[-]The SAHM/WOHM debate is a false debate because it's a false choice - how many women do you really know who either want to be shut out of the workforce for 20 years OR work 50 hours a week when they have a newborn?? Instead of judging and criticizing each other, we should be putting pressure on our government to require employers to give us a spectrum of REAL options. FT to PT back to FT, flex working, job sharing, temporary WAH, etc. Parents should be able to be family oriented and professionally ambitious.
105 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I've been able to work PT and it's worked out really well. It's a shame that other women don't have this option. I spend a lot of time with my dd, but still have my career that I established before she was born.
[ Reply | Options ]-
I'm just saying, I have been able to do what op has proposed, and I am VERY happy, and I think it is good for my dd. I was agreeing, and think it would be great if women in publishing, banking, teaching, medical field, etc has these options. I know some do, and some don't. I don't mean to be smug, but I am very happy with my life.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
I work in fashion. I have certain times of the year when I'm busier than others. And I'll often work 3 really long days, which can be hard. I'll usually go to work before she gets up and come home after she goes to bed, but it's not often.
[ Reply | Options ]That's great. My SIL is a vet and she has similar options. I work in media and feel pretty boxed into a f/t job.
[ Reply | Options ]I work in media too, and PT or Flex time is much less of an option. And I think it should be less of an option, frankly. Medical, customer serivce jobs and probably tons of other industries can do just fine with PT help but for industries that operate on a M-F 9-6 work week, I don't think it's productive to have people working half time, leaving work undone, doing work from home when the rest of the industry is in offices... it just upsets the balance. But in the industries where it can work, I applaud it.
[ Reply | Options ]What type of work do you do that you find this schedule so difficult? Not trying to be smug, I just want to understand. Also, I understand if you don't want to answer to "out" yourself. I guess I'm curious as to what type of media. I know some people in tv, and they're schedules vary from being great to awful, but I sort of consider this media? Maybe I shouldn't.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Not sure how true that is. I know people who want to go back to work instead of staying home and I know people who want to SAH instead of work. It's more about personal preference. I HATED working and wanted nothing more than to SAH and if asked I would not return to the job market unless financial reasons occurred.I have never let people's comments about being a SAHM get to me though b/c I know I am doing the right thing for my dd.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: I agree that some women do want to do FT even when their DC are very young and some women have no ambitions outside the home and want to raise kids then just volunteer or whatever after the kids go to college. But aren't these women the minority?
[ Reply | Options ]-
I think there are things you can control. For example, I left management consulting to go into government because I knew that I couldn't keep up with the hours and the travelling. Now I'm on government and my job has flexibility.
[ Reply | Options ]That is great that you had an option that worked for you. My career and degree are all based around my current profession (which is in film) and it is pretty much an all or nothing job. I don't really have another career path option. The p/t doesn't exist. I could find a job to do p/t i am sure but that is not the same thing as my career that i have been cultivating for years now. I am sure other women have the same problem - and that is the situation that is unfortunate.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Is it the right thing for your dd? Or is it because you "HATED working and wanted nothing more than to SAH?"
[ Reply | Options ]More so because it is what is best for my dd. My dh and I both agreed that it was more beneficial. I had done studies about which was more beneficial before I had kids and found many on-line studies that proved that staying home was the best thing. Plus, my mom SAH and I loved it that she was home with me.
[ Reply | Options ]If your research had indicated it was better for a child to have two working parents, especially when school age, would you have considered continuing the work.
[ Reply | Options ]Honestly, when she was school age I would have worked if it said that was best. My research showed that most teenagers who commit suicide have 2 working parents (especially moms) because they are never around or too stressed after work to listen to them. Teenagers have higher rates of doing drugs, alcohol, and getting addicted to online porn if their parents both work and they have free reign of the house and can roam the neighborhood while parents don't know where they are. Recently met a mom who had to SAH and quit her job because her teenage dd was falling in with the wrong crowd.
[ Reply | Options ]
np: while yes, there are women who want nothing more than to SAH with their kids and who were thrilled to leave their jobs. but i have to say, i think that very few women like the idea that if they should ever want (or need) to return to the workforce in a meaningful way (a career, a decent income, etc.) it will be extremely difficult. one might hate working in her 30s, but that's very different than suddenly finding oneself say a widow in her 50s, w grown children and not a lot to do with herself. even if one didn't need the money, she may determine she "needs" other aspects of having a career - a new identity, a new community, goals, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]Not always. I don't 'need' a job to feel fulfilled or have an identity. Of course if I ever needed to work I would but honestly I will probably have to work once my kids are grown and out of the house. However, I do not have any plan to re-enter the work force, my #1 priority is to my child(ren) right now and my career comes last to their happiness and well-being.
[ Reply | Options ]sure, you may not in your current life NEED a job or career to feel fulfilled or to have an identity or to keep yourself busy. but there are many women who at a later time in their lives, DO need this bc there's not a lot else. i work in financial planning and i see a lot of empty nest couples and divorced/widowed women where the woman SAH and after the kids are gone, even when there is no financial need, there is often a lot of time/energy that is left wo purpose and many of them want to return to working and are often frustrated with the barriers to re-entry for a 55yo who hasn't worked in a decade or 2. My point was simply that this notion that most SAHM choose to SAH forever and never ever want to go back to work is probably not accu...
[ Reply | Options ]What makes you think a child's happiness and well-being is at stake because his/her mom works? As you say, you don't need a job to feel fulfilled or to have an identify ... however seems to me that you are using your children to fuel your sense of identity and feeling fulfilled. My point? Please don't assume that a woman who chooses to have a career is doing so because without it she has no sense of self. If you replace the word career with the word children you will see how ludicrous your logic is.
[ Reply | Options ]
I agree with what you're saying but for some people it is a choice. I choose to work, and I "paid my dues" so now I can just tread water and leave at 5. It works for me.
[ Reply | Options ]For most of us, it isn't really a choice. Yes, I could SAH, and eventually the bank would take our house away, and we wouldn't have any health insurance. "SAH" for us would eventually mean "stay in whatever homeless shelter we could find." Perhaps i could homeschool from the shelter.
