dc will really feel that love.

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              10.10.08, 06:31 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • I was actually amazed how calm DH & I were when our 15 month old went in for surgery- you just have to believe everything will be fine. What type of surgery is it?

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      10.10.08, 06:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • btw- I didn't have my parents come with me because I thought it would stress me out more. DH & I watched tv in the waiting room and read magazine- quite honestly we didn't talk that much, it was better saying nothing.

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        10.10.08, 06:41 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • I'm only having my parents come to watch over my 6 mo who I am bringing with us so that I can at least spend time with her and hold her and nurse her during the surgery bc afterwards I will spending days and nights at the hospital with 4yo.

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          10.11.08, 05:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • I have a few friends and someone in my family that went through this too. I think it's very hard to deal with emotionally. No easy way around that. This is your child. Hang in there. Everyone I know that went through this their children came through fine.

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      10.10.08, 06:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • My ds had surgery at 7 months and it is hard. Generally (I don't know about Schneiders), you get to go in to the operating room with dc and hold her while she goes under (then they hustle you out). There are pediatric anesthesiologists who specialize in kids, who are great --- I am sure you will have one, although you could check with your surgeon in advance if it would make you feel better. Don't be scared when you are taken to post op -- kids coming out of general are sometimes upset, but usually calm down very quickly. The hospital staff takes special care with kids, IMO, and treat you very well and understand how hard it is for parents.

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      10.10.08, 06:43 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • You may have already been warned about this but just be aware that watching her wake up after surgery will probably be the most horrible part for you. My ped warned me about this when my 2.5yo had surgery and it was very true. The surgery lasted about 90 minutes and while that was nerve-wracking, the misery of watching her immediately post-surgery was much greater. The important thing to keep in mind is that your dd needs to have this surgery, and you just have to manage to get through it. She's going to be fine, and you can spoil her rotten afterwards! (Do you want to say what kind of surgery she's having?)

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      10.10.08, 07:12 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • Not OP, but why was it so hard watching her wake up? I heard from my brother that it was hard watching his ds be put to sleep for surgery.

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        10.10.08, 07:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • NP: When children come out of anaesthesia, they thrash around, scream and moan like they are having the worst nightmare of their lives. They cannot be comforted. Then, suddenly, they're fine and have no memory of the apparent terror. The parent, however, needs a valium. OP, my advice to you is to line up some post-surgery valium!

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          10.11.08, 05:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • I would be so on board with valium if I was not still nursing a 6 mo!

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            10.11.08, 05:40 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • OMG that sounds frightening. I would have a hard time with that. I had no idea of this. Does this also happen with adults? (I have had 3 surgeries involving general myself but obviously no awareness of this)

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            10.11.08, 05:44 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • that did not happen when my 3 yo had a hernia surgery. he did not have any problem when he woke out of the anaesthesia. it might not happen with OPs child. I remember the doctor commented he thought my dc did well bc we were very reassuring when he went under. I held his hand and spoke calmly and put on a fake, no-worries expression and dc accepted it and was not too scared. Who knows if that had anything to do with him coming out of the anaesth. in a relaxed way. we will never know, but OP just do your best to act relaxed and confident with your dc before the surgery and then again after, and hope for the best. best wishes and big gl from me.

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              10.11.08, 10:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • I am in exactly the same position, although my dd is younger. I can't imagine the actual time in the waiting room or the anesthesia. I'm am actually sick to my stomach thinking about it. I don't have any advice, except to keep focused on the fact that everyone involved has the same goals - a happy and healthy child and that this too will pass. At least that is what everyone is telling me. I spontaneously break into tears while walking home from dropping my dc off at school. Sorry for your pain. Really.

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      10.10.08, 08:01 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • np: best wishes to you and your family. your dd will be fine I am sure. I hope the waiting time goes very quickly for you.

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        10.12.08, 06:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Was watching post, just checked and saw all these amazing replies. Thank you everyone for sharing and supporting. She is having ureter reimplantation for kidney reflux on 10/20 thanks for all your well-wishes!