[ Reply | Options ]
You want the government to tell companies they MUST let moms work at home or that they should be able to go from ft to pt and back to ft?!? That's insane.
[ Reply | Options ]-
OP: If you're thinking about the repercussions for businesses, it seems like flex working is a workable model. Isn't it more efficient to keep the same employers than have to hire and fire someone (because you keep telling the new mothers that it's all or nothing)?
[ Reply | Options ]-
OP: I'm the furthest thing from an economist, but aren't there things (like job structuring) that the market doesn't create because there's no incentive to do so, but wouldn't necessarily hurt the market?
[ Reply | Options ]You said it would be more efficient- if that were true, the market would have created it.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: Okay, let's say "equally efficient" or "differently efficient" then. I wonder if there have been studies on that question, comparing two similar economies, one which has an institutionalized part-time option (like Germany) and one that doesn't.
[ Reply | Options ]-
OP: No. At the risk of allowing you to dismiss me as a starry-eyed idealist, I'm an academic! But couldn't it be a huge drag on a company's productivity to be constantly recruiting, interviewing, and training people when they could instead reformat the positions their employees occupy and keep the same employees?
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Not if the employee you are keeping can only work PT or WAH, in which case you're probably better off hiring someone new.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
You're making it sound too dogmatic. Companies are actually losing valuable resources because they're not advanced enough to try to find flexible arrangements for very valuable female employees who leave the workforce due to "all or nothing" work options.
[ Reply | Options ]Completely agree. There have even been articles about job sharing situations where the job sharers are men (gasp), and it has worked out very well. From a productivity perspective, when two people share one job in a successful job share they can be more productive (less time away from work, more output) than one full time individual.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
-
ITA. I am from Germany and there it is very easy to go PT. Germany is doing very well so it doesn't seem to hurt after all. Here it's all or nothing. I was in I banking and had to quit because my boss made snide remarks every night when I left at 7pm (Oh, you are leaving early today). So annoying. The truth was I didn't order dinner and spend 1hr eating it, I didn't surf the internet etc. I just tried to be efficient and get out. So now I am at home, trying to find a more quiet job.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree with the general premise, but I think this is something that has to happen bottom-up (an increasing percentage of employees requesting these options) rather than top-down (government intervention). And it can't be viewed as a women's/mother's issue or even a working parents issue - it will have to be something that a broad spectrum of employees decide they value and want to negotiate for.
[ Reply | Options ]maybe this will change. For example, I think the reason so few jobs allow working at home (mine doesn't, even though 99% of what I do can be done anywhere) is because the people in charge are old-school and don't think that way. As my generation moves into these positions, maybe it will be more available to have part time jobs or job sharing. I'm hopeful at least, though I won't benefit from it.
[ Reply | Options ]np: nah, i think supervisors don't like the idea that they aren't able to oversee someone very carefully when they WAH. in a job that is very product oriented (say you're an editor) it's easy to see that someone is working, but in a job that is not, it's much harder and people expect people to slack off when "no one is looking". supervisors also like their staffs to be available for in person meetings at a moments notice.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: This is definitely not true where I work (a global corporation). People report to people that work in different cities (or even countries) than they do. Even people that work in the same city are scattered in offices all over the place. 95% of our work gets done by phone or email. If you haven't figured out how to manage people remotely, you wouldn't be able to manage at all.
[ Reply | Options ]I WAH and if I slack off I don't get the job done. I charge by the hour and submit detailed time logs which get questioned if they are way over estimate. My employer is happy b/c the work is done, he doesn't have to provide me with an office, and if he needs to talk he has dedicated VOIP phone lines to each of his employees. Our meetings are all very short and to the point because it's in our interest to finish our work asap so we can get on with the other parts of our lives. I'm in IT/web development.
[ Reply | Options ]
Please ... our government should require ...? Get real and stop whining. Everything is a compromise, either you are willing to make the compromises required and live with the consequences or not. Nothing is perfect, there is an upside and downside to everything. Women like you make me crazy. The fact is many, many companies are doing exactly what you are asking for. I suspect you are a SAHM who does not want to go back to work and is unwilling to admit it ... to yourself or to others.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: No, I'm not a SAHM, I'm a professor. I think certain things should be rights and I'm guessing that you think they should be privileges. I think women should have a right to have both kids and a career. I think parents should have a right to not be discriminated against at work (not be taken seriously because they want to be with their kids in the early years). My guess is that you don't think these are rights?
[ Reply | Options ]-
OP: Of course men should have this right. The problem is that the way our society works now, men DO have the right to kids and a career - because it's assumed that the mothers will do more of the childcare stuff. This is borne out by statistics on which parent does what around the house, with kids, etc. Not in every family, but in most families.
[ Reply | Options ]Men and women have the rights to children and a career. When you position the desire for more time at home with children to be a uniquely female concern, you reinforce the stereotype that women have the primary obligation to their children's day-to-day life and men have the primary obligation to provide.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: As you can see in my original post, I said that PARENTS should be able to be interested in family and career. The reason I'm talking specifically about women here is because women direct too much energy and guilt towards each other and themselves RE parenting/work choices. Instead of guilt tripping ourselves or others, we should demand better choices.
[ Reply | Options ]NP: Honestly, if you want to make any progress on this issue, you should focus on men, not women. If you convince a reasonable % of men that they want to work PT, WAH, have flex-time, for ANY purpose (spending time with their kids, travel, golf, whatever) the world will change really, really fast. But as long as we frame this as a women's/mother's issue, nothing ever will. Sad, but true.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: This post is a reaction to all the SAH/WOH bickering on this site. My point is that it's a false argument because the premise is false. And of course I have an agenda! I want women to have the same rights and opportunities as men. This includes getting to have a family and a career.
[ Reply | Options ]It's not any easier for a man to be "family oriented and professionally ambitious" than it is for a woman. It's just that women typically sacrifice career for family, while men typically sacrifice family for career. Unless you're saying "women should be able to work hard, neglect their kids and not feel guilty about it, just like men do", there's some work to be done on the male side also.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]Which is the best preschool Mandell, Rodeph, or Morningside Montessori?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]Poll: Would you be happier with a part-time, flex-time, or WAHM job (if it paid the same per hour as your current or last job)? Would you need benefits? Are you currently a WOHM or SAHM? Ages of kids? Approx HHI? Happy or unhappy with your current status?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]PT WAHM, used to be a FT WOHM for same company. Making same per hourly rate as before, but no bonus (ouch!) no benefits. Company pays for my cell and remote access (wireless card) if needed. Pros and Cons. Juggling work and a toddler is tough, I often find myself planting DS in front of Dora to type out emails or take conference calls, or else waking at 4AM to get a few hours in. One PRO: found myself working on my lap top on the beach, just like a Corona commercial.
[ Reply | Options ]-
op: Mainly because there seem to be so many unhappy women, both SAHMs and WOHMs on this board. Wonder if the answer might be something in between. I like the solution I found but it's hard to rustle up new work every time I finish a project, and kind of a waste of time. I wish part time work were more part of the culture.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm the PT WOHM below and I totally agree. Instead of being anti-SAHM or anti-WOHM, I wish we would direct that energy/resentment to companies that don't let people flex/PT and to our government for not requiring that the companies give employees this option. Whether the parents are willing or able (depending where they live - in NYC it's more able!!) to take a cut in their HHI is another question ...
[ Reply | Options ]
PT WOHM (professor -- I teach two days a week), 1 DC, DH is also a professor (FT) so our HHI is quite low. Right now we juggle schedules and take care of DC on our own. I'm very happy with our current status since DC is a baby but hoping to send him to daycare PT next year so that I can have one day/week to research.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]Happy International Women's Day everyone! However different our political leanings, I hope we can all agree that women's accomplishments and struggles matter.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]can i just say that the concept that kathryn bigelow wins and all we do is talk about her husband really pisses me off?
[ Reply | Options ]np: I just get annoyed about how they keep saying the first woman, ect..how about she's a damn great director and won for that
[ Reply | Options ]OP: Not to continue in that vein (of talking about the ex-DH instead of the woman in question), but it might be because Cameron is considered a major-league a-hole in Hollywood and so those people are really excited to see him lose. I unfortunately haven't been able to see Bigelow's film yet.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]why are "latinos" in america treated as a minority group? what makes them different from any other immigrant group? I get why many believe african americans get certain special treatment, in light of what they endured here for 100's of years and the racist sentiments that still exist all over, but sorry - do not mean to offend anyone, but can s/o explain to me what makes a hispanic kid different from an asian, russian, french, spanish, cambodian, indian, israeli, syrian etc kid?? please? tia.
110 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]-
Um, I don't get this. They are a minority group, so are the others which you mentioned. Duh.
[ Reply | Options ]the others I mentioned (russian-american lets say- pick a random one), dont count as "diversity" at schools, and dont get preferential treatment (in the form of affirmative action) at colleges or jobs.
[ Reply | Options ]Latinos aren't always white, and are seen as less than white and needing help to attain equality, whereas russians are white, and can blend into our racist society easily.
[ Reply | Options ]asians arent white. nor are indians, syrians or many times israelis. just choosing ones from my random list above (just chose the first few countries that came to mind, no rhyme or reason). why arent they given special treatment, and allowed into schools with lower scores, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]That's because Russians come to America to be AMERICAN. They learn the language and assimilate into our culture. Latinos insist on living in their own insular little subculture, refusing to learn English, refusing to assimilate, and insisting that the American government cater to their "needs".
[ Reply | Options ]Amen. I am the OR "subculture." Every town has an enclave of Latino culture. That's fine. But this means that we WASPS see them as "different," because they are choosing to remain "different." Not all Latinos, of course. I had a Latina roommate in med school, rooming with all WASPS and dating a WASP. Who cares what Latinos do, really, as long as they are happy???
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
Latina here, my Dad came to the USA in 1969, he finished his medical school here, in 1971 he brought us (5 children) paid for College for all of us; I have been working since High School; no one besides my Dad has ever given me/us anything or special treatment of any sort and we do not expect it or want it; I do not consider myself a minority, just one more citizen of this country. If anything, by the way, Latinos are becoming a majority.
[ Reply | Options ]Historically, in the US, they have been treated as a different race (in the southwest, there were segregated bathrooms in public places one for whites, one for blacks and one for hispanics). Watch the film "A Class Apart".
[ Reply | Options ]I truly believe that you are minority in other people's mind and you become one in yours if you allow them influence you, I am a Latina and have never considered myself to be anything more than another citizen of this country and a human being living in this planet; I am no more nor less than a WASP, an AA or anyone else. I have a right to belong and to be in any place any other person belongs. Now, whether I want to or not is entirely up to me.
[ Reply | Options ]np: It's all about color. If you have white skin and wasp features, even if you are latina or indian or korean, you are more likely to be accepted and treated like the others (isn't that why so many asian women get their eyelids "fixed"). If you do not, you will see something in the faces of white people wherever you go, whatever you do, in the faces of your teachers while you are growing up, your professors, your employers. Many minorities are not strong enough to overcome it, particularly if they come from poor backgrounds with few educational resources to begin with. Even asians and indians are overachievers but many, many of them stick to themselves because whites are intolerant, even many of the so-called "liberal" ones can't hide...
[ Reply | Options ]
Hey Op, why does the label bother you so much? It's not meant to be derogatory. I'm a WASP, and I rarely automatically assume anything about a Latina. There are white rednecks and white trash, and there are white doctors and white movie stars. Sounds like there's something bugging you--get to the core here.
[ Reply | Options ]yes! what is bothering me is that other people are allowed to work half as hard as me to get to the same point. just because I am white doesnt mean my parents are mutlimilionares. so when I got into an ivy league college, it was on my OWN MERIT. when I got into a top grad school, its was because I WORKED HARD IN COLLEGE and deserved that spot. not because I checked off a box on the application that allowed my app to be placed in a special pile for those we can accept even if htey did worse than e/o else.
[ Reply | Options ]ok, so after all that education you're now a rabid frothing anti-affirmative action maniac? congrats.
[ Reply | Options ]huh? what does education have to do with me being anti-affirmative action? it bothers me that i had classmates in grad school who worked half as hard as I did to get to where we all were, and were able to do so because htey checked off a box. what is wrong with that bothering me?