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      10.11.08, 04:57 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • my daughter had surgery right before she turned 2 at Boston Children's hospital. I was so anxious about. I was taking xanax for months. The day of her surgery, the doctors were so nice and comforting. I walked her in to the operating room and held her while they put the mask on her face to put her to sleep. the nurses were reading her "goodnight moon" while this was going on. I am not going to lie, it was the hardest day, and I just paced the floor while I waited for her to come out of surgery. Schneider's is an excellent hospital and i am sure you have a great team of doctors. Just stay strong and you will get through it. by the way, my daughter's surgery was over 4 hours. When my daughter woke up, she was out of it, but they rebound fa...

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      10.11.08, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • what kind of surgery? ive btdt 4 times with ds. in my experience, it helped not to have extra people around. i found when my parents, il's were there, it added more pressure to the situation, fuels the tensions and chaos. much calmer when just me and dh. bring something to keep occupied. dumb reading, nothing heavy.

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      10.11.08, 10:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • best wishes for everything to go quickly and smoothly for you and dc.

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      10.12.08, 06:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  • [-]As per our Principal (in the Newsletter): "(we have) inadequate room for even fundamental operations. Teachers are working out of closets instead of having classrooms!...horrifically overcrowded"

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    10.08.08, 07:21 AM [ Flag ]
    • What school and if find the use of the word "horrific" a bit much.

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      10.08.08, 07:25 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • I think more "..." and "!" should have been used although I appreciate the use of the ever election-hot word "fundamental" and trendy "horrifically"

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      10.08.08, 07:31 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • lol

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        10.08.08, 07:32 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • All the UMC people are targeting 8 zoned schools for their kids - so these 8 schools have become "horrifically" overcrowded. Next year it's going to get much worse when people will not be willing/able to spend $35K a year for crappy privates like CGPS and Trevor

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        10.08.08, 07:34 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • ironic - the public schools are good, more people want to go, they get better, more people want to go, they get crowded.

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          10.08.08, 07:35 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • You have only NYC planning to blame for that

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            10.08.08, 07:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • I actually wasn't looking to blame anyone. I look at the positive - nyc public schools are not the hell holes that some described.

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              10.08.08, 07:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • Unfortunately with 34 DCs per classroom (and 1 teacher), the quality of teaching/learning has really suffered

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                10.08.08, 07:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • Really? What grade?

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                  10.08.08, 07:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                  • 3-5

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                    10.08.08, 07:50 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • This is poor planning on part of principal. First -- 34 kids x 3 classes is 102 kids. You could easily have 4 size classrooms @ 25 kids/class. Our school does that easily. If you don't have the extra classroom, then the principal should DEFINITELY hire aids for all the classrooms, since he/she is saving that money that would be spent for an extra classroom teacher. It really is a matter of good management.

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                      10.08.08, 07:56 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                      • and money. not all schools have an active pta that donates enough money for such things.

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                        10.08.08, 07:59 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                        • But my point is that this shouldn't be PTA money. Schools get money per pupil. If the classes have 34 kids instead of 25, the school is spending less money on teachers, so should have more for other things. Our PTA doesn't pay for teachers, but principal still manages to keep class sizes low.

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                          10.08.08, 08:01 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                        • What school? If its ps40 you have arguably the best principal in nyc. If its another school, you may very well have a class size grant that help $$ - if you have a zone like 234 or 41, you can't have a small class size grant - too many children and not enough classrooms. You can't pull one out of the sky. for you to say that it is strictly a "management" problem is incorrect. Nothing is as simple as that.

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                          10.08.08, 08:11 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                        • Sorry, we're in Brooklyn. We definitely don't have a small class size grant and our population is now too "rich

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                          10.08.08, 08:18 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                        • ^^^sorry -- too rich to qualify for Title I funding. What I am saying is that if your school is so overcrowded that it has alot of 34 kid classrooms, it is saving money on teacher salaries. So if there's no physical space to reduce class size by hiring more teachers, that teacher salary money should be used to hire aides. Ask your principal where that money is going. Is she claiming that the DOE only budgets for teachers to have 34 kid classrooms. Not true.

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                          10.08.08, 08:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                        • You're right it's not management. The DOE controls the principal. PS 40's principal isn't the best though, she runs a tight ship and gets good scores and brings in a bunch of fancy extras to make herself look good. She's not good with kids, she's terrible with her teachers, it's a rote institutional place now.

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                          10.08.08, 08:25 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • Which 8?

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          10.08.08, 07:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • PS6, PS290, PS199, PS234, PS41, PS87, PS40, PS89

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            10.08.08, 07:40 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • no one likes, 333,89,3?

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              10.08.08, 07:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • I included 89, No-one prefers 3 over 41 (they share a zone)

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                10.08.08, 07:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • I stand corrected.

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                  10.08.08, 07:42 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • that's not true. I know plenty of people who FC'd 3 this year (you stated a preference in the lottery) and if we had stayed in that zone we would have chosen 3 too.

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                  10.08.08, 07:51 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • I know many who prefer 3 over 41. Lots.

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                  10.08.08, 07:52 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                  • yes, some prefer a progressive school. that doesn't mean it's as good as 41. people who choose 41 do so because test scores are higher, it has a better track record with top middle schools and the amount of fundraising means better enrichment. all things that people value in a k-5. ps 41 is one of the top 6 or 7 public k-5 schools in the city. ps 3 is slightly lower (i would put 89 in that group as well).

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                    10.08.08, 10:36 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • Your post doesn't have answer this other post. Whether or not, in your view, 41 is better, doesn't mean that some dont prefer 3 anyway.

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                      10.08.08, 10:56 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • this is manhattan only, of course. there are a number of desirable publics in the other boroughs too. and in manhattan you're forgetting ps3, ps11, and ps116.

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              10.08.08, 07:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • 212, 150

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                10.08.08, 07:43 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • 212 and 150 are NOT zoned schools. I mentioned zoned schools and NO the GenEd PS11 is not desirable at all, even the PS11 G&T is not nearly as desirable as the top zoned schools in NYC

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                  10.08.08, 07:50 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                  • goodness. I know many families that desire ps11 g&t. You simply run with a different crowd.

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                    10.08.08, 07:51 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • np. apparently not even all the parents who ranked it this year in the end desired it. the k classes are way undersubscribed.

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                      10.08.08, 10:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                  • I know very happily families at PS11 and they fit your demographics. but you're the expert, I guess!

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                    10.08.08, 07:52 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • OR: I believe you..all I said is that is not as popular with the white UMC crowd as PS6

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                      10.08.08, 08:34 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • Yes, PS 11 is great but I think we are talking about school zones people actually seek out and buy property in just to be zoned for a "great" school.

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                      10.08.08, 10:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                  • ita. those eight schools you mentioned are all as good or better than ps11 g&t.

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                    10.08.08, 10:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • keep dreaming

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                      10.11.08, 05:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                      • you're the one who is dreaming. i live in the zone and know plenty of people there. the g&t is good. it's not as good as the best gen eds in the city. in d2, including citiwides, my list would go something like this: anderson, lower lab, 234/41, nest, 116/40, 3/11g&t/89, 130, 124.

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                        10.12.08, 06:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • CGPS and Trevor are both great schools

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          10.08.08, 10:13 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • Which school is this??

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      10.08.08, 08:24 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
  • [-]So crazy....I just sat down and estimated how much we spend each year. $300,000!!!! Insane, insane, insane....And I don't even live an "opulant" life. Biggest monthly expenses: Mortgage is 8 grand. Apartment Maintenance is 1400. We park two cars for 1200 and lease one for 400. Then basics like phone, cable and con ed, food, TUITION for one kid, part time nanny, cleaning lady once a week...we go out to dinner on the weekends and hire a sitter but we never take vacations...I dress DD in Old Navy and Gymboree...I probably spend too much on cosmetics and stuff from Duane Reade...this seems so out of whack from our reality but this is what it is. 300 Grand. Jesus. We're gonna have to tighten our belts and make some cuts.

    130 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    10.09.08, 07:39 PM [ Flagged ]
    • Wow 8 grand! How much did your place costs originally? What does the maintenance include (I've always been curious)?

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      10.09.08, 07:41 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • it was 6 grand for the first few years fixed but now it's adjusted. It's a big place...we bought for over 2 mil and mortgaged (I think) 1.2 mil. Before that we were renting for 5 grand/month. Maintenance is just to keep the property maintained including property taxes, boiler running, super and porter paid, elevator repairs, electricity for common spaces...you know, the basic maintenance of the property. It's not a doorman building. No perks like a gym or pool.

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        10.09.08, 07:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • np--Maintenance often includes the overall mortgage for the building; the interest on this is deductible.