[ Reply | Options ]np: you are wrong. those "boxes" are mostly for POOR latinos or people who are impressive for having overcome something serious. I am latina and got no help from affirmative action at all. I didn't need it. I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood. My father was a doctor. I went exactly where I was supposed to go for my grades and scores, college and law school. I earned every bit of what I achieved in life, despite encounters with asshats like you who make assumptions about me based on my ethnic background. But, in the end, you are doing yourself a disservice with your ignorance. I derive power from it because, usually, people like you underestimate people like me and I always, always get the upper hand because of it. It...
[ Reply | Options ]OP, well I have a gret deal of admiration for your and your family, and respect you for your honesty. but the problem is, that it is not just the "poor latinos" who check those boxes. have a box for "underprivileged" and be done with it. why is an underprivileged latino different from an underpriviledged [insert country here]-american?
[ Reply | Options ]
You really suck, OP. The whole anti-affirmative action crap is SOO 90's. Minorities usually have odds stacked against them, what with their backgrounds, racism, financial situations, etc. Who cares if they get a leg up? It's been proven that affirmative action WORKS.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes indeed. It "works" so well that it's been shutting out QUALIFIED job and school applicants in favor of mediocre and downright UNqualified applicants for decades. This is why American corporations are getting their asses kicked by foreign companies -- because we're too busy wasting our time on bullshit "diversity" initiatives and tripping over each other trying to fill jobs with black and brown faces (regardless of qualification) that we've forgotten how to actually COMPETE in the marketplace.
[ Reply | Options ]hahaha! that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. where do you work? have you been to any banks or law firms lately? my graduate school department was staffed almost completely by jews. it is all whites, jews, indians, asians at the top. hispanics and blacks, the ones with the right education, usually go off and form there own companies or do their own thing because racism is still so hard to get around. do you want to sit with a bunch of people who think you are there because of affirmative action? you know, i hate to tell you this, but, even if everything was helmed by white-skinned, blue-eyed people (who, in my experience, cannot even come close intellectually to many minorites i have met), america will still get its ass...
[ Reply | Options ]wait a second though? "jews, indians and asians" are ALL IMMIGRANT GROUPS?? how do you think THEY got to the top? asians were persecuted and looked down upon here also (ever heard of the japanese interment camps??), and jews- well, why were med schools like Mount Sinai or Einstein in NYC started? because Jews were not permitted entry to any medical school in america- so they started their own. why do some groups have to work hard to achieve this, and then when they do, its like "it was given to them," and other groups are handed stuff for years and years?
[ Reply | Options ]
I see what you're saying - a lot of forms, etc. will say "White / African American / Hispanic / Other" - why not list every possible nationality? My guess is sheer numbers - we share a hemisphere with "Latinos" (and Canadians who are sorely outnumbered, population- and immigration-wise) and consequently have a lot more immigrants and people with Latin American roots.
[ Reply | Options ]no, that is nt even my point. i dont care if I check off the white or other box, i care that those who check off hispanic, DO GET SPECIAL TREATMENT as an "underrepresented minority." this country is a melting pot. we would all be "minorities" if we saw ourselves as part of our community and thats it, failing to ever see ourselves as true americans. why does checking that box enable the standards to be lowered?
[ Reply | Options ]Wrong, I have raised two children, both straight A students, my son graduated years ago and I am still paying his student loans, my daughter is in college right now and has an amazing scholarship that she earned because of her grades not because her mom is a Latina.
[ Reply | Options ]oh ok. Then I think it's because there are enough Latinos in this country and in positions of relative power (Congress) that they can lobby for "special treatment," in exchange for (not quid-pro-quo, but overall) support of a larger community than, say, Russian Americans. Because a sizeable percentage of Latinos are hovering around the poverty line, these initiatives are popular and sound good in Washington. Just my $0.02 though
[ Reply | Options ]affirmative action was CREATED to give people a chance and to level the playing field. WASPs have been crowding other people out in this country for centuries. Imagine if you came from slavery, which was not that long ago--several generations. So now you are expected to have the same education and background as a WASP who has had centuries of preparation for college, via their families? There's just no way to compete.
[ Reply | Options ]This is total and utter bullshit. I'm "white" but I'm only a second-generation American. My family came from Eastern Europe as poor, uneducated farmers. I'm the first generation in my family to have a college education. Where are MY "centuries of preparation" for college, and my centuries of family "connections"?
[ Reply | Options ]-
I am a rich WASP, related on both sides of my family to people who founded this country. I still stand by my opinion (above) that we need to atone for what we did to slaves and minorities by giving them a leg up. Sorry I'm such a jerk.
[ Reply | Options ]Well, tell you what, WASPy. You give up YOUR job or your kid's place in line for a scholarship. Neither I nor my ancestors in feudal Russia had anything to do with this slave bullshit in 19th Century America.
[ Reply | Options ]LOL!! I didn't get into Princeton and was waitlisted at Harvard...but my AA classmate got into both. I don't give a #$%^. I got into Duke, Northwestern, and a bunch of other schools, and the AA classmate is extremely intelligent. I got tired of hearing all of my whining WASP friends blame affirmative action for not getting into schools. Merit wins in the long run, always!
[ Reply | Options ]^^^P.S. I'm the rich WASP above. I'll never forget these non-studying losers in my prep school, even though I am 33 yrs old. On and on about how affirmative action has ruined their lives. Try working your butt off; it actually works. Blaming affirmative action is SUCH a cop-out strategy.
[ Reply | Options ]
tritto to this. my ancestors most of whom died in the holocaust, dont need to atone for slave bullsh*t either. my ancestors have their own bullsh*t and guess what? we move on.
[ Reply | Options ]Why don't you move back to Poland or Russia then? Your ancestors moved HERE, so deal with the consequences. WASPS run the show currently.
[ Reply | Options ]uh, how about because last time my ancestors lived in poland (warsaw) they were forced to live in a ghetto. we were forced out. reaad up on WWII history. doesnt implicate me in what WASPS did to AA's, and I still dont understand why any of that has anythign to do with the latinos in america. OP was not asking about African Americans and affirmative action or special treatment....only latinos...