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        10.09.08, 08:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • It's not a matter of opulence, but it sounds like you didn't set out to live as frugally as possible and now see the reality. Can you get by with one car? Go out to eat less often? Have the cleaning lady only twice a month? Only shop sales at Old Navy & Gymboree?

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      10.09.08, 07:44 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • yes to all but the car. DH is out of town with his all day and I am not comfortable without one. But perhaps we could park one on the street to avoid parking fees.

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        10.09.08, 07:45 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • you are not comfortable without a car in nyc?

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          10.10.08, 05:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • OP: No, I'm not. It's a safety issue for me. I want to be able to flee if I need to.

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            10.10.08, 05:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • You should probably re think that. It's nyc traffic, you would be far more likely to get out on public transpo - ferry, water taxi etc.

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              10.10.08, 05:14 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • Not in this particular situation. Safe Haven is NW connecticut. No water taxi, train, etc. Five minutes to get over the bridge and out. We've really looked at it from all angles. The key is, I need to stret park. The more we discuss it here the more I'm certain of it. We would be saving over a grand a month.

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                10.10.08, 05:24 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • Good luck to get out of the city at all by car in case of a disaster. The first thing the city shuts down are the bridges for car traffic. You are better off parking that second car of yours some where outside Manhattan (maybe New Jersey or The Bronx).

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                  10.10.08, 06:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                  • I agree. I would get a couple bikes or a tandem bike for trying to get out of the city in an emergency. It would be cheaper than a car.

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                    10.10.08, 06:52 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • OK seriously that is ridiculous. OP here btw. I'm not gonna pack up 2 kids and a dog and set off on my tandem bike to North West Connecticut.

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                      10.10.08, 07:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                      • But you could do that to reach the car you parked somewhere outside Manhattan. They make these ool bicycle trailers for children to sit in.

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                        10.10.08, 07:19 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                        • This makes no sense. Why would I pay to park a car outside of manhattan? It would cost the same as parking the car in an open lot IN Manhattan, or I could street park...which is what we will probably do.

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                          10.10.08, 03:44 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • gymboree isn't the cheapest place for clothes.

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        10.11.08, 12:26 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
    • Can you cut a car and take public transportation some of the time?

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      10.09.08, 07:44 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
      • I do take public trans or walk most of the time. Car is mostly for leaving the city.

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        10.09.08, 07:46 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
        • Why two cars in the city? You know most of us here live on so much less than this. What you don't consider extravagant we would.

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          10.11.08, 08:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
          • I've explained a few times on this thread...DH works out of the city and drives to work each day. Other car is for me. One car we already own outright, the other we only pay 400/month for. However the parking is killing us so we need to consider street parking. I work or am doing school drop off or being with my younger one during alternate side parking times, but I believe I could pay someone 12/hour or so to alternate side park twice a week for me and it would be WAY less than what we pay for parking.

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            10.11.08, 12:51 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
            • np, there are many cheap lots around the city if you want to save on the parking of the one you don't use often. On the UWS it can be as low as 170 per month.

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              10.11.08, 01:17 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
              • Do you know where there is an UWS lot for 170/month? The one near our home (most convenient for when we were rolling in it) charges over 500/vehicle.

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                10.11.08, 01:32 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                • I think it is the Icon around 96 and Columbus. It is open air so you have to be ok with that. Also, there may be a chance that this is for people who take their car out a couple times a week, not daily (like op said she did) but I may be wrong. call the Icon 800 number and tell them you want to know the cheapest rates on the UWS...mention the open air lot around 96/Col. I did a couple months ago and it was around 168. BTW, I recently saw those little white flyers they place on street parkers and it also said 160-something so the rate is still around.

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                  10.11.08, 02:23 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                  • this would be great because DH is the one who takes the car out each day and he can street park. Is this place uptown of 96 and Columbus because I am picturing the block and there is no parking garage there...96 and Columbus is the block with that big doorman building where they now have the new Mandell School.

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                    10.11.08, 02:41 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
                    • Like I said, it is around there. Could have been 95th or 97th. Could be between Columbus and CPW or right at Columbus. If you call Icon, they will tell you. There was only one low cost garage when I called and that was because it was the only open air lot around. There was low cost parking just above Columbia University but the savings were not worth the distance. If you live lower on the Westside,