[ Reply | Options ]
-
great, so you answered the question with regard to african americans. not the OP's question. unless I missed that day in history class, hispanics werent really part of the slave trade picture. and not all whites are WASPs. my grandparends came here from europe where they too were enslaved, in the nazi death camps. they came here with nothing. my parents all went to state colleges and were able to send their kids to college. no one is "entitled" to anything in this world.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Ignorance or paid trolls. The ignorance all over this post is so flaming that it really seems like the work of a troll.
[ Reply | Options ]By the way, Russian Jews get tons of benefits when they land in this country and have lots of babies too and get food stamps and live in their own enclaves and the older people do not learn english, just the younger generation.
[ Reply | Options ]well, I have yet to hear "press three for russian" when calling a cust svc, have yet to see a ballot in english and RUSSIAN and have never heard of a public school having classes to integrate the russian kids, teaching them russian for years and years. e/o else just seems to suck it up.
[ Reply | Options ]
Many of you don't seem to understand what "diversity" is about. It is to even things out for people with fewer priveleges - yes - but it is also to help out those at the top. Colleges benefit from having people of all backgrounds and color on campus. It is a way to keep you white people from becoming lazy and stupid and self-satisfied (though, apparently, some of your have managed that anyway). That is why America was, at first, losing the war in Iraq. The military did not know how to fight over there, did not understand the culture, tribal differences, etc. Once the generals started learning how to work with (and against) the tribal leaders, we started to win. It is to keep white people alert, to expose you to people who are differ...
[ Reply | Options ]Because hispanics (esp. Puerto Ricans and Dominicans) have been thought of as 2nd class citizens in the eyes of many caucasians throughout history (and even some "white" latinos too). These island hispanics were also enslaved during the slave times. Not everyone knows this. They have been looked down upon for centuries. It's sad but true. Ever seen west side story? Both sides of the gangs immigrated but the PR's were looked down upon. PPL don't like change...differences scare them
[ Reply | Options ]you tell me? Why must ppl look at me and assume since I'm PR that I'm on welfare and have no eduation? WHY? My family came here, didn't need a passport BUT weren't treated nicely by many others either. I remember a story my mother told me that after they married, they called to rent an apt in a 2 fam. house in Staten Island (19 67). The lady was so nice to them and said for them to come in and sign. One look at my parents (esp. my olive skinned dad who was a NYC cop and she said the apt wasn't for rent (that her son needed the place). This was in a matter of 3 hrs. Regardless of how we look, our education, our way of life, there are still ppl who make assumptions and look down on you just because of your heritage. My sister and best fried a...
[ Reply | Options ]Ita. And in reference to those saying it's for poor Latino/a s people take advantage of the system. My college roommate had a puerto rican mother and Scottish father. They had 3 kids. The parents got DIVORCED before the oldest kid started college application process. They were still together but now the kids got to check that they were a minority with a single mother. They all got tons of FA. In the meantime the family were actually very well off, multiple houses, cars, etc. The parents bought each girl an apartment near their school ( 3 big citiies, 3 very nice apartments in great areas) so that they didn't have to live in the dorms. I'm not faulting them for being well off, but it is very unfair how they cheated the system. Oh, and the p...
[ Reply | Options ]Whole affirmative action and favoring certain racial group is just insane. They only do it because there are not many black and latinos in top collages. But if they start doing well they will limit them and placing bar higher than white students.
[ Reply | Options ]^^^Just look at what happened to poor Asian students. Asian applicants typically need an extra 140 points to compete with white students. In fact, according to Princeton lecturer Russell Nieli, there may be an “Asian ceiling’’ at Princeton, a number above which the admissions office refuses to venture. (Boston Glove Feb.8, 2010)
[ Reply | Options ]-
DH and his family are white Latinos. They all look white (DH and his mom even have blue eyes), speak perfect Spanish (and english), are all college educated, and are extremely wealthy. His family ALWAYS comments on how people in the USA are SHOCKED to find out they are Latino because they are not dark skinned and poor. Want to know something funny? There are a ton of extremely wealthy Latinos but THEY STAY IN THEIR OWN COUNTRIES!!! They don't bother coming to the USA. It is aggravating to hear people talk about Latinos as if they were all poor.
[ Reply | Options ]Because we live in a culture of entitlement. Jews and Asians have suffered much more discrimination than latinos (e.g., jews were subject to quotas and many employers would opently refuse to hire them, Japaneese people were put in camps during WWI and asians also suffer from informal quotas) but they aren't treated as "minorities" because they became successful on their own without any preferrential treatment.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]why do people even CARE what al sharpton thinks about david paterson? why does it even make the news? god I just wish he would resign already and save us all the misery.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]Repost for the afternoon crowd: What would you think if you were approached by a long time acquaintance, very nicely, but clearly with an agenda (religious persuasion)? I waver between feeling miffed that I seem to need 'saving,' curious about a conversation with someone whose faith instructs him to 'witness,' and feeling that I am cared about enough for him to offer this
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]-
I didn't see your earlier post. I have been in this situation numerous times. From a small, religiously conservative town and still have a few friends from childhood who have tried to "save" me.
[ Reply | Options ]I realize that is part of the whole thing, to prosletyze, but I wonder if the need to convince others reflects a certain amount of doubt on their end? There is potentially a selfish motive, because after all humans are known to be a bit selfish ;-) That in effect by convincing others they are reinforcing their own beliefs against their own questioning.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
Amazing that this was stronger than the Haiti one but caused so much less death and destruction. Hard to believe the magnitude ratings.
[ Reply | Options ]In Chile earthquakes are felt very often, so much so that children are trained in the schools on what to do, families keep stock of food, water, etc and the buildings are made to withstand; most of the old buildings were heavily damaged; it is a miracle that not more people died, but they are quite a few still trapped.
[ Reply | Options ]
I am a graduate NYU journalism student interested in speaking with au pairs or and host families of current au pairs working in the New York City area for a series of pieces on the au pair community. I would love to speak with you at your convenience! You can reach me at NannyStoriesNYC@gmail.com. Thanks!!
[ Reply | Watch | Options ]
-
-
It's a non-sequitur, like saying, "I can't stand horseradish." Well, enough people could stand Pelosi, and horseradish, that one is SotH and the other is a popular condiment. So, the options are: do something to remove the one from office and avoid the other in your bloody mary tomorrow morning, or just get over it.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]When I was kid, I heard a lot about air pollution, water pollution, overpopulation, and how we were about to run out of fossil fuels. Forty years later, the air and water in the US is cleaner, world population is twice what it was and there is no global shortage of food, and fossil fuel reserves are about where they were. I'd take the global warming stuff a little more seriously if those earlier dire predictions had come a little closer to reality.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]All that stuff they said was MEANT to scare us so we were more careful and do things like recycling and not leaving the water on while we brushed our teeth. Simply things like that make a big difference but it was part of kicking our butts to get us to realize what was GOING to happen in nobody did anything. I really believe that it did scare people and made them more conscious and that is why it is no longer such a big danger. The current 'green' movement is quite impressive but would it have happened if there had not been a scare, I don't think so.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]Opinions on "nanny cams"? How would that work, anyway - you'd have to have one in every room, no? Otherwise, nanny would just go into another room to do something inappropriate - as obviously they would know that the cam existed? Or do you tell them it exists from the start? Seems paranoid to me to have one, but it IS your child after all....thoughts? Has anyone *actually* witnessed something bad happening on one?
38 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Don't want to upset you but there was something on the news about a decade ago where a family used a nanny cam and saw this evil woman hitting their baby with something wooden. It breaks my heart to think about it. And I am sure this is not an isolated case as there are evil people that fall through the cracks. I am more for random unannounced visits, but I also think nanny cam is a good idea.
[ Reply | Options ]The advice I was given is that if you get one you're guaranteed to see something you don't like and that will ruin even a good nanny relationship. I do agree with the poster below about unnanounced visits, asking people you know to walk by the park when you know she'll be there with DC, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]we have one, we love it. it streams over the internet to our work computers. I feel much more connected to my kids and it enables me to better manage my employee -- I know the details of what is going on so I can talk to her about how to deal with certain situations etc.
[ Reply | Options ]OP- thanks - so, did you tell her about it from the beginning so she knew it existed?
[ Reply | Options ]No, she doesn't know (and neither did the two I fired before her). It gives me great piece of mind, and having had a bad nanny (the reason I got the camera) and a nanny that started out great but then became neglectful after a year (which I suspected but was able to confirm with the camera) I wouldn't ever have a nanny now without one. We love our current nanny and rarely watch it, but if anything seemed off, I am glad I have this tool to use if needed. We got it at the Spy Shop on 34th street.
[ Reply | Options ]
Would you allow your nanny to use her laptop to watch live stream of her kids in daycare while on the clock for you? I bet 90% of UB nanny employers would fire their nannies for such things. lol
[ Reply | Options ]
I feel like if a person is on the look out for wrong doing...they'll always find it. I think nanny cams are okay as long as you let the nanny know she'll be under constant surveillance. I feel like when you set a nanny cam up without telling the person your simply looking for trouble and waiting to catch her messing up.
[ Reply | Options ]Stay home and look after your own kids if you're unable to interview well enough to make you feel secure and trusting.
[ Reply | Options ]- NP you are one annoying sod -- on so many levels. Not only do you know nothing about this woman's situation and choice in her childcare choices.. but if you seriously think an interview is all you need to trust a virtual stranger with your children, you are one NAIVE little lamb. Watch the news pet.
[ Reply | Options ]
we have a nanny cam. it is a live feed and i check in throughout the day (more when they were infants). they are 4 and 5 now so they will tell me if something is bothering them. My previous nanny told me that my ds was climbing out of his crib and she caught him just in time. of course, the tape told another story. she was somewhere else and he climbed out, fell smack on his back and was running around looking for her. It was no big deal in the sense that she was downstairs doing laundry, but why did she lie. i wasnt thrilled with her-that lie gave my the extra kick to look for someone else-if she lied about something that was not her fault what else was she lying about.
[ Reply | Options ]we had a nanny cam because my DC has a health condition and i wanted peace of mind. I told the nanny where the camera was and she was ok with it. i think honesty is the best policy. put it in the living room (assuming that's where the baby will play). i ended up not checking the camera that much and to be honest, i knew the nanny was great because my DC was always smiling and happy....
[ Reply | Options ]Wow I just had an incident last week caught on my nanny cam! My nanny (who was recommended by someone I know) was basically ignoring my db and sleeping when he was awake alone! I would not have known if I didn't have a nanny cam (db is still an infant). Bottom line - I highly recommend one
[ Reply | Options ]There was that case a few years ago on the news where the nanny cam caught the little baby rolling off of the couch as the nanny was watching tv, the nanny picked up the baby by the feet and put it back on the couch. They showed the footage on the news. It was so haunting. Esp. when babies are that young, there is nothing wrong with that if you don't know the nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]i would get one for everywhere, or just have my house "wired", this way you can monitor every room while on line. chances are if you can afford nanny you can afford the one time fee to have it done.
[ Reply | Options ]I would get one. The people I know who have one never saw anything that bad. My friend found out that the nanny was blasting the heat after they left- and denying it, and calling her cheap on the phone. She was great with her kids so she kept her for a year until she started school. No one is perfect. I wouldn't tell the nanny about the nanny cam. It will only make the nanny keep your child in the library or starbuchs all day.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]I am getting married and wondering..Is two ct diamond ring too much? should i go for 1.5? Is it safe to walk around in New York with 2 ct ring?
75 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]i always flip my ring to the inside when i am out and about, or keep my gloves on. 2ct.
[ Reply | Options ]mine is 2.2 and I feel perfectly safe. i dont walk around harlem or wash hts much though. I flip it around on the subway, but I would do that if it was 1 ct too. congrats!
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
-
-
-
of course you don't. you think robberies only happen in wash heights and harlem?
[ Reply | Options ]I am the NP who said it, and of course I don't! I know the guy who got murdered in his jewelry store right in my UES posh neighborhood. I went to his funeral :(. but those neighbhorhoods "historically" have been looked at as being less safe than say Murray or Carnegie hill. just a fact. Fact is I would not feel safe walking alone in Wash Hts at night, and do feel safe walking on the UES home from work at night. period. didnt mean any disrespect, didnt mean to insult anyone. just a fact. dont read into it.
[ Reply | Options ]np And, like it or not, the crime stats back up the statement that those neighborhoods have considerably more crime than Carnegie Hill and similar. Go to NYPD's website; they update them monthly.
[ Reply | Options ]-
honestly, i don't care. its a feeling. why are you making such a big deal out of this. I dont feel safe walking in harlem with a 2ct ring. I feel safe walking on the UES with a 2 ct ring. this despite the fact that a jeweler was shot point blanc in his UES store a few wks ago. dont worry, I wont move to harlem and pollute it with my un PC-ness.
[ Reply | Options ]ok good for you! and plenty of ppl walk around the UES with .5 ct rings. what can I tell you? I feel safer where i live, that was all I was saying. I wouldnt walk around with my ring out in neighborhoods where I fear being mugged. whether you live there with a 2 ct ring or a 30 ct ring, I really dont care.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
-
what is the problem with my reply exactly? that I don't feel safe in certain areas onf manhattan alone at night? I am stating a fact. maybe those born in harlem dont feel safe on the UES at night. to each their own. fact is, crime rates are higher. so I have reason for my fears.
[ Reply | Options ]It's such a dumb thing to express concerns over safety about - the size of your frickin' diamond. That has nothing to do with feeling safe alone at night. It's so self unaware to talk about how you're so happy you don't have to walk around Harlem b/c then you would have to flip your giant diamond into your palm!
[ Reply | Options ]huh? let me make it more clear. I am not scared of getting mugged walking home from lenox hill hospital to my apt 4 blocks away. I am scared of getting mugged on st nicholas and whatever it intersects with. wearing jewelry that says "what I am wearing is worth more than 100 dollars" attracts attention. dont want to do that in a neighborhood where people get shot at night. end of story. stop making it into more than it is. sorry I insulted your neighborhood. dont worry, I will never move there, and if I do visit, it will be in a car with the doors locked. end of story.
[ Reply | Options ]-
It's about race and the fact that ues is white and areas u won't go with your stupid big ring that you wear because you think it makes you look wealthy are predominantly black/ Hispanic.
[ Reply | Options ]uh, no it is about crime rates. not about black or what people. my nanny is hispanic. I trust her with my childrens lives. I have nothing against black people, hispanic people, etc. I am however scared to walk around a neighorhood at night with a crime rate much higher than the one in my own neighborhood. stop reading into it so much and making it into some fight for political correctness. its not.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
1.5, no self respecting criminal would ever mug you over something less than 2cts.
[ Reply | Options ]do you care about looking ostentatious when you leave NYC? in most other cities in the US, you'd get lots of looks for a big ring.
[ Reply | Options ]-
ITD. I know lots of people in the midwest and south that have at least 2 carats or more. Unless they have a family ring that was handed down. I think NY'ers are pretty egocentric about everything. You will be fine with whatever looks good on your hand. On a side note, I read that after 6 months or so, everyone thinks their ring looks approx. 25% smaller. I totally agree with this. When you are first engaged your ring looks huge. Then you are married for awhile, have kids, and never wear it - just the band. Love mine, but it doesn't look as big as I once thought.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
I've never been a fancy balls and banquets kinda gal, but I love the ring that my husband got me. At first it felt a little big for me, but 3 years later and it's still my favorite piece of jewelry. It's 2.5 emerald cut for the main stone and two .5 baguettes. And I agree with the other poster...I flip it in sketchy areas, but I do that with anything I value, whether it has monetary value or not.
[ Reply | Options ]I wear a 3ct. ring for the center stone with 0.75ct on each side. I never flip my ring, that sounds ridiculous. Oh, and I live in MH as I am a prof. at Columbia. I never get a comment on my ring unless it's from a sales clerk at Bergdorfs or Barneys. No one cares, truly.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
I'm sorry, I was being vague. Anybody worth knowing doesn't care about the size. Some of my wealthiest friends just wear bands and some have their grandmothers' rings that aren't big fat rocks... It shows a certain confidence and class but also because they have nothing to prove.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
if you were really a prof at columbia you wouldn't write such an ungrammatical sentence. a 3-ct ring for the center stone? lol!
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
I love my 2 and feel totally safe. But get a 1.95 and your fiance will thank you for it and no one will know the difference. Huge price difference.
[ Reply | Options ]Not to be weird, but how big are your hands? I think you have to try on different sizes to see what looks good on your body.
[ Reply | Options ]2 ct is standard in NY. I have around 1.5 and would love for it to be 2. No need to flip it around people, there are plenty of women with WAY bigger!
[ Reply | Options ]-
why? no one can tell the difference. i often think it would be fun to buy a 3 ct cz and wear it around to impress the easily impressed and be totally tacky for a day. i otherwise wear only a plain band.
[ Reply | Options ]ok, you've said that multiple times already, but most disagree with you. I know, you are the Keeper of Class.... go sneer somewhere else.
[ Reply | Options ]um, i haven't posted before, but all these hoo-ha the diamond companies have suckered everyone into believing about "quality" is just that.
[ Reply | Options ]sorry, once you used the term "hoo-ha", I realized I'm totally out of my league. I didn't know we had real industry insiders on the board tonight.
[ Reply | Options ]After shopping around with DH for my engagement ring, I think you're crazy if you don't see differences in the diamonds. Zales vs. Cartier - a world of difference that has absolutely nothing to do with the box. And let's not get into the whole paying for a name crap because I'm not in the mood.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
[-]I have ben married for a year and a half.. and I have this feeling that my husband is a spy- like CIA agent. It just dawned on me last week and everything makes sense now. His work habits, sometimes late night calls or going out for 'work' at night. Some foreign trips (middle east and swiss). Most importantly I found two cellphones and 3 cameras that looks very high tech. One recording device and whole bunch of stuff that looks like spy equipments. He looks the part too lol. How can I find out for sure??
53 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]does he ever act really strange - like not a cheating kind of hubby strange. have you met his co-workers? visited him at the office?
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
-
I was totally disgusted with UB and decided to look one more time before signing off for good. And now I see this? Awesome. People are spies! A friend of mine dated a spy. I was under the impression that they didn't get married. Maybe he's a private investigator. Does he have a mustache? But weird that you didn't wonder more about what he did before this.
[ Reply | Options ]yeah really, does she even know where he works or what he does? must be a very interesting marriage when you ask a potential husband what he does for a living and his answer is "oh..a little of dis and a little of dat"
[ Reply | Options ]-
OP: I never really wondered. I guess I am naive. He is more of a scholar type. he is very quiet, read classics, calm type of guy. Not exactly sort of guys who invite questions.
[ Reply | Options ]Ok. I'll bite....HOW do you marry someone and not know where to look for his body if she does not show up after work? Seriously! A woman, if she is not inquisitive by nature, is not going to inform herself about where her new boyfriend may spend his days and how he earns a living, but a WIFE? I assume you spent some time with him before you said "yes"? If you dont know what he does and where he does it, you do not have a marriage.
[ Reply | Options ]
Hon, go back to your bon bons, watching movies during the day and after-school specials.....oh wait, that's probably where you got such a bone-headed idea in the first place.
[ Reply | Options ]Lol, this is one of the better fake posts that we've had recently. I enjoyed the poster who thought she was going to fly to Boston 3x/week to commute, but this one's more creative.
[ Reply | Options ]
[-]Which one is your very favorite new york restaurant? I just say mine is Sushi Yasuda. Pure heaven.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
[-]My sister who makes very little money (50yrs old) does not have health insurance. I offered to get her one and pay for it but she said that she can go to a clinic for low income and they take care of it. Is that enough? I am worried sick for her and would gladly get her a health insurance. If she need surgery would she be able to get one through this clinic?
32 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]-
There are catastorhpic coverage plans which are significantly cheaper. That would cover at least the high end risk.
[ Reply | Options ]Major medical insurance would cover surgeries - but its still expensive each month... I feel bad for you both. Imagine her situation, how bad she must feel that she can't afford healthcare. can she get a job where she would get insurance?
[ Reply | Options ]right now it is tough to get a job. I think she said "ryan's clinic" that gives service to low income people. i am wondering if that's enough or should i just go ahead and get her a full insurance...
[ Reply | Options ]Will she take it? Does it bother her that you want to provide it for her? If she's ok with it - and you can afford it - get her full insurance. Believe me the free healthcare they get is a pain. Quality care, but paperwork, waiting, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]I know the ryan clinic. is it a good one but i really doubt they handle hospitalization. They are also very good at helping patients get whatever beenefits they may be eligible for, so she should talk to them if she hasn't.
[ Reply | Options ]^^this link shows you their services, which to me look like nothing inpatient: http://www.ryancenter.org/main_services.htm
[ Reply | Options ]-
MD here-if your sister is in NYC, yes, there are very good clinics and city hospitals(HHC) where she can get good care.Probably surgery,too.There are social workers for inpatients if she needs hospital care and has financial problems.
[ Reply | Options ]When I first met my husband he was working in an industry where insurance was non-existent, but needed to be under the care of an internist because of meds he was taking. He went to a clinic that was associated with a major outer-boroughs hospital that operated on a sliding scale. He received amazing care from an amazing doctor. Since he had to pay for his meds out of pocket, there would've been no way for him to afford his meds + receive quality health care if it wasn't for this clinic.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
-
He was 77. I'm tired of politicians dying in office. We don't have a House of Lords here. Give up your seat already. Term limits have issues, but some people just don't know when to quit.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
np: regardless, 77 is not that old and many including my parents are running businesses and very successful in their 70s. The point is Murtha didn't keel over from old age while hanging on to his congressional seat.
[ Reply | Options ]-
yep. voters had the opportunity to vote him out every 2 years for 36 years. even if you didn't like him , his policies or his length of service, his constituents obviously did. term limits already exist, they are called elections.
[ Reply | Options ]Bet you liked paying for his personal airport too. Why do Americans want to create an aristocracy?
[ Reply | Options ]Murtha was the furthest thing from aristocracy. You clearly know nothing of his background. He was amilitary man and decorated veteran who opposed the Iraq war, is that what pissed you off? I hope you do some good in your life. Maybe commentators will be less negative than you & not dance on your grave as you are doing to murtha, you ingrate.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
-
-
Most Watched Posts
- is psychic mom on?
- NYC Public school teacher here. Any questions?
- what is the best elementary public school in New York (Manhattan or Brooklyn); we wil...
- This is a question for SAHM anxious to place DD in TT schools -- what's the point exa...
Most Popular Topics
- The SAHM/WOHM debate is a false debate because it's a false choice - how many women d...
- As of March 18, 2010 what is your first grader's current reading level (official by s...
- Moms of ADHD, oppositional defiance disorder, help. I just can't figure out what tri...
- Ahh. Mothers on the UES are so toxic. It's so competitive. Hate it, hate it, hate ...
- If 15yo DD wants to have sex with boyfriend and asked for help with birth control, wo...
- We make good money but are still surprised that everyone in our dd's school (private)...
- our elementary school has an open school policy, meaning you can drop off and pick up...
- How much money do you have in savings (not including retirement accounts)? Just curio...
UrbanBaby Asks...
Are you expecting something special from your dh for Valentine's Day?
- Yes, and he's in big trouble if he forgets.
- Yes, but it's not something I care about.
- No, thank goodness.
- No, and I'm already fuming. He's so unromantic!
- Don't know...
Already voted? View Results
Flashback
UB Like it's 1776!
Posted September 13, 2007(191 replies)
More reminiscing about laughs on UrbanBaby »
The Kid's Menu
Video: Cooking With Grandma Gigi
Granddaughter Olivia helps make plantation casserole...
Also:Lunchbox Recipes
School Lunch Obsessive (video)
Make your Own Baby Food
Baby Food Taste-Off
Is it wrong to ask minors to mix martinis?
Can you tell a pregnant boozer to stop?
